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KaliJade KaliJade 26-30, F 9 Answers Sep 26, 2012 in Dating & Relationships

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It's a huge issue that needs resolved and discussed. If he knows you will move on, he may tell you he would want one later, just to keep you. But that would only make matters worse.

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I think it depends on what 'doesn't right now' means. If he means not in the next 6 months or a year or so, but definitely will want one soon, then it's up to you but I would think it's reasonable to wait a short time until he's ready. If he means not for a long time and secretly hopes you go off the idea in the meantime, then yes, it is a reason to move on. <br />
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You never know if you are going to fall pregnant quickly or not

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it depends on alot of issues the first question you have to ask yourself do you love him or do you really want to start a family more ,if so move on if not stay

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I've been with someone who had ptsd from war. That's a toughy. I have ptsd but it's not the same kind. If he's afraid of being a father rite now, I don't see what the big deal is. You don't want to rush something and lose each other. If you really love him listen to his side of the story. Ask him why he doesn't want to. After you show him that your really listening ask him to listen to what you have to say.

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If you are married to him, that is going against your vows. I read this as your not being particularly selective, who the father might be, as long as you get your baby.

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He and i r no longer married. when he returned from his 2nd tour from Iraq..(i was loyal and faithful thru both of his deployments and supportive and available day/night for his phone calls home..which any wife shud/wud do for their husband/wife), he had a lot of issues adapting. i was supportive, i offered to go to marriage counseling with him..and none of it worked. he divorced me. PTSD=Commitment issues. we are baxk together now..but not remarried..which is another commitment issue of his. i can settle on not remarrying any time soon. but he knows my plan has always been to have children before 30..we have two years left. doesnt seem like thay is going to happen.. :/

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I apologize for my remark. Please forgive me. It sounds like you have plenty of reason to find another partner. Best of luck to you.

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Yes. You can't both be happy in this situation. Of course one can come up with a million romantic reasons to stay together, but the fact remains: you are not on the same page and you won't be happy. No matter which way you decide to go, one will be on a path that makes them unhappy. Might even start hating the other for making that decision...<br />
The two of you deserve a partner who is on the same page and can satisfy your needs. Better separate now, while you can still agree on that and don't jump at each other's throats!

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It depends on how you old are and him. What about marriage? Isn't that the first step? And does he want children in his future?

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We've alrdy been married. He went to war..developed ptsd..cudnt adapt to civilian life..we fought a lot..he divorced me..came baxk to me a year and a half ago after therapy..for 6 months ive been expressing my want for a baby. He told me October..then come September, he tells me he's not ready.

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So you love him enough to let him father your child, but you dont love him enough to wait until he is ready to have one?

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Married @ 19. Divorced by 23. Back together @ 26. War. PTSD. Therapy. I work witg him as much as i possibly can. But im not getting any younger..and fear that if i continue putting off my wants in life, i'll end up missing out on the things i want in life..due to his commitment issues.. :(

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So you can only love him and stay if he impregnates you?

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Well..there's no rsn to make it sound like a negative thing. becuz the fact of the matter is, that if i didnt have expectations of any kind, i'd still be with the same man who used to belittle me and blame me for his problems with dealing with his own issues. I didnt divorce him, he divorced me. And in time he realized he needed to get himself help.
Important not saying.g that i don't love him with all of my heart. i want things to work. but i don't want to lose sight of my wants in life to be understanding of his issues..and respect them..if he can't respect my position and wants in life.

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Ok so you can only deal with him and his problems if you have a child with him..

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I can respect the fact that ur helping me think of this is a manner such as questioning how much i actually care about him and love him. but i kno i love him. However..in life, its important to kno that u have to love urself before anything/anyone else. ur no good to anyone else, if ur not good to urself. Having children is imperative for me in life. whether it be birth or adoption..if he physically cudnt give me a child, thats perfectly ok. There r alternatives. but where do u draw the line..was my original question..stick with that.

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well you know whats right for you, and if you want a family that bad he should support you in your decision, seeing where you have supported him in his trials in life...Good luck and I hope you have a healthy beautiful baby in your future..

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