I need to talk to someone about the situation between my husband and I. There is alot I need to talk about.?

so sorry you have to go threw this. how long have you been married for?

make sure he backs his words with action its so easy to say ihave chang and not mean it what ever you decide to do dont stay in a bad married

3 words ---
dont do it

Think of yourself this time. YOU need to move on, for YOU! He had his chance, now he has to live with it. You have another life to live...you're own! Just know that you won't miss you on your boys' lives if you look after your own, be a postivie role model for them!

I strongly agree that you should move on. Once is enough.

Move on. He is acting like this only because you are serious.

I think you need to move on. He appears violent and controlling.

I was with a man for 5 years of my life whom I was married to at 16 and we have three kids. He is an alcoholic and just recently got sober, with the courts help after 5 dui's. We went through the back and forth constantly until in one of his drunken stupors he said, "if you don't like it, you know what to do." That showed his true feelings and I think once I realized that I noticed that his actions backed those words up wholeheartedly. He didn't start talking to our children, or me for that matter, until very recently and it's been 6 1/2 years. My overall point is he won't change unless he wants to change and patterned behavior usually doesn't change within only a year without any form of counseling or a forced change through the judicial system. Seems to me he doesn't want to pay child support or alimony and that is why he is pulling this now after all this time. There has been an order of protection against him because you must PROTECT yourself from him. Realize those words and tell me how smart it sounds to let that kind of man into your home alone without anyone to stop him from stabbing you and your kids in the middle of the night. This guy I feel is very unstable and has crossed the line of no return with you many times, those kinds of guys don't change. He is extremely manipulative and cunningly nasty in ways that can probably hurt you more than when he beat your ***. He doesn't deserve an ounce of your consideration. Your sons need to be free from his reign of terror and his reach of influence. Don't fall for it even if your heart tells you this time might be different, YOU CANNOT TAKE THAT CHANCE. Give yourself time to heal from all of this and then get into a relationship that is fulfilling and realistic with a man that is stable. It's better to be alone than abused any day.

find urself a man who values u for wat u are and treats u rite, this guy obviously dont, he's one of the many ******** out ther. he wont treat u any diferent, he mite for mayb a week or 2, but eventually it will all jst go back to the way it was... it will hurt, but u gotta tear him from u like a bandaid.. go and get urself a good man =)

you said you have been praying and it means you believe in a prayer answering god.your prayer is working ,positively affecting your husband.confession leads to a possesion.he said he has changed ,why not encourage him further in his own belief that he is a changed person and accept him unconditional.it is your opportunity to see the hand of god in your marriage.trust god all the way and you will not regret it.dont be doubleminded about god ability to work it all out for you.reach out to him in love and compassion .GOD REVEALS SECRETS,IF HIS INTENTION IS TO HURT YOU,GOD WILL BE FAITHFUL ENOUGH TO REVEAL HIS PLAN TO YOU.THE GRASS IS NOT ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE.BEWARE OF UNGODLY COUNSELS FROM A FAITHLESS GENERATION.im segun a nigerian lawyer.

1) Beware of people who try to tell you to rely on your faith in God alone. Faith in a higher power is a good thing and can help you get through much trauma, however, one cannot just say prayers then stand back and hope that they are answered somewhere down the road.

2) If (and this is a VERY BIG if) you truly feel in your heart that he is serious about changing and is willing to seek help, there is nothing wrong with working toward a reconciliation. Having said that, I think that it would be a VERY BAD idea to let him come back to live with you and the children right now. He needs to seek counseling, to go to some sort of anger management classes and to talk to someone about his issues with control and anger. Until such a time as he has PROVEN to you AND HIS THERAPIST/COUNSELORS that he is a changed man, the order of protection needs to be honored. If that means no contact with him you both have to abide by that.

People do not change without help no matter how much they may think that they can. The intervention of a good therapist is the best way to achieve lasting change, but hte person has to be willing to look deep inside themselves and find the root cause of negative behaviors. This can be a painful process and often people with issues such as your husband are unwilling to lopen up enough to be able to let go of their destructive behaviors.

I wish you and your children the love, security and peace that you deserve.

Go find a man who will care for you and love you and your kids and dump this idiot....

Honey, I certainly feel your pain and confusion. Why, because I am in it myself. I agree with many of the points/comments made by previous posts. You definately have to protect yourself and your boys first. You did not say whether the 3 of you are in counseling. If not I strongly urge you to do so. I feel that I need help, help with all the pain, anger, bitterness. Help for being attracted to someone like that, why was I attracted to him what kept me in the situation. Counseling for my kids with someone who specializes in kids for the crap they have had to deal with. For what they have seen and heard. Because I DO NOT want my boys to grow up and be abusers like dad. Because it is confusing for my 7 yr old. Dad hit him with the belt, hit mom tried to push her down the stairs. Yet he is being told all the time we don't hit people, men do not hit women or kids, we do not hurt people we love.But dad tells mom he loves her and dad tells me(my 7yr old son) he loves me. How confusing is that.
My husband was put out by a p.o. in Feb. About 7 weeks ago he called me told me how sorry he was, that he knew he had f***** up really bad this time. That he cannot change what happened, that he knows he needs help. Said to me " I am asking for help" to which I responded I cannot help you, that is up to you. Only you can do it, thats if you really want to and are not just feeding me a big line again. He did not get mad when I said that like I figured he would. He told me he does not want to get a divorce, that he never has, that I was the one that filed. He asked if there was anyway to put it back together. Could we put it back together. I was honest and told him I did not know there had been so much hurt inflicted on me and the kids. He told me he would do anything, whatever it took. He wanted to go to counseling because he knows he has not been dealing with things rationally since his mother died. I told him that was correct. But that I have heard it all before, and I'm not ging to sit here and hold my breath over lies and false promises. Waited for the explosion---none he said he understood.
I genuinely wanted to be able to have a marriage with the man I fell in love with 10yrs ago. I know he is still in there as I have seen him often. I am not willing to sacrifice my own mental and physical health nor that of my 4 kids. I have been working on myself for about 4 months. I am finding positive things about myself. I am starting to set boundaries in my life, something that is very difficult for me. Well not just setting them but sticking to them. Which was a big problem with my husband. He crossed my boundaries, but I let him I never did anything about it.
My husband and I talk everyday. He tells me he loves me at least twice a day. Yes its great. But I have not let my guard down nor will I for a long time. I am too afraid, and have told him so. We do go a few places together but its always in a public place, I will not be alone with him nor is is he to be alone with our 7yr old son. I have sole custody right now, he was only awarded supervised visitation in the temnporary orders. My heart loves him so much, but my head doesn't believe a thing he says or does. I flat out told him he has alot of work ahead of him if he ever hopes to prove to me he is capable of having a relationship and marriage. I have laid out some basic rules. He has to enroll in a program at The center for non violence. I will not budge on this one. He was given a 3 week period in which to do it. If he does not I told him I will know you are not serious and it was yet another bunch of lies. You will leave no other choice but to go forward with the divorce. I told him he has too much crap going back to his childhood that has never been dealt with, they will help you with that. We have to first work on ourselves, then maybe 6 months or so we can begin some couple counseling. I told him this is going to be hard work, take lots of time. But it is not impossible, it depends on how much you are willing to put into. We are going to make a plan---a plan on how we are going to go about working on our marriage. We will have it in writing a contract like and we will both required to sign it. If either one of us breaks it it is nullified.
I have done lots of thinking, talking to my counselor as well as in my support group. I have looked up things online to educate myself. Do I want it to work of course. But I am not sitting here thinking "o this will be so good he is going to get help and everything will be better", thats not realistic.
Set your boundaries and stick to them. Do Not let him back in without getting months possibly a year of therapy. Someone mentioned anger management--they don't really work. Almost all men who abuse grew up in homes where they witnessed abuse or where victims themselves, its a learned behavior. They need serious counseling to deal with their childhood because they do not see the correlation.
I know this is not easy, sit down listen to your head first. Get counseling for yourself and your boys. Be good to yourself you are going thru so much. Take time for yourself even a bubble bath helps. Find a support group, where women understand what you are going thru.
If you need a friend message me. I understand.

First, I hope you are in therapy or some councelling.
Sounds like you have an abusive spouce and you need to stop thinking that is a relationship worth keeping. Not so. You need to build some self esteem and confidence to move on. Your children should also see councelling so that they also do not abuse you or anyone else in the future.

I understand what you are going through, I am going through it now. My husband is verbally and mentally abusive. I went straight from mom and dad to him, he was my first and only love. All my life I was dependent on him, and felt I could never be with another, until he decided he wants to seperate and maybe get back together in a year. After being put in a mental hospital, and tons of antideppressents, I had to come to realize that I had to think about me, and not him, he hurt me so much mentally that enough is enough. He wanted to seperate but live in the same house, I turned it all around, I leave the home anytime he is there,thank god for friends and family, I come home in the a.m. when he is at work, this might not be the right way, but its the perfect way for me it is teaching me to be on my own away from him, and you know what its killing him,he cant believe im not as needy anymore. I asked him to go to counseling, and he refused, I go though, but since the new me he has agreed to go to counseling even though I think he needs mental counseling , Ill be happy with marriage counseling. All I can say to you is do what is right for you only you will know what that is. Everone kept telling me to go home, but I knew I could not I was not strong enough, and I had to ignore all of them and do what was best for me and its working. Also there are some things people just cant change, no matter how much they want too.

Trust your gut. Listen to your own words - "I am afraid". This man had hurt you physically and mentally. Then, when you finally took action to keep him away from you and stop the abuse he "has used the boys to get at me".

he hasn't changed, he's just looking for another, more effective way to tear down your defenses so he can get at you.

Read the newspapers. They are filled with stories of men like him and the things they do to their families (yes families - not just wives but children too). It drives them crazy if their wives try to stand up and take back their lives.

I respect people's beliefs - but "God helps those that help themselves". Prayer may be good for your soul but it won't stop him from doing you or the boys profound harm.

You are the adult. You are responsible for what happens to them and to you. Stop begging him or God to "work it out" and follow through to closure. You and your kids will at least have a chance to have real lives if you do this.