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Im confused! Need some serious advice!!?

I am currently havin an affair with my ex which is now a married man. For the past 2 yrs. on and off we been seeing each other share not only sex, but he confides in me and tells me everything going on in his life, for the past 16 yrs. ive known him we have always had a special bond. Well the confusing part is that he's very fickle. He makes me feel good at times then on another occassion hes pushes me away. It hurts me because im deeply in love with him, and hes sending me mixed signals. What can I do to test him to see if he loves me and stop taking me for granted? And by doing so, will I lose him?

Posted 1 year ago

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EricS

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Listen to me kiddo: I have no doubt that you to have a special bond. I have no doubt you love him, or that he may love you too. Marriage does not always mean there is not someone else you love more, but... He is not testing you or vice versa. Why do I say that? Because it has been over a decade of this in one incarnation or another!

Does he love you? Ask, see what the hell you guys are doing! What do you want from this? What do you expect? Notice me saying YOU. Some would say he is a dog etc for leading you on and cheating. I will not do that. I will say he is enjoying both of you ladies and it is not cool that you do not know where you stand after 16 years, that make sense to you? And, then, his wife is none the wiser. Not Cool! If you have both had a bond as you say and it has been over 16 years, why is he married to her and not you?

You will not lose him if you or him do not want to lose eachother! I promise! Talk to him, do not make all kinds of demands and timelines. Just see what the deal is, as ADULTS, I think you would agree this type Daytime drama **** can not go on forever. Warning: if you put him to the test as you so put it, you, him and his wife will likely suffer more than needed. If you guys have something, lay the cards down civil like.

p.s. He nor anyone can take YOU for granted. Do not be an emotional slave to us guys, we tend not to be worth it.

Posted 1 year ago

Other 12 Answers to Im confused! Need some serious advice!!?

hllbllygrl	Posted Sep 15th, 2008 at 10:27PM Have you completely lost it? The reason he's seeing you still is because he knows you are comfortable having sex with him. You are easy for him. He knows he can whine a little about what his life is like now, how he wishes sometimes he was still with you, and blah blah freaking blah just so he can get a little on the side. He's scum. I can't believe you would let a man play you like this! He didn't deserve you the first time...don't let him have you again! Rated: +4Vote for this!
greeeneyes	Posted Sep 15th, 2008 at 10:27PM If you really love him, you'd risk it all. But as far as i'm concerned a man who cant give you their all isn't worth your time... Rated: +2Vote for this!
solarxmoon	Posted Sep 15th, 2008 at 10:00PM the fact that he's seeing you, but is still marries IS a mixed signal in itself. He could push you away when he feels bad about the affair... Rated: +2Vote for this!
lyricalongings	Posted Sep 15th, 2008 at 10:28PM He's married, first of all. He obviously does not share your feelings, or he would not be with his wife, he would be with you. I have no idea why you would want to be in a relationship with a guy who undoubtedly puts you second, but you seriously need to figure that out. You really need to think about things & realize that this guy is really not with you. He is with his wife. He is a cheater & you are the other woman in the relationship, not his wife. Also, you seriously need to realize that even if he does ever leave his wife to be with you, he WILL cheat on you. Ppl who cheat are usually serial cheaters, it very rarely happens only once. You will someday end up in her position. Maybe you should think about that too. Rated: +2Vote for this!
dartist	Posted Sep 15th, 2008 at 10:29PM Perhaps you need to ask yourself what it is about you that you would accept this treatment from a man? It really isn't about him at all but about you and how you feel about yourself. Speaking from the viewpoint of one who has been in your shoes, I know that the physical aspect of this feels so good but how do you feel when he leaves you and goes back to his wife? Pretty sad I imagine. He gives you mixed signals because you allow it. I would imagine that you are a caretaker and feel some need to be a comforter to this man but where is your comforter? Have you considered counseling for yourself? A competent therapist would help you break this tie to a man who does not deserve you. You deserve so much better from a man but you have to be the one to realize this. I do not judge you as it is natural to want love and companionship. What you are getting from your lover is not true love and he is in no position to be your true companion. I hope that this helps you in some way. Rated: +2Vote for this!
LowBottom	Posted Sep 15th, 2008 at 9:05PM sounds like a situation I was in. He will continue to take as long as you give. He is married and has responsibilty and comittment there. He will push you away when he cannot safely fulfill your needs. To me it seems like you love him but he just uses you to keep you around and hanging on. I would think he is worth losing because it could free you up for something so much better if you might be able to open your eyes to see something else. Good luck! Rated: +1Vote for this!
StudentofUnifying Life	Posted Feb 5th, 2009 at 5:58PM When I've been approached by men that are "taken," I've always turned them down. If a man is ALREADY cheating by getting involved with me, why would he suddenly become faithful? Rated: +1Vote for this!
angelz1976	Posted Sep 15th, 2008 at 11:37PM If you tell him its done...and he says OK...then you have all the answers you need. If he really does want more...he will fight for you. You may lose him but...You might find him...On a personal note though... I've been in roughly the same situation, though he kept ******* me around and I was the married one...I believed him when he said I meant more and I was hoping for a future...where I could leave where I am and spent forever with him. Each time he would reel me in and crush me as he said I'm done. I do honestly feel that it was his way of making sure he still had me...That all he had to do was snap and I would come back. I've finally broken that chain, but it was very hard to do. I know what its like though to be confused...and I do wish you the best. I would say though, if he hasn't committed fully to you yet...he probably isn't going to. Save yourself future heartache and be the one to let him go...It will be the best thing you will ever do for yourself...and trust me, someone will come along and show you the truth of what you deserve and it will be like a light switch is turned on and you'll see, without doubt, that he was only giving you the crumbs. Rated: +1Vote for this!
eromreven	Posted Feb 5th, 2009 at 5:58PM I don't think he's sending you mixed signals at all. Has he left his wife for you? No? That's a very clear signal. Rated: +1Vote for this!
terror29	Posted Feb 5th, 2009 at 5:58PM He is playing you and his wife for the fool. Don't accept the part. Rated: +1Vote for this!
jerrica	Posted Feb 5th, 2009 at 5:58PM he's married to someone else, so do u really "have" him? i've been in your situation. the man was with someone else, yet used me for sex, a sounding board etc. also made me feel good but pushed me away when he didn't need me. i finally faced the fact that he just wanted to have his cake and eat it too, he didn't give a **** about me or my wants and needs at all. for your own sake, wake up and see the situation for what it really is. after knowing him for so long, it won't be easy but you'll be better off. Rated: +1Vote for this!
silentvoices	Posted Feb 5th, 2009 at 5:58PM Helo.... Frist of all this is not love .. u know what i mean , so u should keep urself away from that person.. and u told that he is married too.. so u r nothing that person spoiling two people life in same time.. his wife and u .. he is confused about u two.. so in my opinion it is best for u that u should keep away from that person and love those people who love u not with whom u r in love.. and sorry i think he is using u .. .. there is nothing like love in u.. ... love is some thing else.. pure and holy.. in which people did not lie each other did not hide any thing from each other and respect each othere and feelings... so .. love ur self.. only.. .. God bless u .. Regards Rated: +1Vote for this!

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