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we've been together for five years now, & been married for about 2 1/2 years with a 1 1/2 years old child. a few months back i found out that he has been cheating on me with a woman - who is staying very far. i found out through their chat messages. he said he will leave her. sometimes after that he said he have already stopped having contact with her and everything is over. since from the first incident i couldn't trust him like before anymore, started feeling very insecure & scared. i started checking on him just to make sure everything is really over now. now i found out that he's still chatting with girls and he's hiding them from me. chatting is not a problem but there should be a limit to it. when asked, he's just keep blaming me for checking on him. he even lied saying that he doesn't even have such a chat app in his mobile (he doesn't know i have proof). i showed him the proofs but yet he's defending himself. i've been fooled, cheated, i lost trust. what should i do??
Sumetha Sumetha 26-30, F 7 Answers Jun 22 in Dating & Relationships

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Do what's best for your child and you. Find someone who respects you and your marriage and whom you can trust. Otherwise, it's not going to be a good environment to raise your child.

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If you can, you should leave him and get a divorce.<br />
He's obviously a serial cheat, who will never stop.<br />
You will get hurt over and over, and never have peace of mind. <br />
You should get away from him now if possible, while you're still young.

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yes, "serial cheat".. that's what is was thinking... he even admitted that been doing this since before the wedding. but i really thought he could change and so accepted him back.

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The worst mistake people make about others, is to think that they will change.

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The two of you should see a therapist as soon as possible. Maybe your marriage can be saved.

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im not sure if i will be able to build the trust again even if he truly change.

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Do you love each other? Talk to him, told him to stop contacting that woman if he still care about you and your children. If he do so, then, I know it's hard, try to build your broken trust with him. If he don't, then, I'm afraid that, you should make allowance between yours and your children lives.

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breaking my trust for the first time.. i still managed to slowly trust him back.. but when it happened for the second time... perhaps i will not be able to trust him back the same way ever. and this feeling of being suspicious and these thoughts of keep want to check on him tortures me...

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I see, does he still love you? Well, I can't say what do you have to do. But, I advise that, if you're not religious, and divorce's not complicated enough, then go for it. Start a new life with someone who REALLY cares and loves you and your children just the way you are. Your children wouldn't be happy if they find out their dad doesn't love their mum, and cheated from her. They'd need a loving and caring dad. Believe me, child's familyhood affects their future and characteristic.

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You should file for a divorce. Get a job and leave the jerk !

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Do you love him ?

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i do.. but i don't want him to use my love for him to manipulate me to stay (for his own good or need). after the first incident, he said he loves me but still keeping a physical distance from me. and no explanation given when asked. but this time he said he hates me because i suspect / check on him. he's the type who uses harsh words without thinking.

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You should leave. He doesn't love you as you deserve to be loved. I mean, who treats their wife this way ? You gave him a child ! All you're doing is just to preserve your couple.

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If you stay with this guy, you're destined for a very unhappy life.
Leave him, the sooner the better.

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perhaps you are right.. ive lost the peacefulness in me..

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