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angelicsmiles angelicsmiles 31-35, F 21 Answers Feb 10 in Community

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No, I would talk to them a find a way to change my presence being destructive. The best way to get a different result is to do things a different way.

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It's extremely rare for someone to have both the awareness of being toxic to others AND the wisdom or desire to stop.

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Idk if I would keep away from them. I'd probably try to find out why I was so destructive and try to change it.

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You can try but the people who really want to be close to you will find a way.

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Yeah... but it is not a good feeling to keep hurting them.

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John Green and Bob Marley both have wonderful quotes on the subject: "You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world...but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choice" and "The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for."

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Great quotes. Thank you for sharing.

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Ive never thought of my presence as of being destructive. ... perhaps it has been... would I ? Yes. I would like to think so... but could I if that person was someone I could not stay away from? Hmm not so sure... when some one has a hold of your heart how can u stay away?

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Only if I was wielding a chain saw. I am dangerous when operating one.

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Lol. I would imagine with your history of *ahem* clumsiness, you are possibly right.

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Ohhh,..I have not regaled the story of the chainsaw incident. Not so much clumsy, as easily distracted. Damn sparkly moments are going to kill me.

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Lol.

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If someone communicated to me that they found my presence to be destructive to them I would respect that as a boundary. I would make sure they knew that I was leaving the ball in their court as far as contact or communication, and basically leave it at that.

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no..i will try to talk to them about it..instead i being alone and make my dear one get into wrong perception about my self getting rude ..

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first find out whats wrong and try to correct the problem...analyze the impact on matters at hand....then try to create a situation that makes everyone happy...

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I never knew it was, I am sorry.

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if they matters to me a lot, their happiness is most important here...

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Of course.

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Yeah.

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I often isolate when I'm going through a 'low'. I'm bipolar, but I isolate so as not to bum anyone else out.

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I'm not bipolar but I need isolation at times. And this seems to hurt people around me.

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The people that I 'hide' from, understand and appreciate my doing so.

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I usually warn people early these days. If one can't get past the gate, I can only wish them well.

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Good idea. What if those warnings go unheeded?

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Then they get a second one after they first get to see one of my more unsightly personae. If they choose to stay past that, bless them. If they keep seeing them, and choose to stay, and none of what I am affects how they see me...well then, that...that right there...that's family.

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:) And, does it bother you they get hurt because of you? You don't feel guilty?

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I don't usually, but then, in a way, when they are at their worst, I'll be there just as they were for me, so in a way, it's an equal exchange, and honestly, I know I'll probably hurt or disappoint them (or at least I'll perceive it that way), and I let them know, or otherwise, they'll be affected anyway, so again, if they choose to stay and endure that, they. chose. to. stay. and. endure. that. that's called love. If they didn't love you they'd leave, and you can always apologise, but you can't always prevent slight disparities from causing a bit of hurt. People are different, and sometimes differences cause misunderstandings and such. Just so long as they love you and continue on that way, well, that's that.

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Yes, thank you.

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Those who love you will love all of you, and see only you, even when you're not necessarily the you they always see. Those who love you, will endure, for the pain is nothing compared to having you in their life.

Think of it like a scared animal. At first it bites and scratches and only if you keep holding it and keep still and let it know you are still willing to love it, does it eventually calm down, and even at its worst, realise that you can be a comfort.

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:) True.

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Lol, seems that even with little "life experience", I have plenty of answers.

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You seem to be very insightful and I do not buy the little life experience. Perhaps you are a deep thinker. Every time we've had these conversations that I how I perceive you.

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^_^ you just might be right, young grasshopper.

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Yes and I have actually done that before.

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