Please seek professional help, an awful thing to have happened to you and I am so sorry. With the proper help and support you can get past this. Do it for you, not just the relationship. Wishing you well.

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I have tried going to a therapist but I cant open up to them because I feel like since it didnt happen to them than they dont understand. Some of the things they say and want me to say makes me feel even worse. I just dont want to let it keep running my life when I should be a normal 21 yr old.

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It can take time to find a good therapist and also time for the relationship between client and therapist to develop. You can find your local rape crisis centre, they might be able to direct you to a therapist or even a survivor group. Don't give up, don't let this horrible experience define your future. Look around for rape support groups on EP, maybe reading about others' experiences and how they overcame it can help you realise you are not alone and it is do able. Please please don't give up, you are worth the time and effort.

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I didnt see anything on here or I must have looked over it because I really dont even know what I am looking for.

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You have to play around with words a bit, let me try k

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OK, go to experience groups and click on browse. I typed in rape survival groups and there were a few. From there you will find other groups and more people who can support you from their own experience. Remember no rush, read some stories first, comment when you can relate and hopefully eventually you will be able to share your own story. You will be amongst friends. Take care and heal from this.

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Thank you that means alot... Really thank you

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No problem.

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One of the roles of a therapist is to help you understand yourself. It seems to me that its more important that you understand yourself than it is for anyone else to. Even though someone's been raped, the manner in which they deal with it may differ from the ways you and others will. <br />
A formula I use is to acknowledge what has happened, work through it, and then move past it. <br />
Acknowledging it is accepting that it happened, working through it is going through the process of knowing and understanding how you feel about it, and moving past it is about knowing you cn't change it, but also knowing that it's not happening anymore. <br />
It sounds to me that your experiences have left you feeling taumatized. If you don't already know, you may have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). It takes time to work through the process of recovery from your experiences, but hang in there....as you work through things, it will become easier to cope with.<br />
When u r going to be working through your experiences, it is important to be and feel safe, have supports, and to do a lot of self care. Also... Stay strong! <br />
It helps for some to have a counsellor that can relate to what youve experienced, but I don't think it is always necessary. The important thing is that the counsellor can help bring what's within you up to the surface of your mind, and out of you as well sometimes so you can better see what it is you are holding onto inside yourself in terms of memories, feelings, thoughts/ideas...etc. a counsellor/therapist can help you let these thibgs out so you can acknowledge them, wotk through them, and move past them. There may be aspects of what you went through that will surface quickly that you may work through and move past quick, other things will require more time, patience, and maybe more enrrgy too. <br />
One of the functions of our brain is to keep us alive. if something is too traumatizing for us to handle consciously, our brain will handle it subconciously. I think it's best to focus on what you can comfortably handle. <br />
I think it is imperative to love yourself unconditionally, refrain from self blame, know that you're not alone, and remember that this too shall pass.<br />
I hope this will be helpful. <br />
Stay strong u! :)

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I want to first start saying: I'm sorry that happened to you. <br />
I hope you know it isn't your fault. <br />
You shouldn't see any therapist. Find one who has experience in rape. There's centre's or community centres with social workers / therapists there who are well trained in this type of therapy.<br />
If you aren't ready saying everything at once, you shouldn't be pushed and sometimes to get better you need to say everything and let everything out even though it is hard ... this is the way you will get better.<br />
<br />
Take care of yourself!

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Thanks. How can I open up though if I am not ready. Yeah I know it ended 13 years ago but it still feels like it started yesterday and I still dream about it and to me it feels real and still feels like he touchs me and looks at me. I just dont know if I can tell someone everything.

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You don't need to open up all at once. You will see the therapist once a week and for an hour each time. It will go bit by bit, step by step. At first it'll be hard opening up but then, you will find it a little easier or less uncomfortable. You got to find a therapist who you are comfortable with to make it all happen and work well...the connection needs being there.

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I have tried to find a therapist and everyone I have went to and everyone I have talked to wants to talk to me like I am a child and I hate when someone says its not your fault. I know that it is not my fault I was to young to even know what that was and I would never had or have put myself in the position for it to happen. It just kills me inside to know that it happened for 3 years and than again when I was 16 by someone that I loved and that I thought loved me and that I was supposed to marry. I got outta that relationship more messed up than what I was going into it.

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I'm sorry, I also told you its not your fault. Maybe all the therapists you have seen, weren't the one's for you. There has to be someone out there to give you your help and what you are looking for. You should go back and when you go back, tell them: You don't want to be treated like a child and things will pick up from there. As a friendly advice: I suggest you should go seek help because you need to get better and free yourself from your feelings and emotions.

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Find a therapist who went through what you went through. It is easier to talk to those who have actually gone through the same pain. It could be what you need. When I got out of the service I found a vietnam vet who became a theripist. I was in The Panama invasion, the first Persian Gulf War and Samolia. I needed a combat veteran to talk to. He was easier to talk to and we made good headway. Thanks to him I have a normal life again. I still have nightmares and still have memmories. But I am in controll. I have learned to get on with life.

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I have tried that and its just not that easy

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I didn't say it was easy. i said it was easier than talking to someone who had no idea what it was really like. nYou have too choose for yourself. You have to give yourself the goahead. And it is going to be hard. So how badly do you want to get on with your life?

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