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i love him to death , and he loves me too , we want to get married . is it wrong one of my friends broke up with me becuz i love him she says im a **** . i dont care because he isnt a bad person at all he has the most nicest heart ever ! am i wrong PLZ HELP?
toxicdoll toxicdoll 16-17, F 66 Answers Jan 20, 2010

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If you were my 16 year old girl, I'd ******* cut his **** off and slap you straight. Since you're someone else's... Still.. Yes. Wrong.

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Don't be so bloody small minded,16 is perfectly legal grow up and get a life.

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im in same situation, met a girl by accident online, people judge us make it so bloody difficult, why does everyone relate it been sexual, after 18 months we have never even entered a sexual relationship, yes we kiss and hug and just so close and in love, theres no pressure between us one day the time will be right, so stop judging everybody the same

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explain why its wrong

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That's exactly the point, he can't. There isn't a wrong in loving someone just because of an age gap. As the old saying goes, age is only a number. He just thinks that because that is what the majority of people on here think, they are all too narrow minded to see that no matter what your age you can fall in love (obviously it is illegal to get into a sexual relationship if you're under 16.) I believe that loving someone with a large age gap should be classed as a sexual orientation and should be something that people should respect and be proud of!

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I'm not going to give a big, judgmental answer like some have chosen to do. I'm going to acknowledge your personhood and the fact that you have feelings. You obviously have feelings for this person, and right or wrong, he has them for you. It's something you'll have to deal with. For those who said "I'd cut off his ****, bla bla bla," while a very natural protective instinct, is not the way to deal with something like this.



The reason I speak the way I do is that I've been in your shoes. I was 17, about to turn 18, when I got with the guy who was my parents' age. I felt like I was too mature to relate to the boys my age. While I may have been right, I think I was too quick to latch onto this 42 year old man before I'd formed a true sense of self. In hindsight, I think it's more prudent to focus your energies on finding out what your interests are, your strengths and weaknesses of skill, etc. I don't necessarily feel like everyone should pick a career straight out of high school, but I do think it's beneficial for older teens to focus more energy on building up their own self and becoming independent rather than focusing on marriage or relationships before your frontal lobes are even done developing.



Here are my personal feelings on having a relationship with an older man. I speak from experience. Love is wonderful, but you need more than love to maintain a relationship. For me, the breaker was that he was unable to participate in my life fully because he physically had trouble keeping up. He was more tired after a day of work than I was, and just wanted to lie back and watch TV, whereas I wanted to go out, go for walks, go work out, go have a life essentially. He very much wanted to marry me, and for a time I thought I wanted to marry him, but thinking back I know I would have been giving up my entire life if I did that. I would not be as happy and fulfilled as I am today. I'd probably not have been able to go to school or do anything for myself. Also, I realize too just what his faults were, in hindsight, and that he chose to date much younger women because of his insecurities, not because I was somehow so mature that he felt we were on the same level. I'm pretty sure we would have divorced had I gone through with marrying him (or anyone at that age). I'm glad our relationship didn't work out, because then I wouldn't be who I am today!



I'm not saying it's inherently wrong, but I'm saying don't sell yourself short. You may think he's everything you want and more NOW, but you haven't had a chance to really learn what you truly want out of your life. I urge you to think hard about continuing this relationship. Ultimately it's up to you, but think deeply about what I say as a person who was in a similar relationship. I'm in a loving relationship now (have been for 7 years) with a much more compatible partner, having spent some of my late teens and 20's being single. I highly recommend that you try it.

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What a wonderfully thought out and respectful answer. Kudos to you.

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No sweetheart, you are not wrong, but you are very unwise. You are 16. He is 40. Everything is wonderful. In twenty years, you will be 36. He will be 60 and od-ing on Viagra. Everything will not be wonderful. I recomend that you stay within 10 years of your age if you want to try for long range happiness.

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yes she is wrong, and dont call someone young enough to be your daughter sweetheart yuk
you remind me of when michael jackson was alive, with little boys and was charged remember

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He does not love you, he lusts for a nubile nymphette. Think about this, what could a 40 year old man possibly have in common with a 16 year old girl. If he really does have anything in common with you, he is immature and damaged and not a decent prospect. Chances are, he has you thinking that he wants to marry you, has convinced you that he has some things in common with you, fed into insecurities of yours to make you think that he is some kind of great and wonderful guy, reality is, he's a *********. I know, 16 feels very grown up when you're there, but it really is not.

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yes this is bad you are a child and he dirty old man and i would call this grooming you will find he will be called a pervert, go back to school and college and think of having friends and a career you are far to young to have a relationship with a 40 year old man.

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Its kind of odd. I have had some relationships with big age gaps but nothing that huge and under 18 is illegal in most places! If you are somewhere that the age of consent is under 18 its a little odd still in my opinion, but there are different cultures with different customs that might find ours odd as well.



Im guessing you are american though. If so: this is probably not a good idea. Your mind is young and you are probably pretty naive. Its too bad your friend isn't around, rather than continuuing to try to talk you out of this.

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At the age of 17 I met a man who had just turned 40.

He had two children and was married, although him and his wife were separated.

We met up frequently, i was fully aware of his marital status but put it to the back of my mind.

After a few months I was really starting to fall for him and although my friends noticed i was happier they did have to remind me that there was no future for us.

I think it had more to do with the adult male attention i was craving as my father died 2 years before.

But I soon realised as much as he cared for me I felt like i was the one chasing after him.



We are still in contact and I still see him but every time i see him i realise i do still love him but in a different way than before.



But as people have said before- imagine a few years down the line... You'll be wanting to live your life and explore the world whilst he's done all that already.

As hard as it is and trust me its soo much easier said than done I think you need to let this one go.

If he cares for you as much as you care for him then he should realise this himself and know whats best for you.



I am a firm believer that 'age is just a number' but in this case I just don't see it working .



I wish you all the best with your decision.

x

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He isn;t the nicest person... he is a ********* that preys on young girls... Get as far away from him as fast as you can... The call the police and make sure he never does this to anyone else...

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What do your parents think about this? As a mum, I'd be worried if my 16 year old was in a situation like this. I can't think what you and this man would have in common. You haven't been together long enough to know him and marry him. It's easy to be carried away but how do you get on with his friends? Your friends obviously don't like him. If you were 10 years older and he was 50 then ok but you're still a little girl and he sounds creepy.

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In most states he can be arreseted for haveing sec with a minor under the age of 18. I do not know the age of concent is in the state that you live in. I agree with others fine some one your age or wait untill you are 18.

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not getting involved, you've got drama.

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so much for sweet sixteen and never been kissed...

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Judging from your profile picture, if twilight is what you set your standard by, i dont think its really love. Just infatuation, which can sometimes feel like love.





Then again, maybe I'm not one to talk. I'm not that much older than you, and I too am in a similar situation.

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The problem is not with his age but with your age. Age gap marriages can certainly work but you're a bit young to marry anybody at 16.

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My first impulse is to ask... Has the man ever heard of statutory rape laws? He could be in serious trouble. There are no mitigating circumstances allowed in most jurisdictions for this.



You might be old enough to marry him but you would have to have parental permission. You might want to go to Arkansas... you might have an easier time there.



At your age I would be careful about taking such a drastic step. You could change your mind next week... then what are you going to do?

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You think your in LOVE, and maybe you are. But wait to get married, you have years to be together and if your in LOVE like you say what does getting married change now? Wait, take time to grow up, it its really love it wont go away.



If you was my daughter though, I'd be PIssed. He's 40, im sorry but thats abit weird.

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as long as he is not married and have children who are the same as your age because he is od enough to be your father and you cant build a relationship your are building a dissapoitment on your life get out meet boys not men u are young

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There is NOTHING wrong with it, if you both love each other that's all that matter, age is just a number.

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I think you being unrealistic right now, and beleive me if he says he loves you ... he means he's in love with your body ..



Make a choice that now it might sound bad ,but long after you'll find out that it was the best choice you'd ever make !

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I'm in a similar situation. I'm 19 and he's 49. He's the sweetest thing in the world, he has the most gentle heart ever, and he's the most beautiful person. He is simply the best person i have ever met. He's not married, nor has ever been married nor has kids. I'm so in love with him, but at the same time i'm sad because my mother will never accept him if she knew.

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