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I feel terrified about talking to my dom. I'm very new as a sub and I'm always afraid that I'm going to say something that will frustrate him for choosing the "idiot sub" instead of someone experienced with more common sense. Plus, he is very nice but he visibly gets irritated or impatient when he has to tell me the same thing more than once or if it takes many tries for me to understand what he's trying to say. Also, I always feel scared even talking to him because everything I say he always asks for details. I know it's to get to know me, but it's scary if I have to tell him something embarrassing or private because I can't lie about it. For example, if I tell him I feel weird, he will ask why do I feel weird. Then when I tell him why, he'll want to know everything like what thoughts are going through my mind, what I was doing before and after I felt weird, etc. etc. I don't know what to do! I want to please him, and I really like him, and I want him to keep me. What should I do??
RedLilyDream RedLilyDream 22-25, F 12 Answers Aug 4, 2012 in Struggles

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I only let submissives approach me by walking on water, to ensure only the "perfect" ones come. LOL<br />
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Have you ever seen a baby taking its first steps? Now you might watch it fall on its butt and laugh and say How Cute, but you are not going to laugh and say, Stupid Baby can't walk!<br />
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Well, walking is the process of standing up and falling down until you learn. Speaking is the process of saying the wrong things over and over until you learn.<br />
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When you fear mistakes, you limit your ability to learn and be great. Greatness comes to those people too stupid to know better and too stupid to be afraid, they try impossible things and when they fail, they look at any part that got them closer to their goal and they do more of that and the look at things that seemed to stop them, and they do less of that and FOOLISHLY they keep going forward.<br />
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He gets irritated and when he gets better at this he will get less irritated. He's new at driving this submissive and they are much different than a car. His irritation may look like it is directed at you, but the Chinese have a saying, "There are no bad students, only bad teachers." He failed to reach deep enough in your mind in such a way that what he wanted to teach STUCK in your mind and was present when needed.<br />
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Trust me been there done that and if you think I'm going to admit it was MY fault? well maybe now, because I know better, but when I was a domlette, and was sure I was big and bad and most importantly RIGHT, I'd be pissed at you for not reading my mind.<br />
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A lock only opens when the right key is inserted.<br />
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If you take some regular crappy rocks from your yard and put them in a tumbler with water and abrasive, the next day the most beautifully polished stones come out the next day.<br />
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You are in a process. Worry all you want, but I have never seen it actually do anything useful.<br />
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Making lots of mistakes and just Noticing when you make them and being interested at what you did well and what did not work and what you did badly while being detached and interested works the best.

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This made me laugh a little. Very well said. Thank you. I think I just fear the punishment. So far, I haven't really done anything "wrong", so I don't know if when I do something wrong, he'll let me know it's wrong by punishing me, or if he'll just tell me first and give me a chance to get it right. I guess I'm not really trying to find out. lol. I already asked him once, and he was very vague about how he would handle correction so it just left me paranoid. Maybe I should just talk to him about that. Anyway, thanks again for your response. I really appreciate it.

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Glad you laughed. I work at being enlightening lightly.....Punishment?? Not whipping!?!? That is a reward at my house...(*_~)

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i'm new as well and have no advice. Just wanted to wish you best of luck. i hope you soon find happiness to replace your fear.

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If he is a real and expericened Dom it wont take very long to see that you are inexperienced .At that point if he is up to the task he will take the girl and teach her the ways of this lifestyle ....and In a way the questions he is asking sound like he is trying but just dosent have quite enough experience .<br />
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And to be a new sub and be scared is not uncommon , but to be scared of you Dom is not a good sign . <br />
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Talk to others on here , read and ask , ask and ask some more is the only other way to learn <br />
Good luck

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Thanks so much. That makes perfect sense. As one person mentioned, if he didn't like me, he wouldn't have chosen me. He new I was brand new. I think I should just relax a little and stop hyperventilating. I received a lot of good advice on here. I'm going to show it to him and see what he feels I should do. Thanks again.

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*knew

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Grow up.

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SHUTup.

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communication si the MOST important aspect of ANYA relationship- be it casual, work, religious, or sexual. Try talking to your dom. Discuss what's frightening you or causing discomfort. He may not be for you. Don't fool or kid yourself. PIkcing a dom OR a sub isn't as easy as people believe it is. SO WHAT if everybody else does one thing or acts a certain way- it's all about YOU in any relationship. If your dom doesn't understand or want to work with you, then get another one. Any relationship takes time, but if the dom doesn't want to work with you and responds with "you're an idiot and not serious anyway", then screw him. You are NOT everyone else. People can be so myopic sometimes. Continuing in such a manner can have VERY negative or even worse, long term effects on you. Keep me in the loop as to what happens.

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Thanks so much. I really appreciate that answer. You are absolutely right. Sometimes it's easy to forget that I still have feelings that should be respected even being a sub. So far, he answers my questions, but I can still tell when's getting annoyed by them. I will definitely take your advice and talk to him and judge his response and future behavior from there. I'll stay in touch.

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The more you get to know him the easier it will get, if he's treating you well, don't worry about it :o)

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Thank you. :)

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What should you do? Idk, maybe grow a spine?

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Wow. That was helpful. *sarcasm*

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Glad to be of assistance. Now if you had the nerve to stand up for yourself in rl and not just online, you wouldn't have this issue would you?

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Maybe. But you're not my Dom so I don't have to tolerate anything from you, and I don't owe you my respect. Maybe you should stop trolling. I asked for advice, not rudeness. Thanks.

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Ummmm, Cow, if you have a spine towards your Dom you can get in BIG trouble, TRUST me on that one. It can be VERY touchy when talking with them.

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You're an *******.
sweetie sub. if he will allow it ask him if you can WRITE your fears and worries on paper and give them to him. mine does and it makes it WAY easier.
and if you can NOT get over the fear then you as the Sub only have the right to leave and you should use it if you can NOT get comfortable.

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a lot of great answer, a few idiots, but i also think bottom line is to rate how high your fear is and fear of what

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This rating Your Fear, does it have style points?

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D/s lifestyle has a wide range of choices
is her fear the fear of being abuse in such a matter that the guy she is with is playing DOM or is the fear of unknow, was there any set rules, limits. yes, fear level needs to be rated. if this makes any since

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i would not be with him. if he makes u feel that way...... dom or no dom...<br />
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ur gut is talking to you .... men can be nice...... just to run around and be an ***. <br />
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with a dom /man..... a sub /woman needs to feel secure, not afraid.

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I think that there has to be a fear for it to work, I def was afraid when i first submitted. No body wants to screw up and get in trouble, but as the relationship continues you will become more comfortable and learn the ways. I'm still learning, and I'm actually kind of worried about how to tell him that I'm on this site. There has to be a yin and yang in this relationship.

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hmmm sounds like to me ur telling him everything there is to know about who you are.... and he has not

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Knock him stupid with a right hook....OR....you can bow down before him and ask him to please love you and beat you and whip you and hump you and call you trash.<br />
Personally, I would knock him stupid....just sayin~

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Just go with the flow, your in the rabbit hole already

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Thank you. But do you think what I'm doing (as described above) would make him want a different sub?

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No I don't think so...he needs to have patience, it's a journey, not an amusement park ride

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Oh yes the shiny newest model sub..but...they were out of stock...with a bit of tinkering and some judicious whipping, he's going to make you into that.....really for me that is 98.275% of the fun

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Ahaha. Thank you both.

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Do you trust him? If you do it will all fall in place.

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