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Doddlin Doddlin 41-45, F 10 Answers Jun 4, 2012

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There are times you have to "let" them discover the wrong path on their own otherwise they never learn from life's experience's. I'd always be there at the end of the path to help guide them afterwards

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Unfortunately, this has happened to my family already. We had to walk away from our eldest daughter and her disasterous decisions that she was making. You can only baill someone out so many times, before you realize that they just do not get it....

It still hurts, an she is still in a ownward spiral, but I can no longer be a prt of her decision making or a prt of her lifestyle anymore. I love her from a distance and pry for her every day.

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Just be there when they need you, that's all you can do, a bit of a no win situation until they grow up and settle down.

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No I would usually give them a good whipping if they were physically violent or ground them for any other misbehavior.

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if they're at the point they wouldn't allow you to "guide them" you may be already too late in trying to "guide them." The fact that you're refering to the child as "it" already says a lot. They're their own person now. If they're under your roof and you still have some control, try best to set rules. If not, then let them be...for not much you can do but to wait until they reach out for your help.

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Just to clarify... When I say "it", I'm referring to the whole situation, not my child. Guiding occurred a great deal growing up and he had a good, stable childhood. Although, I couldn't make up for his lack of a good role model as a father. My mistake for having children with that fool. I tried with all of my might to overcome that, but doesn't appear to have worked out so well. He was a great student (A-B and graduated HS with many college credits). He was an eagle scout, we did all the usual stuff like karate lessons, swimming, family vacations, etc. Since 18 he has been attracted to gangster 'type' young men and has been getting into legal trouble ever since. I told him I'd pay for an expensive attorney one time, and if he chose that lifestyle after the first legal battle, I'd be done with that. After all, it appears he wants that lifestyle if he does it again.. at least in my mind. Well, we managed to save him from jail with this attorney and a month later he went out an shoplifted shoes. I am heartbroken. Don't know what do to next. He states he won't choose different friends cause, "they have no influence on him." and, "they are good people."

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I know that you still loves your child and want to bail him out everytime. But if he's old enough to make decisions to get himself in trouble, he'll have to deal with the consequences. However, you're his mother, so whatever at what time he is faced with "consequences" I think you should listen to your heart. because you don't want to have any regrets as a mother at a later time if certain events in his life could have changed with your involvement or detachment. Hopefully he'll grow out of it without messing up his life too much. But keep hope. I've seen some of my friends that used to be drug dealers, gangsters, drunks in their late teen years change with their conversion to Christianity. I am personally not religious but if it helped them, I guess it was good for them.

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Thanks Sesk4! That is good advice. I guess all I can do now is be the person that "I" can live with. So, I'll try to go with my heart to ensure I can feel good about me. Right now, it's telling me to step back for a bit and let him take the wheel ALL by himself.

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I having staying power, I would keep after my child and try to guide them, no matter what.

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Nope. Never. Nuh uh. Not on my life.

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I'd never.

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