What would you expect them to say? I am blissfully happy in my marriage but want to have my cake and eat it as well, so can I string you along as my bit on the side.

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i thought that for awhile until he got papers

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Honestly I would not wish to be in your position, He can tell you whatever you have no way of knowing how much truth there is to it. I am always aware of the saying if he can do it with you he can do it to you. My husband was a serial cheat, God alone knows what he told them, but there were no chains on the door preventing him from leaving. He is with someone now, but only because I finally had proof of his cheating with her. If not, I doubt he would have ever left. It is only a matter of time before he cheats on her. Really is he that wonderful a man? Up to you, but it could be years and years of waiting for you.

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he is but isnt i think its because Ive been friends with him for many years

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Read some of your other replies, he loves you but you are involved with someone else. Some people are happy being miserable, it feels safe for them, too scary to do something about it. There is nothing you can do or say, up to him really. Breaking up a marriage is hard, but so is staying in a bad marriage. I never kicked my husband out, never would, I just waited till he left. It was hard, we have children, they were losing day to day contact with their day, but it was for the best. Living in a bad marriage is a living hell, he has to decide to make things better for himself.

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I know ive told him that in different ways just the seeing and hearing the misery makes me feel worse, I dont ever wanna break up a marriage I never tried to break it up it was all him wanting out. and Ive messed up some myself in my relationship because of it and Im working on it to make ours better. I think its the whole fixing something wrong mentallity

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Just tell him you need a break from him, you want to concentrate on your relationship.

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thank you for your input

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No problem, hope you can sort it out.

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Making the decision to leave is far different than actually leaving. Even if he hates her and hates the marriage, sometimes all he can see are the downsides of leaving, especially if he has kids.<br />
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If you really believes that he loves you, give him some space and give him support. Have him go to individual therapy so he can emotionally withstand the onslaught that is to come. Let him knowmthatbyou are there for him . . . not for forever . . . But for him to time up the loose ends.

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I have been supportive just its a roller coaster and its effecting me the up and downs everyday are wearing me down

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I can empathsize with your plight. But you chose to have a relationship with a married man . . . it is very emotionally difficullt . . . but you saw something in him you loved.

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yea true just i think I failed at staying the friend when I fell and he fell and then i almost lost a 4year relationship because of this and i still struggle with this definying a line with him because I cant go back to the friend line he makes it impossible

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Fear and their other half may have brainwashed them into thinking they couldnt survive without them, they may stay for the sake of the kids or they dont think you are worth leaving marriage for.

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You can never go back to the friend. You are his secret love obsession and you either need to accept that you are his other women or you need to break all ties with him and realize you should be more then just some second best person to a man who is selfish enough to string his wife along while he dips his feet in the water with another woman. Respect yourself, break the tie and stay with your boyfriend. At least he is not stringing you along like this other "friend" guy.

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just because you have a fight with a family me,mber or a good friend,are you going to give up on them completely ? life is not perfect ,no matter how perfect the most oerfect marriage is, there is no such thing as perfection, you have to mallleable to life,to learn,laugh,and love. life is too short to end a marriage (over things that can be lived with,or things that can get better),if youre mature enough to make the decision and say the vows ,than a person shouldnt run away from the bad times,the grass isnt' always greener on the other side.

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Because they DO love you, and DO want to be with you, they just want the way things are to change. like how you treat each other maybe, or maybe the control issues, theres a number of issues that couples need to communicate and compromise on to stay happy. They just love you too much to leave. Its a hard spot to be in, you should try listening to how they feel. And do something about it..set your own ego aside and come to solutions both of you deserve to be happy

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Because they lack even a shred of integrity. This person is a pla<x>yer, working a game. Whether they are aware of it or not, it doesn't matter. Move on and good riddance to bad rubbish

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You got me there.<br />
Seems kinda inconsistent doesn't it?<br />
But so does being married and messing around with someone else.

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its hard to make a huge life change like that. ull have to file for divorce, have to go through many court cases fighting over property and if there's kids. its way harder to get a divorce than it is to break up with someone u dont even live with.

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yea i get that just tired of seeing him miserable, hes changed so much in the past year and is completely depressed I just wanna help but no clue advice to give to him

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there really isnt any advice u could give him honestly. u just have to think in his shoes. what if u were him with his personality? what would u do? and just keep being his friend and give him the best advice u can really. i have friends who keep making the same mistakes over and over and they ask for my help and i tell them the same things over and over. it hurts me.

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yea I think thats what makes it worse is I dont know what to say to fix it and it hurts that hes so sad and has changed so much. Id probably do what hes doing but then again Id try to leave when it first started to get bad so then it possibly makes it easier? Im trying to be the friend but its hard when you get wrapped up in the emotional and physical side and i got attached more and so did he and i feel lost along with him

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they are hoping it can get better. <br />
maybe there are kids involved and want to stay for them.

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like he got the papers and everything then she attempted something drastic and now hes staying but wants out

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oh so he is leaving his marriage for you, that is how i am taking this. this that correct?

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its was like that until she did the drastic act, its an emotional rollar coaster and he wants to be happy and says i deserve better but when i start distancing myself from him he chases back after me and he tells me now that if he woulda met me first, and idk how to even take that

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don't take it!!! move on. i know it is hard, but with me we were not that involved so i am glad.

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yea i know i have noticed Ive become more distant to him because of it all, I wanna be the friend I started out to be

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i did also, but he didn't just want to be just friends.

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That's what I'm finding out too he doesn't wanna go back to friends

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