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I stood up for myself with my "friend" because he was telling me that every little thing I did was wrong. Now he is telling me that he is so tired of it all and basically yelled "YOU WIN!" I think it may be the end of the friendship, if that is what it was.... and if I was right, why does it hurt so bad? Oh hell. It hurts.
Vessa Vessa 41-45, F 21 Answers Apr 5, 2010

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Exactly what this guy did, and you took the bait again so now of course, you are feeling bad and guilty. So when he said "You win", he was thinking to himself "Ha, got her again! Actually I WON."

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Of course it hurts--you are addicted. Two types in this game--the controller and the controlled. I change that to the sniper and the target. Because what you don't understand--is that you have all the power. The sniper needs a target more than a target needs a sniper. But, it will always hurt until you understand that from the top of your frontal lobe all the way to your heart--takes about thirty years--why old people always say--I wish I knew then what I know now. You could know it now--but you won't cause you like feeling hurt. It is your emotional reward for playing the game. You won't stop feeling hurt until you realize that you are making it all up yourself--God, I wish that I were you and knew what I know now.

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THAT HAPPENS ALOT. SOME PEOPLE ARE JERKS. FACT

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spit the dummy at you somehow, you don't need to be treated like that ..so think carefully about your next move.

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Friends don't talk down to you like that.Control freaks are narcissists with a superiority complex.God forbid they are wrong about anything.Anything wrong is your fault,never theirs.Truth is they fear their own imperfections and use you like a mirror.When they look at someone,they see themselves and they say it's "you" when it's really them.Sorry if I sound confusing...main point,they're egotistical and it comes from their own self consciousness

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Something stupid. Because they see they are losing control and act in a manor that they think makes them in control. This normally leads to something stupid.



It also depends on how controlling they are and how far you have allowed this to go to date.

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I'm sorry that you're hurt but glad that you stuck up for yourself! You have value....you don't deserve to be controlled or treated this way by ANYONE. You did the right thing. Some people once they have that control over you will NEVER give it up (even if you try to take it back!) I'm learning this the hard way. It's not your fault as you've clearly done nothing wrong here. I applaud you!

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If it hurts to stand up (state your opinion) then it was likely a one-sided friendship. You should never feel guilty for standing up, nor would a 'real' friend insult you for it.

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They fight back. They want to always be the aggressor in the relationship. If you stand your ground they may back away, they don't want confrontation, they just want a submissive person they can push around.



Also, it hurts to let go of something that's comfortable. Do you want to continue being controlled by this person or do you want to be respected?

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This type of person thinks he is helping you and he likely expects that not only will you be grateful, you'll willingly follow his excellent advice to the letter as well. The hardest part about people like this is that sometimes, they really DO have good advice and the best of intentions but they're so overbearing and invasive that you find yourself wanting to distance yourself from them AND their advice.



Whatever flaws you may have, it's up to you to deal with them and for someone else to insist that you "get with (their) program)" seldom works well for both parties. From what you say here, I think you could do better in your selection of friends. If you're that deeply flawed, what was he doing hanging out with you in the first place?

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Maybe he is telling you because he cares about you.

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Distance yourself and regroup you will be ok. Detach set boundaries. He will have time to muddle about what hes done, maybe hell even apoligize?

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Life sucks doesn't it?

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Make it look like it's all your fault. I'm sorry it hurts. But do you want to be driven crazy all of the time?

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