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Same scenario as B4 but the question is what do I SAY to make her see that she is wrong. Instead of just reporting her and risking her dogs getting euthanized and ruining our friendship. This is truly someone that loves her dogs but she seems to think her dogs would break their water bowl and swallow the pieces and kill themselves, and I have offered to buy her quality water bowls and she gets defensive. She seems to have given up on progressing her dogs behavior, and I feel like whatever I say just ****** her off instead of inspiring her. see this question for details in the main question, and my responses to EP users who tried to help me come up with what to do: EP Link And thank you Cholin28 and lostinchicago for your helpful thoughts and responses thus far. Thank you for taking the same to really ponder over this.
BiForce BiForce 26-30 11 Answers Dec 1, 2012 in Pets

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I cannot think of a way to talk with her. The dogs are in danger so you have a choice, save the animals by reporting the abuse or watch them die, really simple, you know what to do.

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"Listen, I understand that you are worried about your dogs' safety and you don't want them to chew their bowls and hurt themselves. But I'm pretty concerned about the safety of their health from not having water for long periods of time. It can cause dehydration and kidney issues. I would like to buy you some quality stainless steel water bowls so that both you, me, and the dogs can reach a happy ending. You're my friend and I want to do that for you."



If she still doesn't comply, do what's right and call the authorities. Keeping a dog away from water for a long time over and over will have harmful effects on the animals' health, and you wouldn't want to condone that.

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THANK YOU! That sounds like a great way to respond to her! Thank you so much for coming up with the words I am struggling to find myself. You are awesome.

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I hope it helps. :)

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I just messaged her, and I will see how things go. I used your words as well as my own, and I think maybe it will work this time.

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*sigh* nevermind, she took it badly and is mad at me.

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When they came home I would suggest as the dogs lay their all dead maybe a tad bit of water would not have been such a bad idea

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she has been doing this for maybe a year plus, and they are not sick or dead yet, and she actually is one of those people that brings her dogs to the vet somewhat regularly over minor concerns. And if you look through other's answers, she is not the only one that does this.

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trust no one with things you love if you do then you are the fool

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-_- but what do I say to her to make her change her mind? This is something that not just she does, so she doesn't see why she is the wrong person here when she treats them well when she gets home and they have been dealing with this for over a year. And no vet has said anything to her about their health being affected by lack of water, though if they knew, I think they'd also have major issue with it even if the effects aren't obvious. And that's the issue here, is she has been doing it and it doesn't seem to be a problem.

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Easiest thing is probably just to convince her to have someone check on them in the middle of the day. Being left alone for 6 hours would at least be an improvement, especially if they have time to give them a walk. Ask her if there's anyone who'd be willing to do that; if she can't afford to pay them, a friend might do it, maybe someone who can't keep a dog themselves?



She should really get them trained to the point she can leave them out of the crate, but I don't know how you can convince her of that if she's being so stubborn.



A side effect of getting someone to check on them is, if they're a dog-lover themselves, she'll have a second person to tell her she's not treating them right.

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I have suggested a friend come by and check on things or find someone through a doggie walker service. She seemed resistant to this, but I could suggest it again. She doesn't have that many friends, especially nearby, and the ones she does have have babies, and can't go over to her house everyday. She also is fairly poor, and can't afford to pay for it, which to me shows she shouldn't have the dogs in the first place if she can't work these things out, but she's not a horrible person. One good thing is her brother may move to her area, and I'm sure all of them together could do better if they wanted to help each other out. They also are dog owners.
I have tried to inspire her through my own training stories, but she winds up defensive... guess she knows what I am trying to do, and it ****** her off that I think she's not doing a good job.
I would love to convince her to get someone else involved in their day care, but right now, it may not even be possible with her situation. Maybe in a month or so that will be different if her brother does move nearby.

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Do you know her brother? You could talk to him about it, but if you don't know him yourself it would probably annoy her that you were going behind her back. It's tough to know what to do in a situation like this, it's like telling someone how to raise their kids.

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The closest person I am to is her husband and he is a quiet man who goes along with most things his wife says. Her brother and mother don't like me, but I wonder if I said something if they would have my back and conince her once and for all or run and tell her that I am backstabbing her. And you are totally right. and I think that's why she is so resentful towards me right now. And I really try when I say something to not act like she is a bad person or label her in any way, but she is still upset at me.

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Do you find yourself bringing up this subject every time you talk to her? If so it might be a good idea to give it a rest for a bit, maybe she'd take it in better if you leave it alone.

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I just wrote her an epic email, and I hope it was kind enough to inspire positive change, instead of angering her. I guess we will see. :/

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Give your dogs water or I will climb the fence and do it for you , you are not fit to have dogs you lazy man.

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I live hours away, so how do I encourage HER to change her mind.

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You should just offer to go walk them. Lots of people don't put water in the dog crates because they have no way to get out and pee.

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I don't live nearby. But I know they have been left without water for half a day before, which I don't think any vet would say is okay.

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That's pretty normal for crated animals. Many people leave their dogs in crates the entire time they are at work...and don't leave water. I don't think the dogs like it....but it's pretty common.

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so then you don't think your vet would see a problem with that?

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Depends on the vet I imagine ....

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I wouldn't worry about risking my friendship with such a person. I would end my friendship with any person that would choose to mistreat or otherwise fail to care for an animal. There would be no questions nor any hesitation in doing so.

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It's not so black and white though and that's why I am asking for advice on what to say. Considering she doesn't think she is being abusive, and treats her dogs well when she is home, and adopted them because they are discriminated against breed, and worries about other people being abusive dog owners... how do I get her to see she is wrong in this circumstance?

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Well, if she's that concerned about how animals in general are treated, she should understand that any animal must have access to fresh water. It's that simple. If she can't understand such a simple concept, then I'd question whether she truly has the dogs' best interests in mind.

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Yeah, I understand, and I feel that way too, but I don't know how to get her to come to her senses, since I have seen how many people treat their dogs way worse, and a couple people on here too don't see any issue with not giving their dogs water in their crates. I think it may be fairly common but people don't admit it.

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In some jurisdictions, it's illegal to not allow an animal access to fresh water and food. By placing those dogs in that crate and not putting water in the crate with that dog, it could be considered a form of animal abuse because the dog does not have ready access to the water. That's how I would approach that situation.

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so basically state the facts and then let her think about it?

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Basically, yes. If the dogs were in danger, I personally wouldn't hesitate to drop the friendship and report her in a heartbeat.

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okay, i will check her city laws on the issue and bring them up with her. Thank you, and I understand your willingness to turn your back on someone that behaves like this, but I just feel like she can do better if I can reason with her. And considering her dogs have not gotten visibly sick from this and she's been doing it for awhile, there is no fire under her feet to change.

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