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just wanting to take a quick pole I cheated on my husband with my best girl friend before we were married...I told him about it(perhaps I took a lot longer to tell him than I should have)but I worry that eventually he will use that as a free pass even though I have been a faithful wife for more than 8 years now.that sound so hypocritical to say but It scares me
MrsMurder MrsMurder 26-30 31 Answers Sep 14, 2010

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Why are you worryin about something that happened so long ago? If people are at a place that says they have to get even, then what does that say about the relationship. Unless there is something to make you feel that he might be thinking of it or has a reason to, forget about it!!!!!!!!!!!

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no. nonsense.

there s one scenery (?) i can imagine: your husband is attracted to someone at the same time you cheat, you tell hi, and he is partly relieved because you decide together that he is allowed to cheat one time too. That same day, or the day after. But several years later, no way jose. If he's hurt, he wouldn't do it, if he's not, maybe because it's a while ago, maybe because men ca be really stupid about girls 'cheating' with girls :S i dont get it anyway, if it bothers him he shouldn't want to payback, if it doesn't bother him he doesn't have any reason to payback.

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Since when have two wrongs been slated as being a right?

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Not necessarily.There's another option...simply walk away and never look behind.

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I think you should go back to "Love". We all make mistakes. Your's would seem like a relatively minor one in the big scheme of things. Neither of you are habitual cheaters. Some would not think this was really cheating since it was before marriage. You obviously have a deeply comitted relationship since this bothers you so much. Some would say..Love says never do anything that would hurt the other. Pretty good idea in my book. That leaves things pretty wide open subject to individual beliefs.



I think you are wasting your best years by worrying about this. How about directly asking him and telling him your worries. Find out if he still has lasting problems from it, etc . If the marriage is strong you should be able to work this out and then...forget it. Be ready for open and honest answers. Some guys have deep seated needs from things haunting them. Doesn't really matter if you both love each other madly....just honestly tackle the problem and do whatever is needed to start over.....and stop worrying

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Oh there are other things that can make that right....

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No. Why drag you yourself as low as that person?

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No. He has no right to cheat. He has every right to be mad at you and not to trust you but he doesn't have the right to cheat. "An Eye For An Eye" doesn't work very well in today's world. What is the upside for him to do it? Lose the moral high ground. Risk your marriage. Risk catching a disease. Lose your respect.



You did it BEFORE you were married (which is bad) but you told him (which is good- but naive and stupid). He is the one to deal with it now because even though it was a long time ago it is new to him and the pain is still fresh.



Now ask yourself- if he does cheat to get back at you- what would you do? He wouldn't be disrespecting his girlfriend. He'd be disrespecting his wife.

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I would stay with him...I feel like I deserve it in some ways





I would not try to get even,I would just want it to be over with...dose not mean that it wouldn't break my heart...hell I'm fighting tears just writing it.





and as far as me being naive for telling him...I just had to it was eating me alive and he did have the right to know.

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No if you want to be with someone else than you shouldn't be in a relationship! Cheating is cheating no mattter if its with the same sex!

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I know..that's why I feel so ****** and hypocritical

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No does not get you anywhere.....

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No. Because that destroys the relationship even more. And what about the people you use outside the relationship. How would you feel if someone slept with you to get revenge on their lover? Either dump the person, or start communicating to put the relationship back together.

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Leave.



With that said- A man is stupid to get mad over his wife sleeping with a woman. I dont even consider that cheating.

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I cant say that I don't consider it cheating because otherwise I wouldn't have taken so long to tell him...it really hurt him

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no, but it don't hurt

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Ya, but I wouldn't let it be known to them, I would just find the opportune time to cheat with them not suspecting anything and that would definitely make me feel better about the situation. Then, make them feel even worse for cheating on me when they think I wouldn't stoop that low XD

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I don't think ever two wrongs make a right, If a person is that set on being that vengeful then why not seek the best form of revenge and simple live well without that person in your life.

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thanks Jesus

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its called "keeping it even"

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Not if I know the intent behind.

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No, if you love the person that your with then no matter how much they hurt you, you would never want them to feel the way that you did.

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I cheated on my husband with my best girl friend before we were married...I told him about it(perhaps I took a lot longer to tell him than I should have)but I worry that eventually he will use that as a free pass even though I have been a faithful wife for more than 8 years now.that sound so hypocritical to say but It scares me

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