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If you've met the person you think is right for you and that you're supposed to be with (assuming you believe in "the one"), but factors beyond your control (like distance, school or work, for example) are keeping you apart or from having a real relationship... Does that make the feelings any less real? Does it mean they aren't actually the right one for you? Does it mean there might be someone just as good who's closer? How do you cope when the perfect person for you just isn't close enough for things to work out and you both have other responsibilities going on?
GuitarGirl19 GuitarGirl19 22-25, F 13 Answers Nov 25, 2012 in Romance & True Love

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It doesn't mean they aren't the one... it just means you must find ways around it. When you find the right person, regardless of the situation, you'll find ways to make it work. Later on it'll pay off greatly when you two can be together.

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I understand that it can take some sacrifice. My problem is that I met him online and thats the only way we were able to be in contact for a while, but we can't have that regularly anymore because of our other responsibilities, and I don't have his number so we can keep in touch that way. I don't know if it would be inappropriate to pay someone to find it somehow, because he did say he still wants to be with me but it just can't work out now.

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Hey... I am in that same position myself... but keep hope alive dear. You should definitely get his number. Don't pay anyone to find that out for you. If he really cares enough (I am sure he does) he will give it to you. After a few months of talking to the guy I am talking with currently (the only guy I am talking to), we exchanged numbers. We are both very lucky... he's currently 10 hours from me, but soon, he'll be just 2 hours maybe a little less from me. ^.^ My whole thing is... despite it seeming impossible, anything is possible, ask him, and go from there.

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I did ask him. But I don't know when he'll be online again to read it and send it. The past few times he's been online had 3-4 weeks in between. But like you said, I'm keeping my hope alive. I just feel bad about complaining now because your guy is 10 hours from you, and mine is about 2 hours away. But when I transfer to a different school in January, it'll be 4 hours.

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Aw... well, hopefully he will see it soon, and you guys will be about to talk more. =D And definitely keep hope alive. And I am just curious, if you guys are only two hours away from one another, why don't you guys just meet up and hang out!? 2 hours is nothing. =)
I mean if you guys talk anytime soon, you should totally suggest that before the commute to one another is 4 hours opposed to the current 2. =)

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Actually, I know he already saw it, but he didn't reply. It was around 2am so he probably fell asleep at his desk. He's done that before. :P Also, before we lost contact for a while, we were in the process of planning time/place to hang out or go on a date, but we never quite got there for some reason. Even though I'm 21 and he's 22, we both still live at home, and my parents especially wouldn't be very open-minded to me meeting up with someone I met online, probably even if I were being safe about it. That's why we couldnt get anything planned. There were a few times he wanted to come up for a day over the weekend but I was just scared I'd get caught somehow and my family wouldn't leave me alone.

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Aw...
Well here's another piece of advice... if he doesn't give you his number within a week, you may need to re-think things. I am no pessimist by any means, but anyone who cares on any level, will always make things like that a priority. I totally understand what you're saying about the whole family thing and meeting a guy who you met online. Don't tell them you met him online, make up a white lie. You're going to hang with friends from school or some **** like that. =)
My family was like that too, but, you're 21. I mean he's going up by you. Seriously, tell them you have a date. He's a guy you met at school. =D

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That was my plan. He has friends who live in the state where I'm transferring to, so I was going to say we met through a mutual friend (the internet can be a mutual friend, if you think about it. haha). I appreciate the advice, but the way I see it, I knew before we lost contact that he was getting busy and can't get online much anymore because he got a new job, and I know how much it bothers him that he can't get on as much as he'd like. Also, I don't have any other guys here that I'm into, so I don't see the harm in just waiting a bit. As long as I get the number, even if it's not immediately, that tells me he cares and wants to keep in touch. I think he's worth the wait if it comes to that being the factor that determines whether we continue.

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4 More Responses

I don't know if there is a "one" for people. I believe that our paths are set and known, but that we have a power to choose to set them in the first place. So there could be many "one"s available. <br />
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Someone I felt connected to in a strong way from the start... yes. That I have felt. This inkling that says, "They will be in your life, and they'll be an important part of it". <br />
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Time can keep you apart, but only as much as you let it. Make sure to be realistic in your expectations of good ol time. There's no distance that can keep apart love. If two people feel like they are perfect for one another, they will find a way to make it work until they can be together. <br />
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We will meet many people who have a shot at being an important part of us- never "settle" for someone you cannot love with your whole heart.

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There's no such thing.

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if something which you cannot control affects your feeling about "the one" you believe you are supposed to be with then these feelings were never real.... and if you really believe in "the one" then how could there be someone as good as hi... HE/SHE IS THE ONE...<br />
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I believe that love is always unconditional you cannot make someone love you by changing yourself or by expecting something in return... If you do so you will never be happy with that person.... This is what you have to thing about and not the things which you cannot control..... as jennamilo has said "it just means you must find ways around it...."... I totally agree with her...

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The uncontrollable factors haven't changed my feelings about him, but the distance and inability for us to communicate online regularly (the way we met) makes it nearly impossible for us to keep in touch because I don't have his number.

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If he is the one for you then all this is worth waiting for.... but if you settle for someone who is not as good as he is for you... You will regret this decision for the rest of your life.....
The real test of a relationship is not in still waters but at the time of a fierce storm....

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Yes, sometimes there are reasons for the separation, to grow for example. If love is true it will always stand the test of time. I believe in "the one" but things have kept us apart. Maybe he is, but maybe he isn't. Someday we will know for sure. :)

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Often times the challenges early on make a stronger relationship long term. It is not about today. It is about tomorrow, a year from now, 10 years from now, 30 years from now.... It seems that that for which a price is paid becomes more precious. There are many breakups down the road from easy relationships. A foundation for a building built on an easy piling of bricks means the building will break and fall one day. A foundation bound with hard cement built over the time with la<x>yering of bricks one row at a time will last a very long time. It is harder, it requires more time, it means doing without until it is ready. But yours from now, what is built on that foundation will last and be of great value. Cherish what you have now. Feed and nourish it and it will grow to fill your life. And, if it is a weed, you will soon find out. But please do not deny it because it is not immediate nor because there are difficulties. Today is not forever. CIrcumstances will change.

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If you are under 25... You haven't met the one. Please<br />
Keep living and come back later.

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I know this blows Iam married and after 15 years I met the one i want to be with and love , but it will never happen love sucks

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