There is a huge imbalance of power in this situation. It is a double betrayal, as a wife and as a daughter. To cope, you need to become empowered. I don't know which country you are in, but in my country, Australia, there is a group called S.H.E. (Self Help and Empowerment). This group has its own legal counsel and is very helpful indeed. You must get support, emotional and legal, and get right out of this situation.
Sounds like you may have not confirmed this. Something about this just does not sound right.<br />
What are the chances that your husband is gay? Maybe 5%. <br />
What are the chances that your father is gay? Maybe 5%.<br />
What are the chances that you would marry a gay man, and for this gay man to find your father sexually attractive?<br />
Just because your friend is a city counselor, in her 50's, and have grandchildren does not mean she is reliable. For one thing if she disclosed this confidential information to you from first hand knowledge she could lose her job. Unless she knows all the parties in this soap opera, she may be mistaken about the identity of one or more, and even in the act. The other issue is how honorable can she be to disclose confidential information. <br />
Even if it is true, look you are an adult, what happen is beyond your control. Life is full of hardships. How we handle them determines our character. <br />
Have you considered making an exit plan with tentative dates, like where to live, where to work, what to take with you, how to move, when to do each step, and pick a start date?<br />
You may consider seeing a physician for depression and a therapist to help set goals.<br />
For God's sake woman, just don't lie down and waste another day, take action in your life. There are better days ahead if you choose to have them.
See an attorney and find out where you stand. Unfortunately, it sounds like you are going to be facing a divorce. You man was not only unfaithful, but did not level with you about his sexuality and how he handles it....and he cheated with your near relative. Awful. I don't know anyone who could live with that. Get all of your papers together ( marriage license, property records, driver's license numbers, car registration, credit card numbers, membership in clubs, and information about your husband and those who are friends with him, their names and addresses and phone numbers if possible). Often, when women are upset and facing a divorce, they forget to do this and it becomes much harder later....besides, a man who would do this is not to be trusted at all and you do not want him to disappear with all of your worldly goods and money. <br />
Be kind to yourself and get your hair and nails done or go to the beach and just walk or go swimming. Do things that make you feel good....or as good as you can feel at this point.
I guess you need to know if its true first. Then flip right out.
I would get out of this as fast as possible for your own good. I dont think you can ever get beyond this and have a good relationship again with either one of them.
Can your friend prove that?
It's not a court of law. It's whether or not she chooses to believe her friend.
Why did she bother to tell us her friends age? Maybe her friend wants him. Can she trust her friend?
I'm lost here. So your husband is GAY with your Dad....kinda dont get it
OMG that is really bad. I suppose you can sit with them and talk about it. They should be sorry for their actions. Make your husband choose who he wants between you two. Since he's been loyal to date, giving him a second and final chance would seem reasonable. <br />
If he doesn't choose on the spot or "Needs time" then divorce the guy.