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gunsnrose gunsnrose 18-21, F 28 Answers Nov 15, 2012 in Rape

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seek professional counselling DONT blame yourself

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nuff said right there

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This may not be the ideal forum but as you have been strong enough to take this huge step, take the best advice anyone here has or will give. Seek professional counselling. I can assure you this will not fade with time unless you face it fully and with the right guidance. I dont know where you are (country etc) but have a google search for Rape counsellors and advice centres. My only concern is the person who committed this atrocious act is atr large to do it again. I truly wish you my deepest regards for your future happiness and my admiration for your strength. at this point i think you are right to not speak to your partner but i must reiterate, please, please speak to someone at aa contact centre or clinic. You owe it to yourself to get back to the person who you really are and to remove the fear this monster has instilled in you. Again you have my true wishes for your future. Be well.

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thank you so much, i live in the UK and have been very skeptical about seeking counselling but are now looking into it, I feel that if i can make myself stronger I will feel like my old self again he took advantage of me when I was drunk I don't want him to win, I want to be happy to be able to make my friends and people around me happy. thankyou again

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Contact Rapecrisis freephone 0808 802 9999. They will guide you further. It may seem daunting or even impossible but i guarantee this is your best course and will help you. Check their website, they have odd times the lines are active. Free yourself of this burden as soon as you can, it was the act of a low-life, youre better than to allow it to affect your life.Keep being strong and my thoughts are with you.

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thank you so much for your help

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That is a bad one honey, but it happened. Dont give him the satisfaction of feeling he beat you. There are many good days ahead, and you came out of it stronger than him

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I like that thought thank you

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Honestly, it will take a long time, depending on the kind of support you find. But remember this, this happened to you, it didn't happen because of you. Nothing you did brought this on. DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. Please, please, please tell someone. Just telling people here, is a little like therapy. You've basically said it outloud. No one laughed, no one judged you, no one blames you. You can do it. Please let me know how you're doing. I don't know you, but am really concerned for you. See, a stranger is worried and wants you to get some help. People care for you, whether you know them or not.

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Take martial arts not only will it help you to defend yourself it will mentally help you to get past the past and build up your self esteem. Also if the man is found and caught and you have to bare witness against him that will be a huge first step in letting go because you have confronted your attacker.

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thank you this has been a big suggestion tbh, i already know the guy he was a "friend"

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You need to go to the police, he is no friend. Don't let this event define you and the rest of your life. If you can come to terms with it you can turn it around and instead of it defining you as a victim you can use it to make yourself stronger. Don't let this guy get away with it because if you hold him accountable then he won't have any control over you ever again.

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but no one knows about it only him and his friend who was there and me if i take it to the police it will be taken up in court and I will officially be known as the rape girl i want it to be nothing but something that shuldnt have happened to me in my past and move on with therapy and help

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Why he gets away with it and can go and victimize someone else. If his friend was there he can corroborate the story and put him away. Don't just think about yourself think about others that he could do the same thing too.

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Seek professional help and NEVER drink alcohol again. In order to be strong next time, control your mind, don't let it control you. You have seen what alcohol did to you (I know cause I just read yer reply to Olafsen). <br />
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Give up drinking.

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i am going to seek help, i think swearing off alcohol would be extreme at the minute i still drink but only around people i know i am safe within their company who have looked after me before and will again, I just NEVER drink to the point i dont know whats happening and never take drinks from men again

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Wow. I can't even begin to contemplate your situation and how you are dealing with it day after day. For that I am truly sorry that this happened to you. I do have a couple of suggestions though for what it's worth. First of all have you tried talking to a therapist? I know they're expensive but if you have medical insurance then you might be able to see one at either low cost or possibly free. I'm not saying you need medication or anything but sometimes we just need people to talk to who won't judge us. Think about taking a self defense class. After being raped your sense of security is shot and an excellent way to start to get it back is taking a self defense class. It is very empowering and a good confidence builder. Try yoga (if you don’t alreaady), it is truly amazing how it makes you feel calm and can just release the stress and anxiety. take deep breaths and let your mind go blank.Tell me you don’t feel a little better after you take a few big deep breaths. Well, when you are doing yoga, not only is your body trying to align and release your stress you are holding in your body, but you are really breathing the whole time and getting oxygen to your entire body, which is not only a calming affect but helps the tightness in your muscles to release. So trust me just try it a few times, you don’t have to do it perfect (which is why I do it at my house) but I always feel better afterwards, never fails. i hope this helps. and feel free to contact me anytime. im here to help in anyway i can :)

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Thank you so much for your ideas i have tried yoga in the past recreation ally and i enjoyed it so i will try this :)

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Decide to let it go (hard I Know)THen go out and treat yourself to something fabulous. If u stay depressed the B******Won twice.The best revenge is living well. hugs

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CRAZYYYYYYYYY I said this too (hugggggggg oh yeas.........) ooh! :3

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I'm so sorry to hear about your pain. I've been there. If you don't seek professional help, you will only make one mistake after another in your relationships. You can not trust anyone right now because of what has happened to you but believe me there is a bright future if you get the help now.

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How unfortunate, having such a thing happen to you. Your sense of self has most likely changed, but you should seek professional help to help with that. <br />
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In regards to whether or not you'll ever be happy again, of course. It all depends on what you consider "happy"- are you expecting "dancing on rainbows" happiness or "woke up on the right side of the bed" happiness? i think at this point, "dancing on rainbows" happiness is unlikely. Be satisfactory with the little things, and your days will seem happier. <br />
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Consider animals that are abused- they may go their whole lives in tiny cages, suffering from illnesses caused by the disgustingly dirty conditions and lack of adequate nutrition, but if they are rescued and given proper rehabilitation they will come to be happier with time. <br />
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i think with time and help from a professional you'll overcome your current feelings and eventually return to the life you lived before the incident. Good luck, and feel better.

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I like that idea of enjoying the little things. i count myself lucky for making it alive and not having a brutal experience as others, i will definitively be seeking professional help

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Gad, that's horrid. Was it someone you knew? Police notified? You need help and that's going to be beyond an internet chat group. I'd google Rape Crisis and call someone. Get therapy, get into a group. You aren't alone. Personally I'd go for revenge, if possible. A group in San Francisco organized it so that a dozen women would go to a rapist's house or work and confront him. <br />
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And yes, you will be happy again, it will take time.<br />
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You might think about empowering yourself. I'd find a good martial art school (best guide I know of is in the stickies at the top of the page at Bullshido, an online martial arts group, in noobieville at the top of the page there is a good guide to finding a school, as many are junk).

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yes u will be ..its upon u ... if u want to move on and be happy u will. now u have to be strong and face the world.. and be with your friends and find the right guy and get sttle u will forget every thing which has happen to u...

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I have a boyfriend I've been with him for a year and a half and we're incredibly happy, he takes it all away when I'm with him I haven't told him of the event because I know it will destroy him and he will want revenge the idea of him at risk hurts me more, I give him my best when I'm with him and he gives me 10 times more him being unaware helps me because he doesn't treat me any different and the love never stops :) just getting past the actual thought is most painful right now

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so tell him if you love him so much and you believe in him so tell him do not hesitate if you didnt tell him soon it will hunt your future and destroy your future

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if i tell him he will seek revenge he will be ruthless and it will destroy him to know he couldn't do something, he really would stop at nothing to do something to him and i couldn't put him at that risk :/ plus he would want to know every little detail i do not recall any details of the actual incident, plus i couldn't handle him looking at me with sympathy or whatever he would give me i had it when my father died i hated being pitied,

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he loves you he wont give you sympathy and the person who has done bad to you had to be punished... by telling your bf you wont loss him you will gain his more love and attention he is your soul mate so dont hide from him just think if he get to know from some one else what will happen to your relation

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at the moment i feel too emotionally unstable and i cant find myself able to say the words out loud to myself just yet I've practiced many times and it leaves me in a state, maybe after therapy I will have the strength to tell him, time will not change a thing he loves me endlessly and given the circumstances i know he will understand my fears of holding it in, if he were to find out from someone else this would not change anything other than the speed in which I told him, if he did find out it would most likely be portrayed badly but he would come to me and speak to me if he had worry or concern to and i would tell him the truth, i was raped its a very sensitive area and it only happened 2 months ago so are very emotionally vulnerable. when he finds out will not matter he will be there for me no matter when

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Yes you will be happy again. But happiness is related to happenings..what is going on in the present. Right now, it is good to grieve and work through the issues...you deserve the time to heal after this crime. There are several stages you will have gone through and then you will start feeling more awake to the happiness of things again.<br />
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There is a time in life to deal with many things and I wish you well in making it through this period and finding joy and excitement in things again and no fear, guilt, or hate towards life as you are a survivor and will blossom into what good things you deserve to happen in your life.

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What kind of help are you getting to recuperate?

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none yet, its very hard to find a therapist local to me that is free

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There are plenty of online services which are very affordable. Regardless you can't do this alone so get the care you need. Do it now, k? :)

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ive been speaking to RAINN online :)

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Good for you!! But don't stop there. You're going to need a lot more care and love so get your family involved too, ok? :)

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lol:P Don't concentrate on it:P lololol hahahahhaha you don't need to and why should you care so much watch comedy entertainment games GAMES! DO ANYTHING YOU DESIRE! YOU ARE A GOD! HAHAHAHA I wish I could meet you I would give you all I have this day but I have nothing!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha I don't like it but think like you should dare to think...........................................?????????????????? DON'T YOU DARE BE THIS.<br />
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lol of course you could hahaha:P but how could you possible pass this then, you'll do it, you will win, you will accomplish you will climb this thing like a **** hahahaah or no I agree with you but as well I DO NOT. I don't know you I have NO IDEA what you are thinking about me but if you DO NOT LIKE IT THEN DISRE -****** -GARD IT. YEAH. You're great:D Goodbye:D

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Dear oh, deary me... looks like we have druggies on here tonight.

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Yes but it is a long road. You need to start with counselling. You did report it?

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no i didnt report it because of how it took place, ive only recently accepted that it was rape i also don't remember the events i can only infer from what he told me and the state of my body afterwards i have no idea how to go about reporting it. im too afraid of retaliation

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I understand your fear but he cannot be allowed to run free and enjoy his freedom while your stuck in a jail created by fear.

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Of course you will. Speak with a counselor.

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i'm sorry for you but u have to see a psychologist and try to think about anything else it is hard and it is still recent

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I am so so sorry to hear about that; have you talked to someone you trust since this happened?

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ive only spoken to my cousin (like my best friend) about it she helps me in social situations if i ever feel uncomfortable and is my support

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well it's great that you have somebody close you can lean on. Your parents don't know?

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no i only have my mother and she is dealing with so much currently and is weak from stress that this would push her over the edge

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hmm, well is this person still anywhere in your vicinity?

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yeah he lives locally to me so does his friend who was there at the time it happened and may have done something to me too i don't recall the events, i also live 4 minutes away from where it happened, he is known by my friends too

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