If an expecting mom wants to put her child up for adoption can the grandma legally take it instead?

I don't know the legal answer to this, but I'm pretty sure that since you're 18+ you can make this decision on your own. Best wishes on this.

Sorry, I don't know your local rights!

I suggest you talk to someone with experience!

.............WE ARE NOT!!

in some states the family gets 'dibs' on the kid (biological father first then if he doesnt want it the grandparents can fight over it) if the mother wants to give it up for adoption but it depends on the local laws

Yea, one of my ex gf's did this with her daughter. I think all she did was write a letter and had it notarized. don't quote me though.

I can't offer you a legal opinion, as I'm not a lawyer. However, I CAN offer you a moral opinion. Your feeling that there are lots of qualified parents out there who would love to adopt your child is correct and they deserve to have that opportunity. With that said, I also want to add that no matter how good they might be as adopted parents...even if they are the best ones in the world...there is something to be said of blood relationships. No one is closer than a blood relative and a blood relative is most likely to provide the most sincere care of anyone possible.

I'm assuming your mother leads a normal life, of course. She raised you so you know better than anyone what kind of parent she is and how she handles children. Are you normal? If so, why would you deny her the opportunity to raise her grandchild, if she did such a good job raising you? It just seems like a snub, you denying her when she wants to do it.

I'm sure there are legal issues to the matter...but just pull yourself away from "legal" and ask yourself, "Hey, this is MOM who wants to do it...she wants to have her grandchild grow up with its family, not somewhere unknown in the world...perhaps within an adopted family who is not so great as they looked on paper. What if your child were to fall victim to a BAD adopted child situation and you had denied your mother the chance to have him/her? That would be YOUR FAULT for having sent your child off to fend for themselves. The guilt could be forever.

You probably want the baby gone because your relationship with the father is over. That's understandable. But on the other hand, you need to forget yourself and think of the child. I don't care how YOU feel....it's the CHILD'S position that matters. Knowing the POTENTIAL for adopted parents to be bad...and for the child to grow up, only to find that he/she is adopted and then want to find you...why would you take that risk when you know MOM is right there, willing to do it? About the only excuse I can think of to NOT side with your mother...is if she was a bad parent to you...or her situation now is so bad that the child would be in a dirty or bad environment.

Sorry to side against you but blood is ALWAYS thicker than water. Now legally speaking, I do know that your mother has the same right to apply for adoption of the baby as anyone else who is qualified. If she is deemed to have what it takes to care for the child, my guess is that the court would probably give the nod to a blood relative over anyone else. I think you need to say what STATE you are from, if you want an official legal opinion. Laws do vary by state.

In summary, regardless of anything else said herein, I think you should let mom do for your baby what she did for you when you were a baby. Imagine the rift that will be opened up and that will never leave your family, should you DENY her that privilege, then she applies to be an adopted parent and WINS in court??? Good luck dealing with that! You had better have some really good grounds to show why she CAN'T be the adopted parent...more than just the fact that you personally don't want that.

Why not let her have the baby? It makes sense. Why give or sell your baby to someone else, a complete strange who might have hidden issues that could halm the baby. Are you worried you might feel guilty everyday as your mother takes responsibilty for your abandon child, the child who doesn't suite your prefered lifestyle?

Any (Family Law) Attorneys on this board?

Is it somehow a fear that the child being so close to you would cause you heartache? I'm trying to understand why you wouldn't jump at the chance to have your mother care for your child? I can see if you were raped, etc. it wouldn't be fair for you or the child to be a constantly present reminder of your brutal experience, but you stated it was a boyfriend, thus the sex was most likely consensual I'm hoping. You are very young (relatively speaking) and my advice is to not 'give' your child to your mother, but rather 'share' your child with your mother being the primary care-giver. I think as you become older you will be very happy that you made that choice. You would then have the opportunity later down the road to have a wonderful relationship with your child and not only maintain but strengthen your relationship with your mother at the same time. Just my advice of course.

Why don't you want her to have it??

Please God don't let this be another Casey Anthony thing.

Though not an attorney, I have more than 30 years experience researching adoption and working with adoptive parents, adoptees and mothers who lost children to adoption.

As a good, concerned expectant mothers, you want the best for your baby. However, there is a common, albeit major, flaw in your logic.

The desire for your children to have both mother and father has caused many women to let go of their children only to spend a lifetime in regret, guilt, grief and shame. It effects very aspect of their lives and all future relationships. In your case it may end your relationship with your mother.

We all believe the myth that adoption provides a "better" life. It often provides more material advantages, but the trade off is the loss of all connection to family - unless you are fortunate enough to arrange the rare open adoption that remains open. Know, however that even that does not erase all the emotional impact described above for you - nor will it eliminate your child's feelings of rejection. It will be most difficult to explain to your child why you did not allow his grandma to care for him.

The final major flaw in your thinking is that married couples have a 50/50 chance of divorcing. They also experience death. There are no guarantees any adoptive placement will be any better or worse than a child staying within his family. - just different. All things change. Adoptive parents can divorce - you will likely marry at some point in time. You need to think of all these possibilities not make a decsion based only on the moment, or emotion.

You did not say how far along you are in your pregnancy. I hope you have many months left to investigate and weigh all of your options and to get in touch with mothers who have experienced the loss of a child to adoption. I suggest contacting Origins-USA.org for starters. Also, you want to speak with adoptees and see how they feel.

I further suggest you think seriously about not an either or situation with your mother, but a shared custody...or her helping YOU to continue to be the mother of your child. This baby could be the best thing that ever happened to you and your mother - or tear you all forever apart.

Finally, I IMPLORE YOU not to make any final decisions after your child is born and is a reality. Hold him in your arms and look into his eyes. Your feelings will then be very different than they are now when that precious being is merely an abstract thought, not a real life human being who is YOURS and needs you in a way that no one can ever replace.

If you do chose adoption, by your mother or anyone else - remember that open adoption contact agreements are not enforceable. Check the law sin your state. Do not let any adoption practitioners take you out of state. Adoption is BIG business and there are many unscrupulous baby brokers who cll themselves adoption agencies. Do not allow them to get you enmeshed with a couple wanting your child during your pregnancy or you will not be able to consider what is best for you and your child clearly and independently of feelings of indebtedness to them. You do not OWE anyone your child! But your child is entitled to you and his grandma and all other extended family!

Message me! I gave my daughter up for adoption when I was 19. She is now 20, and came back to me last year, she is living in my home and preparing to start college in the fall. Mine was an open adoption, and was a most wonderful experience !!! not to say that they all are, just so you know there are some really great success stories out there too!!

Big huggs, I know what you are going through!