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Will you believe that they've actually forgiven you, or will you think that they're still harboring resentment, therefore, they haven't really forgiven you?
Sesi1990 Sesi1990 22-25, F 10 Answers Nov 25, 2012 in Community

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I would believe them unless they always bring it back up in conversation.

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I would bring something back up in conversation as a way to invoke embarrassment for a good joke.

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I don't do things to my friends that require their forgiveness.

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Really? Well, good for you. That doesn't answer my question, though. For the sake of the question, put yourself in that position.

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k. i won't believe they forgave me. rarely anyone can forgive, despite what people claim.

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Thanks. I appreciate your honest answer.

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Yes, I think it is an honest answer....one can forgive ones actions however, should that action have caused pain/disappointment, the reality is it will never truly be forgotten. In essence, actions have consequences; saying you're sorry doesnt automatically make everything okie dokie.

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I don't believe you can forgive without forgetting. Just say you haven't forgiven, because forgiving and forgetting go hand in hand. You can't recall harm done without feeling resentment, and what the definition of forgiveness? To let go of all resentment towards. Now tell me, why insist on remembering if you've truly forgiven?

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While I understand your point I do not agree....forgetting and forgiveness are two seperate actions/emotions, yes, on occasion they interlock but

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They always interlock. You simply cannot claim you've forgiven if you haven't forgotten. If you think you have, you're just kidding yourself. Why bring it up ever again if you've truly forgiven? The answer to that question is simple, to avenge what has been done to you or to hold it against the other person. It is better to say you haven't forgiven at all than to say you've forgiven but haven't forgotten, because there is no difference between the two.

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Okay...I had a temporary techinical foul with my smartphone and it failed to complete the rest of my comment...so I will continue it now. The point is; forgetting and forgiving are 2 seperate emotions/actions, yes they interlock but they are NOT compulsorary for each other to exsist. For instance, my father spanked me when I was little, and while I have never forgotten the moment/experience, I do forgive him for I do understand his reasoning for doing it.
And while it would be a wonderful thing to forgive and therefore automatically forget, our minds are much more complicated than that!. Now, that being said, someone who says they have forgiven yet continuously mention the situation over and over, yes I agree with you, they cannot say they have forgiven nor forgotten, however, I do believe it is depenadant on the individual and their personal growth/evolution of maturity.

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No I wouldn't believe them. Honestly people don't or can't forgive because they truly cannot forget. Short of a catastrophe and before senility, the mind simply, physically, cannot forget experiences (and any accompanying feelings). Just think about it. How can people forgive if they truly cannot forget?

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I agree that we cannot claim you've forgiven if you haven't forgotten, but if you're still constantly, purposely bringing up the wrong done towards you by someone, then you haven't truly forgiven them.

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I agree. If someone really loves you, you will know it. People that keep throwing stuff up in your face are not friends. If you have to keep proving something to them, they are not your friends. If you question if they are a friend, they are not a friend. You can trust your feelings.

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And I maintain that you can't claim you've forgiven, if you haven't forgotten, and it is possible to forget.

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While I understand your point, I do not agree....forgiveness and forgetting are 2 seperate actions/emotions. Yes they can interlock but it is indeed possible to forgive ones actions yet maintain memories of the event. Ie: my dad spanked me, it was painful/ embarassing, but I forgive him yet I have not forgotten having to bend over his lap and being swatted.
To think the human mind is only capable to forgive as along as they also forget is.....well, would be awesome, for life would be much easier but sadly that is not the case.

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I was beaten by my teachers at school, my aunt was nasty to me, my friends betrayed me. Oh, my aunt hit me too, on occasion, but I haven't forgiven them yet, but at least I don't pretend to. I realize that you can't say you've forgiven if you haven't forgotten. Why are you holding on to what your dad did if you have truly forgiven?

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words can be deceiving it depends on his face and hand shake if there is any but because he won't forget it doesn't mean your not forgiven

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I see you are disillusioned. Lol, I'm kidding, but not really. That's just another way of saying I'm using words to let you know what I've done, but I can't bring myself to forgive you.

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Yeah. I'll stop believing them if they are ever not my friend. If you can't seem to believe what they say then you definitely aren't friends to begin with.

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The reason I asked this question was to make people see just how ridiculous forgiving without forgetting is. Does that mean that you believe every single thing your friend tells you?

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Yes. Every single thing that they tell me. If I find it to be not true later I might confront them about it. I'd still believe everything they say after that. Either I'm really gullible or a great friend. haha

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Ah, but you don't stop being friends them, do you? Therefore, your argument is redundant. Wow, then you are truly special. Anyway, most people aren't like you, so more than likely they still remain friends after being lied to. Can you imagine if everyone did that? No one would have any friends.

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The problem with me is once someone is my friend then they aren't ever not my friend. So, I don't see much redundancy in my argument. I guess one can say that I'm slightly confused. 0_o I don't create friendships until I'm certain of a persons character. Then, once someone is my friend, no matter what they say to me, I'm still going to be their friend. It's kind of like I don't really have friends. Rather, all of those that would be considered 'friends' have been upgraded to extended family. You know, the kind you still talk to? That's the kind of friends I like to associate myself with. If I can't consider them my family then I cannot consider them to be my friend. If everyone were a liar then I can see how this would pose a greater problem. However, I'm pretty sure most of my friends aren't pathological liars. And, if they are, I hope that they try their hardest to tell me what truth that they can afford to tell.

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By everyone I don't men literally everyone. It's just a saying. Either way, most people don't think like you. Also, they might not be pathological liars, but most people lie. I hope, for your sake, that you are right about your friends, but I envy you your friends, then.

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:)

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Yes, I would believe them-at least they are trying. Providing forgiveness is not the same as returning trust.

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I wouldn't. Why continue bringing it up if you've truly forgiven?

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Well, you're question didn't indicate that they were doing so. Maybe they're trying and having a hard time with it. Give them credit for trying and do what you can to make it possible. From what you indicated; you acknowledge that you were initially at fault, so if anyone should carry the burden, it is you.

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Then they shouldn't say they've forgiven, they should only say they've forgiven when they actually have, because you can't claim you've forgiven if you haven't forgotten. The two go hand in hand.Deep down you know it. You're just having a hard time convincing yourself that you have been wrong to assume you've forgiven if you're still harboring resentment, and you are, because the fact that you're still bringing it up means that you're still harboring resentment.

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---or deciding in your mind to forgive, and working to resolve the fact in your heart.

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Yes, but until then don't say you've forgiven. Say you're working on forgiving, instead.

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One is the mind & that is where the decision was made, now they are just trying to get the heart to follow-this is on you, don't look to put anymore burden on them.

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What? There is not forgiveness without forgetting-end of story. If you believe otherwise, then you're fooling no one but yourself.

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Ahhh, the innocence of youth. Best of luck to you, Grasshopper!

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Thanks, grasshopper. I will have you know that I'm wise beyond my years.

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