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but you haven't seen this person in about three months, nor talked to them in about a month, how would you react if they popped in to see you at the local university where you worked, with no warning, but just wanting to say hi, maybe talk a little bit? And maybe you suspect that they like you a little bit (in more than just a friendly way), but you're not interested in them... Would you be standoffish? Would you gladly talk to them? How do you think the average person would react in this situation? Please, people, I am trying to figure out what to expect... To clarify, I am the one going to see him...and I am a former student just looking to be friends, but I will confess I have a little bit of a thing for him, although I would never act on it...
lonelyheart807 lonelyheart807 41-45, F 9 Answers Sep 9, 2012 in Dating & Relationships

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Be confident in yourself and you should be ok.

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I'll try. Sometimes I am really shy around him...

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I'm sure he'll be flattered but beyond that I don't know. There's really only one way to know and that's to risk seeing him again. I hope it goes well for you but if it doesn't, you'll know where he stands and you'll know it's not going to be what you'd hoped for. You'll then be able to move forward and meet someone else.<br />
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Good luck and I hope all goes well for you.

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Thanks, but I already know he isn't interested (long story). I would just like to become better friends...

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There's nothing wrong with that. It's going to depend on whether he's okay with this. Some guys are fine with this but others are afraid you're always going to be hoping for more. Maybe he'll be flattered that you find him attractive and he'll cherish you as a friend.

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I don't know about the flattered part, but I could hope he would cherish me as a friend. I could use a good friend in my life...

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Then just let him know his friendship is important to you. I'm sure you have something to offer him and would be a good friend to him.

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Thanks...I hope he sees it that way too...

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The worse that can happen is he say please do not come to my work,call me or maybe he say I am w/someone and coming here is awkward.

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Well, I am technically still a student there (just not his), but I would still respect his wishes, if that was what he wanted...

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Don't be rude, but most importantly don't give him/her false hope.

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Thanks, I am the one going to see him...

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I would advise against it. Never a good idea to visit someone at work- they could be busy and not able to talk. Not only that, it's just awkward, especially since you haven't seen them in three months or talked to them. There is a reason for that. Send a casual email first and see how that goes over.

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Well, the only reason we didn't see each other for three months is because he didn't teach this summer. And I was only going to drop by and say hi after his class...I feel silly emailing him and asking permission to do that...

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Okay... but...... during those three months, how often did he contact you and say "Hey. How are you doing. Lets get together"? You wouldn't be asking his permission, just play it casual like "haven't seen you for a while, just wondering how you're doing. Let me know if you would like to get together for coffee or a drink sometime". Put the ball in his court and see how he responds to that before creating a potentially awkward situation.

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Wow! As if I would have the guts to do that much. I don't have that high of expectations...I am just hoping he'll have 5-10 minutes to talk with me...

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Use your head on this. Work is not a good place for visiting someone for casual reasons. Again, when was the last time he tried contacting you?Don't appear needy. Or, shoot him the email and say something like " I'm going to be up in your area on _____. What time do you take lunch.? Want to get together"?

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Again, not an option. He will be done work when I see him...class will be over. We both work full time jobs, so I can't ever do lunch, even if he would want to. What harm can come from stopping by to say hi?

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Because it's just not cool to drop by somewhere unannounced, especially if you haven't heard from him in months. What if he hasn't tried contacting you because he's not interested in a friendship? Why put yourself through that? Send an email first. Ask him how he's doing. If he makes no attempt at asking you to get together, than it's probably not a good idea just to drop by.

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No...I haven't seen him in a few months because he didn't teach this summer. We actually exchanged emails a few times. He actually told me to feel free to email him any time...and that was after class was over. At one point I requested his friendship on FB, and he accepted. So it's not quite as you make it seem...

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Omg. Are you really that blind? Not trying to be mean or out of line, but think about what you are saying! Fine, you didn't see him because he wasn't teaching, but, if he was interested in anything outside of the classroom, he would have made an attempt to see you! "Feel free to email anytime" means just that- no mention of getting together as friends or anything of that nature or having you stop by work. People email back and forth all the time. Facebook? Come on! Seems like this friendship is online only and one sided. You seem like a nice, sweet person. Don't let yourself be fooled.

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That's scary. A talk in a very public place is in order.

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I am the one going to see him, and I am only wanting to talk...

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Ok. Are you female? Because its a very different story if you're female..

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Yes I am a female...how is that different?

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It just is. I think you may be OK. Just don't blurt out the crush business.

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Okay...believe me, there is no way I would have the nerve to tell him...

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