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I love my fiance more than anyone I've ever been with. He means the world to me and we used to be so close, but in the past few months. he lost his job, smokes synthetic drugs' spice' and lies to me about it. Our son is due in march and I want to be with him because I love him and because my childhood was messed up and I went through a lot of parents. He's 20 and I'm about to be 19 in December. He's a good guy even though he is very selfish and admits to being a pathological liar. He keeps telling me that he'll go to rehab, but it doesn't look like he'll go through with it. I don't want answers like "Leave him." I don't have anywhere to go right now. I need to know a way that I can help him because he can't quit on his own and he gets so depressed because he still smokes. I'm pregnant and young and I can't deal with keeping someone else alive, he says he wants to kill himself. All I can think to do is forgive him and tell him that I love him. Its so damn difficult. What would you
smokingourlloveaway smokingourlloveaway 18-21, F 20 Answers Nov 13, 2012 in Struggles

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Call the Maury show or Jerry Springer because this **** needs to be on t.v.

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Spice is a horrible drug. It needs to be brought up on TV, not just this story. It destroys people's lives. People having withdraw are just as bad as people who are having heroin withdraw. I have never seen anything so disturbing in my life. Depression, anger, anxiety. Its awful. Its getting worse, if you google it, I think seven people have died so far. Everytime this stuff gets made illegal, they put a new chemical in it and just sell it again. I think synthetics should be taken off shelves in general.

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Think of the child, and what that child will have to live with.

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I do. I know the baby is the most important person right now.
I'm not trying to be selfish, but I just don't have anywhere to go right now.

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Don't leave him...but find support elsewhere~ he needs help but you need help on your own! be independent because the way i see it...its gonna get worse for you. You and the child need to survive and he should take care of himself more so on his own. find somewhere to go... he can always get better and come back to you.

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More importantly, what's going to happen when this falls apart completely and you have nowhere to go with a baby? My advice is get your sh*t together.

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I really do need to get my **** together.
I live in an area that has a very high level of unemployed people. I've applied everywhere.

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Show him whats up. Tell him to straighten out his life or he wont be seeing his kid. Nothing like a dead beat dad, especially when it comes to incense.

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You can't save him. I know it sounds blunt but you can't. Until a person wants to change for themselves you can offer them the world and they wont take it. You could threaten him, look after him, love him, care for him, leave him...it wont make a difference until he wants to change and do it for himself. <br />
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It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or want to do things right by you, he just needs to be ready and that's not something you can do for him no matter how much you want to help. There are lots of helpline numbers on the web and places who deal with drug users, speak to someone who is used to dealing with substance abuse and weigh up your options.

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I've made mistakes worse than what you're about to do. But in fact that's what this is - A mistake. <br />
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As hard as it may seem, forget about your bf. Help yourself first, or you won't be able to help anyone.

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i dont think he will change anytime soon. so its time for you to think for your child and yourself.

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yes. I know. thanks.

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agreed with GodessFM

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Yeash to or not to be ,it's question.<br />
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You're a good girl and will to help him,he should thank u and love u forever.Don't leave him,for me .<br />
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I knew my boyfriend from a dating site , kisswealthy,it’s not like Tagged ,it’s real ,known as millionaires dating , find serious relationship, such as dating, even get married,and we had dated more than 6 months. <br />
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Our life is very comfortable, cause my boyfriend is very rich.On weekends we will go to the seaside, or go to shopping, drink coffee, watch movies, slightly longer holiday we will go for a drive, or to go abroad.cause he is rich.<br />
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But later ,His business has gone under.<br />
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I had no choice but to accompany with him, encourage him, cheer up, slowly, he found the reasons of his own failure. He began to do other business, gradually, he became a millionaire again. He loves me very much, I also very love him, we feel very good.

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Keep him away from the planet ARRAKIS at all costs!

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Lol what?

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Well, since you won't leave, you probably won't have to worry about your baby for too long since it will probably drown in the bathtub or something while he was supposed to be watching but was too stoned to know what's going on. Then you can both go to jail, and you will have a roof over your head, so no worries.

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Wow thank you for that heartfelt answer.
Complete and utter ignorance...who would say that about a kid, seriously?

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If you don't want an honest reply, don't ask the question.

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she's not entirely wrong, I've read stories in the newspaper similar to what she's describing even in cases where the mother was completely sober at the time when you're in front of a jury who's only known you for less than a few months and have any doubt about your character they're going to be pretty harsh about it.

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Its hard and stresfull..i can relate but gurl even tho we love them we love our children more...hes not gonna stop on his own because he doesnt want to and ignorin makes it worst and they just take advantage either way...and keep doin it. Dont stress over it worry about ure baby and being ure babys momma and not takin care of this guy...trust me its not worth it all u can do is talk to him straight out.

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This isn't going to sound easy but like other people have said here, he needs to start getting his act together and decide where his priorities lie. You need to let him know that these so called friends of his aren't doing him any favors and if it hasn't happened already could get him involved in a lot more trouble than where things are now. <br />
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Even if he's smoking a substance that's currently legal that might not always be the case, even if it's not it can influence him in ways that cause him and his friends to do something stupid enough to land him into serious trouble. Which as you could imagine with prison resources the way they are having to kick a drug habit while in prison would probably be excruciating and he'll be sure to be with people much worse off. Then when he gets out he'll have a harder time looking for work. <br />
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So appeal to the good guy side of him that's still there and remind him that he's part of a family now and as bad as things might look right now, that he has people that love him and need him around and if he doesn't take a good look at the direction he's heading things could be a lot worse.<br />
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Good Luck

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This answer right here is basically word for word what I've tried to do. I agree a million percent with this. I worry about him and I'm not trying to hurt my baby or be irresponsible at all. As I said, I love him and my 'family' history, growing up as a child was chaotic and horrible. I was tossed around a lot and I never new my real parents. I want this baby to know his mom and his dad. That's not selfish. The baby isn't here yet and I'm trying to get my life together, I'm trying to help my fiance get into a rehab program, I'm trying to make this work for the baby's sake. He deserves a family, not just two child parents. I've been sober 7 months, I don't do anything to hurt the baby. I'm not staying here to be selfish, its because I want the baby to grow up knowing his dad. He deserves that. I didn't get a family, so its important to me that he has one.

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No you aren't being selfish, and if I were in your shoes i'd be fighting just as hard to raise my kid in a real family if I went through what you have. At the same time you have to accept that there are some things in life that no matter how much you try are beyond your control.
If there's one thing I believe in is that anybody who says there's no solution is lacking imagination. This situation is definitely a difficult one, and he needs to get the message. I don't know how far back his addiction started or how long you've been pushing this, but if you haven't pressed the message to stop like cold water on his face stop.
I am afraid to say it but you might have to deal with the possibility of having to leave at the very least have a plan ready if push comes to shove.

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If he has a clean driving and clean criminal record he should get a class A CDL and support you and his child as an OTR truck driver. He'll start at $40K working 60 hours a week over the road but they'll pay or reimburse him for the training. At 20 he can only drive intra-state but at 21 he can drive inter-state. With a year of experience he can make up to $35/hour in the North Dakota oil fields hauling water, gravel or oil. He could take you and your baby along, I think, as passengers or you could get a CDL yourself and take turns at the wheel as team drivers and more than double your income. About the drugs? He'll need to stop. Will he without treatment? It might be difficult but if he's got a career goal in mind, that might help motivate him to get into rehab if that's the only way to get off of Synthetic Marijuana. Good luck, Sweetheart!

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That's actually a really good idea. Thanks for that!
He'll be 21 next year, so he might be a ups driver

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Class A UPS drivers can make a really good living. They'll have one route that they drive every day from one city to another and then back again.

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Focus on being a good mother and not on changing a loser.

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yeah, thanks I've been preparing for having a kid.
Why even comment on this when you're laughing at something horrible another ***** said about him letting my kid drown in a tub? I'm not an idiot. I'm new at being a mom, but I don't do anything irresponsible.At all. The baby will have everything he needs.

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Good I hope that child does. You gotta prepare this child for the world and raise he or she to be a contributing member of society.

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Obviously.

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This is going to be the last thing you want to hear, but threaten him. Tell him "I want to have this baby, and if you want to be apart of your son's life, you'll quit."<br />
If he really cares for you, he'll stop. Don't be a pushover. Put your foot down.

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I apologize.. I feel ignorant. He won't be able to stop on the spot, but support him.

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No, its fine. He's the dad, so I won't take his kid away from him. Threatening him with our son would be unfair. He just won't stop. It sucks.

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yea he will if he cares i worked in head shop 3 years i know all about spice and it not as addicting as weed or any the drugs i used i know this to be true if he is an addict like some then it will just switch to something els .....so talk him put foot down explain he can switch to something els like love for his kid that an healthy addiction that will help you both .......I quit cold turkey and on more then 1 addiction so it possible i wish my ex would have spoke to me about it b4 abortion we broke up i hit partying hard then realized needed stop so i cut friends that used and found myself ...you cant quit if keep same friends it to hard hope something i said helps you ....good luck

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is he in army or something spice is only a 5 min high and you test clean that why most people I know even start smoking it caz no THC wont test dirty in army ......if you care for him and wont child with him have it you never no he may just quit being a dad you dont have time for friends aspecially with work if not working like said tell him having a child isnt easy or cheap need to look another job he wont have time for spice and if tries to make happen it wont work ....I can tell you this tho i was manager in glass shop even tho didnt smoke and I know for fact it gunna be outlawed soon anyway so keep head up...keep working wish best of luck

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I think you are very confused. Regardless of the fact of you working in a head shop, you don't have experience with spice unless you've smoked it yourself. I have had many friends who smoke weed. Weed is a 'gateway drug' its arguably not even addicting. I smoked it a long time ago for a while and quit. No big deal. Spice, yes, its way more addicting. Spice is being compared to meth. You should see him come down off it, I've never seen anyone have withdraw from smoking weed. Ever.

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