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LupusMcGillicutty LupusMcGillicutty 26-30, M 8 Answers May 2, 2013 in Dating & Relationships

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It's a trap, the abuse built up slowly, plus her self esteem was slowly eroded. For some they were raised in an abusive household, it seems familiar to them. Also she might believe leaving will put her safety at risk. Horrible situation. Oprah (yes her) did a great show on it, still on her web page I think. Many girlfriends are killed or disfigured in such relationships, she give advice on how to get out safely.

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It's never, ever, ever as easy as it sounds..You have every right to be upset- it is likely i would be too..But in the end she's the one getting beat up after all. Wounded women are a very peculiar thing- they will do all but whats best for them..Then again, perhaps that's just humans in general.

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The irony is that her boyfriend helped me out of a bad relationship, years ago.

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Kick his *** and tell him you'll do it again every time you see her with a bruise.

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I should. He certainly has it coming.

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Don't feel bad about that. The way he behaves to her makes a bald statement, but under a different light he could still have traits of a good man. In my work, aside from the common narcissistic sociopath, most people who behave in very abusive manners are actually the weakest who need the most help. People are never one sided- it's the most saddening thing.. Be there for her- deal with him as little as possible. She may hate you now, but she may be grateful once it's over. When working with the mentally ill i noticed that people in need, particularly those incapable of taking care of themselves, are somewhat like wounded animals. If you try to pick them up they will scream and kick, and after treating them there is no promise they will not still run away in fear, but inevitably, it is for the better. Do what you must to make sure you will sleep at night knowing you tried to do all you can, step away if it's too far for your well being. She's blessed to have such a good friend.

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Thank you. She is acting like I crossed the line and had no right to say anything, but she came to me and has talked to me about this for a couple of years. I feel like she made it my business to step in and say something, but with the way she's reacting, I don't know if I should apologise to keep her friendship or stick to my guns and lose her.

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If the words "I love him" are uttered, then it's not as simple as that. A girl who sticks with a man who beats her, has deeper psychological problems that are often looked by somebody else's level of common sense and concern. A woman who feels trapped, however, may feel the need to protect her family by sticking with him. She may be afraid of his threats, which may be empty. Either way, a woman who is in a bad relationship is still in desperate need to be taken out of it, whether she asks for it or not.

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And now my best friend is mad at me because I want to help her.

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Wounded woman are more defensive. Their pride and dignity are damaged. You can't go in there guns blazing and expect a good result. I hope you offered your help subtly.

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We've talked about this for the last couple years and I've always been subtle. But a few days ago I had it and was more up front with her.

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No. She should get a piece of paper which says he should stay away from her ... but ... a fist is strong then paper ... hmmm interesting question, lol

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There already is a restraining order but she insists on seeing him in private.

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Then the dude in question is an absolute Dumba ss... To me it sounds like a trap. Besides that, if there is one in place and the law finds out ... It doesn't matter what either of them say, His gonna live in the prison system for a bit

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Not necessarily. She might just be afraid that he'll come after her

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True. But what if she says she really loves him and it is indeed the case.

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And that isn't even all he does. But I won't go that far into detail.

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