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The two of you should see a therapist as soon as possible. Maybe your marriage can be saved.

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im not sure if i will be able to build the trust again even if he truly change.

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Do you love each other? Talk to him, told him to stop contacting that woman if he still care about you and your children. If he do so, then, I know it's hard, try to build your broken trust with him. If he don't, then, I'm afraid that, you should make allowance between yours and your children lives.

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breaking my trust for the first time.. i still managed to slowly trust him back.. but when it happened for the second time... perhaps i will not be able to trust him back the same way ever. and this feeling of being suspicious and these thoughts of keep want to check on him tortures me...

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I see, does he still love you? Well, I can't say what do you have to do. But, I advise that, if you're not religious, and divorce's not complicated enough, then go for it. Start a new life with someone who REALLY cares and loves you and your children just the way you are. Your children wouldn't be happy if they find out their dad doesn't love their mum, and cheated from her. They'd need a loving and caring dad. Believe me, child's familyhood affects their future and characteristic.

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You should file for a divorce. Get a job and leave the jerk !

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Do you love him ?

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i do.. but i don't want him to use my love for him to manipulate me to stay (for his own good or need). after the first incident, he said he loves me but still keeping a physical distance from me. and no explanation given when asked. but this time he said he hates me because i suspect / check on him. he's the type who uses harsh words without thinking.

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You should leave. He doesn't love you as you deserve to be loved. I mean, who treats their wife this way ? You gave him a child ! All you're doing is just to preserve your couple.

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perhaps you are right.. ive lost the peacefulness in me..

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