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I had a friend who pretty much took advantage of my kindness. When her pc blew up i lent her mine because at the time, i wasn't taking online classes. but when i needed it back, she said i had given it to her. that was not my understanding. she knew i took classes on the net and that i needed it more than she did, but it didn't matter. i lent her money from my school refund and she refused to pay me back even though she makes more money monthly than i do. the last straw was when her bf got pissed at me for no reason and shoved me out of the house one day. after that, i vowed not to go back there and never be friends with them. the thing is, their kids are friends with my son and i have no problem with that. but now, they want to be friends with me again and i don't know what to do. i miss them, but do i need people like that in my life? this is not the first time things of this nature have happened between us. i've forgiven many times. but now i'm not so sure i should.
trixi trixi 41-45, F 13 Answers Oct 2, 2008

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It sounds to me like they need something, so they figure you'll give it to them if the pretend to be friends with you again. <br />
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I agree with what 1Babe says..."once bitten"...<br />
Don't let them take advantage of your good nature again.

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Sweet people dont change, especially not the one who do not deeply desperately want to. Anyway complete change in a person's nature would be a miracle and miracle dont happen.<br />
Do not weaken and do not be friends with them again. And if possible discourage your kid's friendship with their kid. No, this is not being selfish or wrong. Its simple rationality; if you have any direct or indirect contact with those people there will always be a scope of them contacting you and harming you. BREAK THE CONTACT FOR GOOD. your kid would find other friends. kids always find their peers.

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If you are having strong doubts as to whether you should forgive these 'friends' and accept them back into your life, to me this is a signal that they are somehow dragging you down in life, and yes, you probably don't need them. I would find a way (do some practicing) to 'politely' distance myself from these two (what they did to you, in terms of your PC, was completely out of line) while still allowing your son to be friends with their kids.

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I think you already know that she's not a friend. The real question to ask yourself is, "Why do I allow myself to be used?" There comes a time when one has to say "No more!" Could it be that time?<br />
Here's how I see situations with others...I could complain all day about what someone does to me but it doesn't change one thing..."They never would have been able to take those items from me or hurt my feelings had I not let them. <br />
When you take back control of yourself that's when a change is going to be made. You're not hoping that she miraculously change her ways are you? She is who she is. We cannot change another no matter how hard we try. It’s just like she can't change you to be 100% comfortable with being used. <br />
Stand up to you for you and she won't be able to take advantage of you because you won't let her. Take that upset energy inward and do yourself the biggest favor ever...care about you. You matter. You don't have to be used just to have a friend. It's not healthy for you. (Notice I'm not talking about her. Again she can't be change. It's a waste of time to even try. However you can change yourself).

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These people are not your friends. Forget it and move on. They are users and the LORD tells us not to be a doormat for noone. You seem like a kind person and they have taken advantage of you many times and if you get to close they will again. Be careful. I would also keep an eye on my son because these people ae not good role models.

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She is not a friend. She is just someone who likes to use people and take advantage of them. It would be preferable for you to break all ties with her. She is just using the fact that your children are friends to weave her way into your good graces until the next time she takes advantage of you. Be polite but don't get sucked in. You only miss her now because you have forgotten your anger and pain. You should always forgive but never forget. On a side note, computers are a lot of money. . . you can legally get your computer back because from the law's point of view, she stole it. That should tell her you are putting your foot down.

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if u don't mind you're kids being friends, that's ok but i would definitely feed these people with a long handled spoon. otherwise, it seems you'll experience more of the same.

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Get new friends. I have gotten past this kind of friend in past few years. My BF died a few years ago and it took 5 yrs to find a new one. Like you, I am good hearted and don't mind helping anyone out BUT... once bitten....

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You do not ever need to feel like that with anyone let alone your "friends." It isnt what friends do. We all would do nearly anything for those we love and care about but keep in mind that once abused and used it is best to let go and find those that are willing to be true friends.

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I agree w/ Idea...if they want your friendship it's time you lay the rules down. <br />
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You need to stick up for yourself because if you don't people like this will continue to step on you and take advantage..don't be a doormat, something tells me you're much much better than that!<br />
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Tell her/them you'll consider the idea of being friends when she starts behaving like one. Request your computer and money back..even a simple gesture of paying back part of what you lent her will put her back on the right track, but do not open yourself up to the idea of rekindling a friendship until she has completely paid you back and returned your property. If she can't do that then you know she's nothing but a user and chalk up your losses and move on!<br />
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Good Luck!

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Demand your computer back, and they money you lent her. Don't lend or give them anything, even if they ask. If they were serious about being your friend then they'd do that and not have issues with it, and work on a friendship with you.

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