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Arcadia24 Arcadia24 18-21, F 24 Answers Nov 14, 2010

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He doesn't love you, he's in love with the idea of controlling you to shape and mould to his every whim to ease the insecurity that underpins who he is. <br />
To a man like him, control is power and his way of exercising it at the moment is to cloud the issue through having you believe its because he "loves" you. It will not stop at that, believe me.<br />
This is a dangerous situation and he's demonstrating a prime characteristic of an abusive personality.<br />
He will manipulate you through control of you and you are vulnerable because you believe its through love.<br />
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I implore you to get away from him as soon as you can.<br />
A man who truly loves you does not need to control you.

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It's fear. Fear he isnt good enough, that he isnt enough for you, that he's not worthy of you, and you will find out, that he's not attractive enough or manly enough. Fear fear fear. Fear produces great anxiety, and he finds his anxiety levels decrease the more he controls you.<br />
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He is on the wrong track completely. The only person he should be controlling is himself, it is not you out of control, but him with his issues. He is not a big enough person to admit to himself this is all about his own behaviour, and nothing to do with anyone else. So instead of having the courage and honesty to identify his shortcomings and address them, - with professional help if necessary - he is dumping his issues onto you and pretending you are the one at fault.<br />
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As others have rightly advised you, get out now. Fear and anxiety that is not dealt with grows, and his behaviour will probably follow the usual pattern of gettting worse and happening more often. You will no doubt say 'but I love him'. Then ask yourself whether you are mistaking this emotion for another. Love is a free feeling, it makes you happy. Is this how you can honestly describe how you feel in this relationship?

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my ex did that. told me he loved me then went on and on about how i needed to stop being me. get away. you'll be glad you did. love,it might hurt a first but you will be thrilled you did. <3 good luck <3

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Because he knows that women don't know how to control their power. They must be protected from the world like little children.<br />
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.... or maybe he knows what an insecure loser he is and realizes the more time you have to meet other people, the more likely you discover what he really is, or meet someone better.<br />
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Run fast and far unless you really want to be treated this way. To stay is to agree to these terms of the relationship

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I grew up with a control freak. Believe me you don't want this. Love does not control someone.

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That's not love. He just wants to own you. Be very careful. Controllers are often abusers.

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Love and control are two different things control is usually about one person having power over another he wants to dictate and have that power to tell you what you can and can't do in my book i'm sorry but that is not what love is about.

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DO NOT LET ANY MAN CONTROL YOU HONEY, TRUST ME I HAVE BEEN IN A 25 YEAR RELATIONSHIP WITH MY LOSER OF A HUSBAND HE WAS DAMN CONTROLLING! DO WANT YOU WANT THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. STAND YOUR GROUND1 IF HE DOESN'T LIKE IT THEN TOUGH IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE! <br />
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YOU ARE YOUNG. FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU AS A PRINCESS NOT LIKE YOUR HIS POSSESSION !!!<br />
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GOOD LUCK X

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insecurity

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Control has nothing to do with love. Someone that loves you don't want to control you. Why would you put up with that? Find someone that will let you live your life and be yourself.

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If he truly loved you he wouldn't control you, your not a piece of property. I'd say get out while you can. Good luck:)

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for kicks

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Perhaps he isn't trying to control you, but rather protect you from himself and yourself. If you avatar is any indication of your approach to life, you are a very attractive and provocative girl, and he may just be trying to protect you from wandering into things that you will regret later.

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Right I'm in the same sitation babe if you haven't been with him long then get away trust me , I can't leave mine because I'm to scaried , every time I tried leaving he'd come back and hed get me back , he shouldn't control you trust its horrible , mine don't let me to talk to boys meet other boys and I had delete all my boy mates off facebook. If you have any sence dump him , its hard , ill be able to do it one day but yeah dump him is my best advice.

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a) coz he doesn't love you & b) coz you let him.

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are you sure it's about 'control' ? if it's about being possessive positively or being insecure then it's part of love. i suggest don't take it negative.

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he doesent trust you, or he dosent trust the people you come into contact with. Thats my guess, only a guess so disregard this answear

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im in same situation and I get sick physically cause its at the point were ive lost myself my self esteem and dignity I love him and hate him at same time ive invested so much and every time things are starting to look better he always goes back to the old him he is insecure and thinks he knows whats best for everyone but cant do anything with his own life idk if he loves me or not im at that point he makes me feel so good then like complete **** out of no place leave if u can if he cant grow with u its not worth it u need to keep control of urself don't lose it or youll lose everything u were

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You should always obey your man

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