My boyfriend and I have been dating for a bit over 9 months and we are a very good pair in most aspects of our relationship. The only issue that we've seemed to run into is our differing opinions on BDSM. I'm very into the BDSM community while my boyfriend is more of a vanilla lover. Although at first glance one would probably assume me to be a dominatrix, I am a submissive at heart and want to be my boyfriend's slave. However, he doesn't seem to like the idea; he doesn't like the idea of punishing me or being "too rough" or having me call him my master. He will occasionally role play with me, but I want more than just that. How do I explain to him that I need more than just role playing every once in a while, but rather a true dom/sub relationship? Has anyone else had a similar issue with a partner?
aym95 aym95 18-21 8 Answers Nov 4, 2013 in Dating & Relationships

Your Response


Start being more seductive... go buy yourself a latex suit or something kinky to wear... Get home a bit early and send him a kinky sms that will give him a ***** in no time... then bind yourself to the bed... (if your into that)

Be more seductive and kinky in public.. for eg. Don't wear a bra with a low cut dress... or higher heels than usual and a mini dress... flirt with him more in public.. go sit on his lap and whisper in his ear that you dont have anything on under this mini of yours.. or that you want to go back to your place...

Do more roleplaying... take it to a higher level.. say the roleplay starts at friday.. stretch it out to sunday...

Buy yourself a chastity belt... put it on in front of him and give him the keys... say something like.. would you do me a favor and keep this for me.. or please dont loose these...

Back to public... when you are feeling VERY kinky... ask him if you can go out the night... but beforhand place a wireless romoted controlled vib in your special pocket... go sit in a quiet corner... when the time is ready.. just slide the controll to him...

Believe me... my girlfriend did these things to me.. he will give in...

Best Answer

Try starting off with little not sex related things and build from there.

That's what worked for me as a Dom. I told him he needed to change his shirt before we went out.

Look around online, there is a lot of info out there.

Best Answer

If he's open to it, you could refer him to some BDSM information. There's an easy to find "nice guy's guide to kink." (google it)

That helped my boyfriend a lot.

But when it comes down to it, it may not be his thing. If it's something you need in your relationship it may not work out. It can't hurt (too much - maybe) to try showing him what and why you enjoy what you do, but it may not end in him being your ideal master.

Best of luck!

Best Answer


Best Answer

Many people have trouble adapting to such an idea. One thing I would recommend is lots of research, learning, and discussion. Effective relationships of this sort are more nuanced and complicated than many people realize I think. As far as roughness is concerned, one practice I like to use is graduated roughness. Start out gently and let it grow and grow. Once you get to just the right level, let it be known. One fear is going to far and causing harm, but I think the graduated roughness technique is pretty effective at preventing that.

Best Answer

I'm with your boyfriend on this one, maybe you should find someone who shares the same interest as you? And personally, I have NOT EVER had this issue with my boyfriend… we respect each other.

Best Answer

for the record, BDSM has nothing to do with a lack of respect for either partner

Best Answer

Well, whatever floats your boat honey. If you like BSDM, you go forth and do it!

Best Answer

You didn't say whether you are dominant or submissive. If you are dominant, then I will let you water my oak.

Best Answer

Time to break up... and move on.

Best Answer

Related Questions