My son has been failing all his life, especially in academics being a teacher and excelling all my life, i guess i have high standards.Now that he's turning his life around its its shocking.I always expected him to fail in his life.I don't know how to handle it now.How to feign happiness when i was half expecting him to fail.So much so that I am not going to pay for his university , i start doing things subconsciously so he can fail i just cant seem to control it. Anyone else but him.Please Don't judge me ,you must be a parent to able to understand.
jasonrobert jasonrobert 51-55, M 146 Answers May 21, 2011

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you gave up on your child at age 10? no wonder he failed in life. You failed him.

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I gave him a chance i took him to the best school yet he would still fail in class.It was embarrassing for me especially since the staff new me and respected me.

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i agree with you completly beautifulpeople jason you are a disgusting parent and as a parent no i dont understand

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I am a parent.. its not about a few chances.. its about a MILLION chances.. Children are not born smart (just because your a teacher, and intelligent.. the basic blocks are there but ITS YOUR JOB to put them together) It sounds as if you are jelouse of your son.. I feel bad for the mother.. if your like this to her child.. you must not even be together anymore.

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I agree. You give up on your child and want him to fail? That is just plain wrong. Get your crap together and start acting like a real father. Otherwise don't wine when you're old that your son doesn't care about you. Did you really think people here would say "hey, its ok, be like that"?! Jeez
So he failed. You were embarrassed because he was failing? Are you serious? Where were you then? Standing there and gloating that he was failing? You should've helped, supported him. You shouldn't have any respect. What kind of parent are you if other people's thoughts are more important than your own son? Ugh!

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You sending him to the best school when what he needed was the best parent, your idea of success is wrong and you got a chance to make life right for the boy.

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Poor little you ! Dang shame since you had your whole future depending on school. It is all about you anyway right ?

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A very astute observation preachersboy.

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4 More Responses

that's sad some people don't deserve to be parents.

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Why? Is it because you are jealous of him? Is it because you feel so inadequate about yourself that you don't want him to succeed? Who would not want their child to excel in something? What is the matter with you?

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i don't know i didnt expect him to turn his life around.You have to understand when a kid has been failing since he was 10 then suddenly starts getting high grades it doesn't make sense.

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And, you can't be proud of him now? Don't understand that. Also can't understand how you place your own image and reputation higher than the success of one of your own offspring. I'd like to say more, but I'll stop there...

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Beware of anyone who says they have been excelling all their life.
No truly self confident person would say that, IT'S BRAGGING, any real man would be too modest.
Also a real high achiever would have achieved more success in helping thir child to succeed through good parenting.

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I don't know you but I HATE YOU!!!!

My mother was of the same mentality as you, secretly hoping that I would fail in college and at a career because she was jealous of me because I had way more promise for a better future than she ever did, which she screwed up by sleeping with a**hole guys who just used her.

My mom hated me and she hated her life. She would drink to forget her problems, sometimes even drinking herself to the point where she would blackout.

She was a mean drunk and would say the most hateful and hurtful things to me when she was angry. She would call me a failure and tell me that she wished she had an abortion. She once even told me when I was a teenager that if I ever wanted to commit suicide that I would have her blessing.

So, you can guess what type of relationship we have today.

I haven't seen her in ten years and I wouldn't care if I go till my or her death without us ever having contact again.

Because of her my self-esteem is shot to hell. I don't think that I am good enough for anyone or anything. I came dangerously close to committing suicide on live television nearly two years ago.

I'm still trying to recover from the childhood that I had. Where as most young adults only have to worry about finding their place in society, I have that and the added additional complication of trying to build confidence.

I don't really know who I am and when I see other young adults who are doing well and seem to have direction in their lives it makes me hurt, it also makes me very angry.

I walk around angry more often than most know, always ready to fight.

Funny, my "mom" was a teacher's assistant. She was in the education profession just like you.

You and my "mom" seem to have a lot in common, guess that's why I hate you so.

A good parent is supposed to protect their child from self-doubt and all types of threats and pain be it physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual.

Even if your son was previously a slacker, you should now be supportive of his new found boost of productivity in life.

A teacher is supposed to encourage and nurture his/her pupils. I find it odd that as a teacher you would nurture others but would not not do the same for your own biological son.

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Sounds like I'm in the same boat you are. My parents weren't educators though they still only enjoy my failures. It's pretty tough growing up when it's your own parents who tell you you'll never amount to anything.

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every human being that goes through such torture such brings tears to my eyes. as a new mom, i cant imagine amounting to such hatred and foulness to a child. sometimes i want to not go online in fear of reading things like this which bring up my old pain and keep me up at night crying for the end of all suffering. i know its not possible, but it seems even more impossible to tell crappy people like this man the truth and to gear his lame excuses is so annoying. we need stories like urs on here though to show him how stupid he his. so i thank you for that!

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Poor kid , i'm sure he doesn't understand whats going on.congratulations you just messed your kids life when he grows old enough he'll hate you.As someone said i do hope he succeeds.

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Dude - therapy - issues....

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Not sure if you really want your son to fail, or if you want to him to fail just to prove you are "right" about him. Do you feel that if he makes something of himself - according to your standards - than you may have been "wrong", and then somehow that would be a 'bad' reflection on you??

Expectations you have of yourself, you can deal with, but, to put pressure on someone else (especially a child) to live up to Your expectations pretty much sets them up for failure. I commend your honesty. Look deeper into yourself for the answer. Appreciate your son for WHO he is, not how successful you think he SHOULD be. Perfectionism, competition, Jealousy may be possible issues....

While I was younger, I sometimes felt like my Mom secretly wanted me to fail also. Certain fears were instilled in me, but not my sister (her "favorite"). Misery does love company. Over the years, I realize she was actually jealous of me. She always told me that I was my Dad's favorite and always managed to make it sound like a bad thing. She, herself, grew up feeling very alone and had issues with her own father..... It took me many years to deal with my anger and feelings and the dysfunction. I did sabotage myself also. (drop out of school, drinking, drugs, etc) I felt worthless, so I became so ...understand?Children can be a great reflection of ourselves.

We are not perfect, we are human, flaws and all. If you can, love your son, support his efforts and dreams, and if he falters, just be there for him - no expectations. If you cannot do this at this time, then go deeper within yourself to heal your past hurts so that YOU CAN become a better father for him.

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and being as intelligent as the OP is, they have not responded to one of the more compassionate answers. i'm sorry you're wasting your wise advise on a person too arrogant to take it. thanks though, good answer.

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I'd love to be able to have a son and see he grow and thrive. you are lucky yet you want him to fail? I don't understand this?

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Wow You must feel really bad about yourself. People who can't stand their own children seem to be projecting their feelings about themselves onto them. It seems like it is usually one child in the family the one that reminds the parent most of themselves. Too bad for you that you haven't been able to see the beauty in your son because you can't see the beauty i yourself. Read this:

A woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children."

And he said:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable

Kahil Gibran

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you can control yourself...if you really want to.

consider that hanging onto your pride at this point, would be far more embarressing and shameful.

than to just admit to your son your resentment toward him, forgive him. crucify your ego, and man up. send him to school. perhaps someday he will be able to apologize for having been a slacker.

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hey, how can u want your own son to fail?

u should be supportive of him instead!!!!!!!!!!!

and i thought my parents were bad!!!

man, i dont wanna say anything nasty, but if there's something that drives me crazy, are parents who dont care about their kids.

i have one label for such people: murderers.

take it from me, i had my tray full of that!!!!

so ur saying that u tell ur son to be more like his other siblings, yet U are not willing to treat HIM like his other siblings buy not paying for university....isnt that unfair of u ?

and if u say he was failing u, and u wanted him to be better then he was, and now he is better.....u arent happy?

u didnt like him as a failure, and now u dont like him in u even know what ur saying?

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I care for my children, i paid for their education i have three daughter who have their masters degrees and are working and successful.They worked hard in school and were not slackers.I have spent most of my money educating them and now i have no money for my son.Its his fault he wanted to fail.

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foolish father

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You seem to think that your "job" as a parent is simply to spend money, but that you have no need to give anything more (like encouragement ot support).

Perhaps his failure was no more than an attempt to get noticed by you; in this he certainly succeeded and you then encouraged him to continue failing, just to continued to be noticed. But now he realises this s hurting him, so he has started trying.

So it is not your son you has been failing, but you. And it is not your son who is an embarrassment, but you.

It costs nothing but time to encourage your son, so you should start now.

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Thats pretty weak.

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that's your opinion but please understand you know where i am coming from right.

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You need to understand where you're coming from and control your behavior.

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i think you could be competing with your son.

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I assume this 'man' is a kid doing some Freudian trolling. If it is an actual adult male, you're emotionally defective -- who expects to be pitied for being a bully? Also, I think you're a bit delusional about the people who 'respect' you (especially in the field of education). You may want to take some lessons in grammar and punctuation because you likely write worse than a majority of your students.

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why would you do that, we are not perfect being bisexual i wonder what you would think of me if i was your the end of the day we are still your children whether you like it or not and that's to all parents out their you cant just abandon us because we are not what you wanted us to be :((((

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Just pay for his uni and stop being unreasonable.

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I don't have the money i spent it all on his siblings and besides what will i have for retirement how do i know he wont go and fail again.

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You sound like my mom.

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I struggle to believe this story is for real. Seriously, what sane parent would want their child to fail?? And you say you are a teacher???

I just checked out your profile .. there is no way you are for real.

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