I moved to a foreign country for my Husband, but I feel so lonely.
We live with his family, but we I don't speak their native language and they don't speak English so I feel very isolated. They try to include me in things, but I feel more lonely being carted around, house to house, not being able to speak to anybody, and just sat in a room while a bunch of people talk in a foreign language, sometimes about me, knowing I cant understand. I feel very isolated.
When my husband gets home from work, he is very tired and doesn't always feel up for going out, which I do understand but I get restless. We even can't be alone together in the home because its a small house and someone in his family always wants to be with us, usually his younger brother.
I have no job and I cant get one because even the English teaching jobs want me to speak the native language. I have no friends and cant make any, I wouldn't know where to go, and people don't speak my language.
I feel trapped in the home like I have no life anymore.
14 Answers to "I moved to a foreign country for my Husband, but I feel so lonely."
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Don't you think learning the language would solve a lot of your problems? Start studying. Seriously, what the hell do you do with your day if you're not working?
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Good one!! nothing like getting right to the point. You are too funny.Like (1)
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The person below who said to learn the language may have been blunt, but it really does help. I'm in a very similar boat right now, as I'm living with my husband in a country where I don't speak the language. But learning even just a little bit makes a huge difference. In almost every country, you can find classes that teach foreigners the native language. You can also search for books to learn it. But the important part here is that you have to push yourself outside your comfort zone. If you haven't done this yet, try going out by yourself, just to a restaurant. Bring a two-way dictionary. When you succeed in getting your own food for the first time, it's pretty exciting. Also, find a hobby. Seriously, you will feel so much better if you find something to occupy your mind besides your loneliness.
And one last thing - if you haven't yet, talk to your husband about how you feel. If he really respects you and loves you, he will be sure to work with you to find something to make you feel less lonely.Like (1)
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Culture shock can be very difficult for anyone, but some have a harder time acclimating than others and, what country you are living in and how similar/dissimilar it is to your own will play a big role in how long it takes to adjust. If all else fails, returning to your own country might be the only solution.
I'm just repeating what everyone else has said, but
1. Start taking language classes - you will meet people and learn the language.
2. Teach English - teachers do not need to speak the language, in fact it can be much better for the student if they don't. CELTA (English Language certification) teaches this method. If you can't find a class, you can tutor. In most countries, people are excited to have the opportunity just to practice speaking with a native speaker.
3. Carve out a space for yourself where you are living, if you can - even if it means hanging a sheet for an hour to "get away". You need to get a rest from hearing a foreign language when you can. It does become exhausting. Hope you have plenty of English books. And venting online is always useful. Chat rooms and such are great for just conversing with another human being in your own language.Like (1)
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When I was much younger I lived in a non-English speaking country due to my husbands employment. Note, this was a time way before the internet. What I did was learned the language began by using small phrases then worked my way up, please keep in mind a child can communicate prior to learning verbal communication. try to think back on your early years what did you do to be included? Played games more than likely, if you are surrounded by family find a way to enjoy them (they aren't moving) and if your husband is to preoccupied with his own life you have no other choice than find an activity to feel included... maybe learn to cook. I get it - it sucks!! But look at it as a free education to enhance yourself (who knows you might have some fun) chin up.
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getting lonely is the best way to get enlightened!
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What country are you in now? If he has no interest in what you are feeling I question his motives. Did he discuss this move with you before you actually moved?
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I would try to lean the basic day to day words of the country you are in.It reminds me of my time spent in norway i had so afew friends but i was willing to lean and it puts the locals at easy that you know a few words.Can you bake you musted try and link up with some ex pats you just need to try those things ....
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If your husband doesn't take care of you, look for a native lover.
You have the right on your side.
You may learn the language the best way, on the bedLike (1)
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you girls are always there for advantage
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Lean the language, its not easy but if you love him work at it. Sometimes children are the best people to learn the language from. Or go sit in on a English class if you can, it wouldn't hurt to ask.
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You need to display you CAN teach English without knowing any other language.
I's like teaching a toddler words. Hold up flash card of colors and have them memorize. The same with the alphabet and numbers too. When I was learning Spanish in High School, it was difficult. There was memorization but it was never clear in my head what the words meant.Like (1)
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why wont you start by learning the language
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Well, spend 1 year just learning the language. I'm sorry dear, but it's sink or swim right now and as much as you love your hubby you need your freedom. And freedom can only be attained through the means you have at hand.
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Return to your home country, even if it means returning alone. It is not working out.
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Good advice pal! Sure if she were your wife you would appreciate someone giving her the same advice. Running away is not the answer here, this girl has an opportunity to enhance her life, learn a new language experience and appreciate cultural differences. it's sad to think that somewhere out there is a "man" who runs away whenever things don't go his way. Nice!!!
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Best Answer (Chosen by Voting):
Posted by MurderOFbutterflies Jan 31st, 2013 at 8:53AM
You will feel like this initially , change can be scary. I suggest you perhaps go wrok at a deli, or find something to keep you busy.
Buy a dictionary and start learning the language. Honeslty the quickest way you are going to cath on, is by interacting. Dont be shy! i knw its hard, been there done that! But embrace what it happening to you! I promise if you give it a hance you will not half as regret it !!! :-) Good luck! And start having some faith in yourself, you are not alone!
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