He always talks about the daughter we are going to have. He actually talks about having a family more than me. He's a few years older. He also says that he wouldn't have children without being married. One day he told me that he felt that we had come full circle. (We used to not get along at all.) In that same conversation he said that he was trying really hard to change for me, not that I asked him to. Does that mean he wants to marry me?
SimplyComplex SimplyComplex 22-25 12 Answers Jul 27, 2009

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This is the big stall, he's telling you enough to keep you where you are? how long have you been together?? if it is more than 2 years, get ready to bail, 2 years is long enough for even the most dense of the male of the species to get his act together. Tell him you can see yourself with him too but yawl should take a break and see other people. see what happens. PLEASE honey don't let me hear you've been languishing with this joker for 5 years and he drops your *** and gets married to a kid he met 3 months/ weeks ago. this is a familiar story! take that break.

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Yes. one of the reasons heartbreak is so painful is your future fantasys have been destroyed. they hurt so much because you fantasise about them (without really noticing it) so much. Every time you think about this you strengthen a neuro pathway in your brain.

If he keeps saying this and MORE importantly thinks it or fantasises (visualise) it hes probably in love with you.

Just make sure their not just words :)

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Sounds like he is telling you all the things he thinks you would like to hear....BEWARE!!!!!

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Hi Simply,

First, coming full circle brings you back to the beginning...he probably means 180 degrees.

Second, there is a difference between saying "I can see myself" and "I see myself"....I can see myself is two or three steps below .."I'm crazy for you"...or..."you're the only girl in the world for me". Call me an idealist but you can wait until you're married 5 or ten years before the passion is precisely before marriage that you want to see some peaking of intensity. Call me a hopeless romantic but if he starts with "I can see myself with you" we expect that it will get better?

...And ...Firenymph has it right...This stuff about..."I'm trying to change for you"...reeks of backpedaling. It is the proverbial backdoor exit created so that one may say ..."It's not you, it's me". Why does he feel he has to change? Who's to say he won't change short-term then revert back? What would happen to the relationship if he changed back? What if he decides that he resents having changed..... for you?

We fall in love with the flaws...we fall out of love when we start seeing the flaws as negitiive....Call his bluff..tell him you love him just as he is...Tell him if he wants to change that he should do it for himself...and that you will support him and be by his side for whatever help he needs.

Lastly, as far as the reference to family, he would have to be a pretty calculating fellow if he threw that out without sincere thoughts of marriage...(and you thought I was just cynical). OK he wants a daughter / family...He's digging you more and more...the pieces may be falling into place...but how long will this take?...How long has it taken already? Again call his bluff...he says he can "see himself with you"...Ask him WHY he says that...sit back cause this is the job interview and you MUST be the hiring manager...listen for fluff or for specifics that will tell you if he actually has envisioned marriage. He mentions family and a daughter...How many kids? How old would he like to be when he has a baby? (maybe he wants to wait)...Why a girl? Think about it...don't cross examine him...but...his answers will tell you better than anyone on EP whether he is sincere.

Best of Luck and Peace.!

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Serious about what? Actually planning a life with you? Or just setting up a list of agreements and guarantees so he can still have you around just in case you get to not liking each other again?

Already he has told you his "vision" (also known as a "condition") for being together. He's told you that having kids must go along with being married. He also told you that you are now responsible for his changes. Has he asked you if you could see yourself with him and what kind of future you want? Has he asked if you want someone to change just for you? Would it kind of surprise you if he did? Why wouldn't he? I think you know.

He actually sounds so serious it's scary.

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It sounds like he is trying to manipulate you. Part of that manipulation could be your being more accepting of the way he is now. It appears that there is some underlying problem or issue and he does not really want to change his ways. He wants you to say "I accept you just as you are".

Is he financially secure for someone his age? What about his past relationships, did they all end because of the other person?

I'm a guy. I have seen it before. Listen to girlsearching.

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He sounds like he wants YOU by his side to live the rest of his life with. He also wants to see a little one of you running around.

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