You have to open up to your counsellor, don't be afraid to cry...let it out it's good for you. Holding it in can drive you crazy. Open yourself to getting the help you need, learn to become a survivor so that you can stop being a victim. Take care and all the best to you.
Sounds like your child hood gave you PTSD . Been there to at one time during my child hood I lost the ability to feel anything for a while, it's like my emotions just shut down. You should see a psychologist, I'm going to as soon as I can set up an appointment, I have insurance now and I can finally work on this.
it is and always has been possible in my caseto live in the wild WITH a cellphone. . . durrr da duuurrrr