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I fall in love fairly easily and when I'm in a truly special relationship I give everything I have. I also manage to **** up a lot and the relationship ends. I find the endings utterly devastating and then find myself dating again just to distract from the pain of the loss until I find someone I can love again. I realize this is probably a normal cycle but I don't want to do it anymore. I have a boyfriend now (1.5 yrs) who I would love to settle down with. He's incredible and while every relationship has it's ups and downs I totally accept him for who he is and I'm totally crazy about him. I'm pretty sure he's going to leave me (long story). I feel like I need to stop being in relationships. I can't take the endings and I can't seem to stay in one. Has anyone mastered the art of being alone but not lonely? I wouldn't mind it if my heart just closed up shop after this one.
thesadness thesadness 26-30 13 Answers Aug 10, 2009

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Wow, what a tough question.<br />
Why are you so certain that your b/f will be leaving you soon? If you are both really in loove and special to each other, no-one else will be able to hold a candle to you.<br />
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If you are finding that the relationship lacks zest or has become jaded, why is that? You sound a really genuine person, who wants to make things work, so what is it that you do that has ruined past relationships? Its actually the 'downs' that make the mortar that holds a relationship together. Challenges that you have both overcome will bind you together, if you can give each other time and be good listeners. It has tpo be said that all of this dep[ends on you being a good match in the first place, you seem to feel good about that. <br />
BTW: If its of any interest, I also fall in love easily!<br />
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Please don't give up and be alone - it sounds as though you have so much to give, and even if the right person hasnt yet come along, they will do one day!

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Actually.. yes. Ive done it myself. found myself going from one relationship to the next because i can't hold one down and it hurts so much.<br />
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But the truth is.. Ive kinda realised, that relationships don't work until you learn that you CAN be on your own. You don't need a man to make you happy, everyone makes their own happiness in this world. Eventually you will share that with someone you love, but you can't until you've found it in yourself. <br />
I'm not sure if it's the same for you. But to be truthful, sometimes, it will get lonely. But maybe that's because you're not used to being on your own. Go out with friends, have fun, be your own person, do what you love.. and eventually... you'll learn to cope. and then one day, maybe love will find you. And things will be different.

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Just read this and made a profile for saying thanks, i needed to read something like this.

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Well i can honestly say that after 2 and half years of being on my own i have become comfortable in my own skin and i dont feel lonely anymore. Well ok maybe once in a while but its not anything that i am bothered by.<br />
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Maybe that is exactly what you need, some time to get to know yourself again. A break!

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The physical side is easy. Stop accepting dates. The "wanting companionship" is MUCH harder. And quite frankly I would counsel against it, because you sound like a person who "needs" other people. But if you must, here are couple of tips from a natural born "solitary " man. Acquire a bunch of interests that are best done alone. If running or swimming, always be trying for time or distance personal bests instead of social exercise. Hobbies can be collecting of some kind or Photography. Again something that needs patience ansd can mean other people are a distraction. Finally, fill your life up with so much that if asked out, you always have "other plans". However, it ISNT a great way to live. Most of us are gregarious by nature. (Even I have a wife and kids.)

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join a convent

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Just take time out for a couple of years, discover your own identity instead of just reflecting on how others see you. get to know your self first. it can take a while but theres no hurry.

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Well I envy you, at least you have been involved in multiple relationships. I never have a date in my life and all girls think i am too short and ugly. If you are alone i don't think you can stand it for more than a month or two. I have no one in my life for the past 38 years and I am giving up. So don't stop dating...at least when on the day you die you can have all these wonderful memories( the good one and the bad on), unlike me I will died with only loneliness and nothing else.

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sounds like you're expecting yourself right out of relationships. give the current relationship a chance. if you expect the worst, you'll probably get it.

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As silly as this may sound those who find confidence in themselves are never left to themselves , when you reach that level where your happy about everything about you so does everyone else notice and want .<br />
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About all you can do is go on date and end it with thanks I'll catch you later . Sometime it makes them want you more but most go on their own way . Those that will no accept that answers are the one you really don't want , no exceptions .

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Become best friends with Dave Coulier.

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I focus on my friendships and am studying something extremely difficult to master. The more time I put into those two things, I naturally do not worry about having a romantic partner. I don't have time and the progress I make on my skill is so rewarding. I think if you don't have an interest like that it will be harder. I also go to the gym a lot. You will have to work at being single because there is constant pressure from society to find a guy in order to be a valuable person. But if you get on a roll with your career and your passions (especially exercise), that might be more rewarding to you. It has been for me.

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