My boyfriend & I live about 1 hour apart & have been tog. for 3 yrs. He admits to being an alcoholic but denies that it causes any problems. We have a good relationship when he's sober but he's verbally abusive when drunk. He hasn't hit me but did throw a fork at me once. He has extreme mood swings & I never know what will set him off. He complains that I don't communicate well. He interrupts me a lot, does what he calls "shutting me down", wants yes or no answers to things I think require some explanation. He's very angry with me right now because he is having financial troubles and wants me to help him by co-signing a loan take out a home equity loan on my house. I have already loaned him a lot of money & have said I can't loan anymore. This has been going on for most of the relationship. He says I don't have his back. I have helped in every way I possibly can & have been a compassionate partner. On Friday he was loving one minute an swearing at me the next. I have tried arguing with him, leaving the room and walking out when at his place. I didn't know what else to do.
eeli eeli 46-50 10 Answers Feb 2, 2011

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I read enough when I got to " He admits to being an alcoholic but denies that it causes any problems."

Yes, you did the right thing; and I don't need to read any more. If he thinks anything about himself he will sort out his addiction to alcohol for his own sake; he *needs* to admit he has a problem and that it is *his* problem and only then accept that you are an easy target when he fancies having a go at you.

I would give him a wide berth and I would give him time to sort himself out; consider here that you would be doing him no favours in taking him back at this point. It is NOW that he has his wake-up call. Don't be too quick to take him back; consider your own mental and personal safety first, and then consider what it is that only *he* can now do

Be strong


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My opinion is "YES.' Sounds like you did everything you could to help this fellow and to give him the opportunity to man up and act mature. And I would imagine that now you are second guessing yourself a lot and feeling guilty because you have done what had to be done to maintain your home, your safety and your sanity.

You are not responsible for this adult person. You weren't put on earth to be a martyr or to be sacrificed for something else's issues. You probably did way more than he merited, and it sounds as if he has repaid you in pain. Now he is trying to guilt you? Gimme a break.

As the others have said, stick to your guns and hold onto what self esteem you have left after being with this guy. There are a lot of things that love can't fix. And a selfish controlling man is one of them.

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You go girl... You have done the right thing i would say.. Being nice at one moment is just to get to you don fall to that.. cheers from Singapore..

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time to ditch the loser girl. You may have an attachment to him but it purely a comfort thing. In otherwords you don't want to be alone But if this guy contines not only will u be alone but homeless also.

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yes. i didn't read the details, but anyone you have to write so much about is bad news.

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If "this has been going on for most of the relationship", then you have to make a choice to either accept things - and him - the way they are and know that they aren't likely to change, or you need to decide that you deserve better and then choose to move on.

He can admit to being an alcoholic all he wants, but to deny that it causes any problems in his life just proves how deep in denial he is. You continue to enable him by choosing to continue the relationship. He has sucked you dry financially and emotionally, and I think his anger stems from the fact that he still needs more and you have nothing left to give. His anger is likely to turn to violence, and you need to make some choices quickly - and stick with them - before you get hurt.

Loving someone doesn't always mean staying with them. Sometimes it means you have to let go. It is not your job to fix him.

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I would think this is form of abuse,i think you did the right thing as things will only get worse as time goes on,my ex was like this and as time went on he begang hitting me,keep strong and hold you ground.

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