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I'm trying to figure someone out.... who says he finds sex disgusting. I've now learned that he has a problem with premature ***********. I'm wondering how much of a huge deal this might be for a man psychologically. I haven't really had any luck finding male insights online. He has some pretty demeaning attitudes about women. And he has no single female friends...only married ones that he says he does not find attractive and that seem to dote on him, almost in a motherly way. The whole thing is kind of strange. I was trying to be his friend, but he warned me that he is "walled up". Then he told me I am attractive. And started being "stiff" with me...saying insulting things. And being detached. Not the way he treats his married female friends. I don't understand. Could it all be about his sexual issues?
Vessa Vessa 41-45, F 5 Answers Jan 10, 2011

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That is strange to say the least, it is insecurity to to abusive to anyone. I know that if my problem was premature ***********, I would not think sex as disgusting. I think of s e x as beautiful as long as the feelings are mutual. I do not find anything about it disgusting, except the fact that I am not having any!LOL

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He told me once that he used to be actively sexual with his wife. But they divorced. Don't know the details, but he says she ended it and that there were some sex issues that she brought up at the divorce. So maybe it has always been an issue. Heck. I'm confused.<br /><br />
Thanks for you input.

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I concur with the others that he needs a therapist. You cannot help him. Sometimes folks who were raised in hyper religious or puritinacial environments gain incorrect and unhealthy attitudes towards sex which can affect their performance. How old is he? Were his other partners domineering or bitchy? Did he have an inappropraite emotional relationship with an authority figure while young? What were his father's attitudes towards his mother or other women? This is interesting and just leads to more questions about the person.

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Yes. More questions than answers, unfortunately. The guy is 43. I know that his parents are religious, but I'm not sure if it's in an overzealous or harmful way. He told me his wife was a tiny thing and that she spent too much money. That he pinned her by the neck to the wall once...she threw something at him...just glimpses really. Not enough for a complete picture. And for some reason, I can't rest my mind because of the things that don't make sense. I'm like that about puzzles I can't solve....it's a curse! :)

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It could very well make him resentful towards women he sees as sexually available. The problems he has had with his ex wife have ruined his self esteem. He should seek psychological, or even sexual therapy. This Problem might not have been a real problem before his divorce, but may have manifested itself in his mind due to his exwife comments during the divorce. <br />
He may believe he is a short fuse guy but in fact is perfectly normal, depending on his exwifes ability to achieve fulfillment. ie: Her too short may have been HER problem not his. <br />
Have you had a chance to try him out for your self? I mean You could find he lasts JUST the right amount of time. If you find him sexually desirable, tell him that you want to be the judge of his ability and Too hell with what his (insert word here) of an ex wife said.<br />
Boost his ego by telling him how good he is, how you love his abilities. If he (god forbid) shoots early, get him fired up for the next round, treat it like its no big deal. Soon he will realize it is, and he will come back to being a self confidant man again.<br />
Its not the end of the world... he just has to relax and let it happen

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I am really just a friend....and not even sure that I am that, since he has leveled abuse at me. And I don't want to enter into a sexual relationship with him as his therapist, thanks! I'm just trying to figure out something I can't understand....and the walls he has put up against women of a certain type regarding age, availability, attractiveness, and marital status. He is rejecting what most men would find most desirable. It's just so strange to me. I think seeing a real sex therapist would be his call....but he refuses because he thinks he will be laughed at.<br /><br />
<br /><br />
Thanks very much for your input.

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Hmmm, to me this is an interesting question. I wonder which problem leads to the other. I'm no doctor, but I always thought Premature *********** was a psychological problem and not a physical problem. So I wonder if the misogyny and needing to be mothered led to the sexual problems or the other way around. Either way, I would probably try to avoid a relationship with this person.

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