If someone stays in an abusive relationship and constantly complains about it...should you keep listening?

Your friend is trapped...she's co-dependent and cannot leave him. This is very typical of a violent relationship...the fear of leaving because of the fear of punishment from him...the fear of what it would be like without him, etc.

If you leave her now, you are not the friend that you think you are or the one you should be. She needs help. She is afraid to seek it. He will beat her senseless then promise "I won't ever do it again." This is common...not some patriotic gesture that HE made and others don't. They ALL do this...every one of them.

Call your police department or local community services department. Ask for assistance on finding domestic abuse help and counseling. There are brochures and books on the topic. Don't let any of that information be found at her house. If necessary, see if it might be possible to "trick" your friend into going to a counseling session with you. Ask the counselors if they will do that for you. This is the time to show your love and support...not to abandon her. If you abandon her, you may find out she has been killed...and think how that will weigh on you for the rest of your life?

Be there for her. If you are not the abused one, it is really difficult to understand how they can remain there when it seems so easy to you that getting out is the clear answer. It's not that clear to the victim. Help her...don't leave her. Seek professional help in doing so. Establish a public record so if he tries anything, there is a previous record of suspicion already upon him. But GET HELP no matter what. Tricking your friend into seeing a counselor even ONCE...is well worth the risk of her DYING if you had done nothing.

You absolutely would not be a bad friend. If your friend enjoys the drama of the relationship okay but that doesn't mean you need to be pulled into it also. You can still be a friend without engaging in the cycle of drama and if your friend is unhappy that you won't then maybe they aren't a very good friend to you.

You could try this:

You can help her by starting to ask her questions that make her see the patterns in his behaviour. What did he do then? Were you injured? How did you feel when he did/said that? When he tried to win you back, did you believe him? Has he ever made these promises before? How long before the abuse starts up again? Point out that this cycle is typical of domestic violence. Make her look down the long years of her life and know that he is not going to change. He is controlling her by driving her away and then winning her back, and every time she goes back, she is letting him know that she accepts his behaviour. Advise her to talk it over with a counsellor at a women's centre or women's shelter.

Most women will return to an abusive relationship ten times before they finally give up.

I do understand that her relationship is hurting you, too, because you care about your friend. So, you could say something along the lines that in your personal honest opinion the man is dangerous and she should leave, and if she does, you'll help her in every way you can. But if she chooses to stay, please not to distress you by complaining about him.

Good luck!

If she's staying in this relationship, she's obviously getting something she wants out of it, whether what that thing is is positive or negative. Perhaps part of it is attention from you.

start avoiding her

She has to reach the end on her own. I have been where she is. No amount of distance or nagging you put to her, or from her will change a thing. She needs to reach that breaking point or be killed before it can sink in.

She is most likely on drugs right along with him. That's part of what keeps her going back.

I agree with Nan as far as your part in all this.

But don't close your heart to her. She needs to know she still has you in her corner.

I see you are young and am assuming she is too. Perhaps some tough love in the way of seeing what a long abused woman lives like years after.

I have a seizure disorder from to many beatings to the head. Broken bones and injury's to my body that at 48 I am riddled with pain every day in one way or another.

My 84 year old mother in law is in better shape !

Not to mention the long term damage drugs are doing !

Who wouldn't tire of that situation?! I have a friend with a similar 'relationship.' I think it's time you let her know how valuable she is, and that she deserves better, but won't get it unless she seeks it. Beyond that, take care of you first. If she continues to rant, ask to speak of something else, as he is not your favorite person.

Try to get her to a perfessional for consoling. I am not saying you havn't been great help. I was with it until I heard about the drug abuse and dog killing. He is dangerous.

if i were in your shoes i would be straight and tell her,,yes we r friends but when it comes to your boyfriend im sorry but im really not interested in your stories!

Tell her exactly what you're thinking. I think you should support her decisions in a way. But make sure that you make it clear that you don't necessarily like her decisions. Tell her maybe that you don't want to hear about every little thing that goes on in her relationship. but idk.

i was in that sort of relationship about 10 yrs ago,i only went back with him 4 times&am very glad my friends were still there for me!!if it happens time&time again(some people like the rollercoaster,up&down,on&off way of life)as a friend you cant help feeling for her but maybe if&when it happens again,try to distance yourself from the emotions or tell her straight that shes only gonna go back with him anyway so you dont really want to get involved!!i feel for you,shes put you in a horrible situation!!!good luck x

I'd get sick of it. I'd end up telling her to leave the jerk, or shut up about him.

i would say you have chosen your destiny no one can help you