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relisa1981 relisa1981 26-30, F 6 Answers Aug 10, 2011

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You cannot control feelings. But you can decide whether to act on them or not. Your level of control should be over your actions, not over your feelings. Only children act on feelings automatically.

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Lulz ADULTERER hahahahaha

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I’m no expert, of course but, do you have a stable marriage? I had an issue with my husband 2 years before we got married, where I had feeling towards a male co-worker and found solace in him. I was unhappy with many things in my relationship, so I acted on those hurt feeling instead of working them out with my husband. Nothing too serious happened, but our relationship problems were the root of the issue and my newfound feelings.<br />
Maybe this woman is someone you can easily confide in and someone you feel comfortable around, so it makes you wonder what other feelings you could comfortably have towards her. If this is the issue, and by chance your marriage is already in trouble then your best bet is to be open and honest with your husband. I was with mine, about everything, and we were able to trust each other more, put it all behind us, and really work out our problems. If you fear being this honest with your husband, it’s important that you still try to get your feelings out, because no matter which route you take, you need to be honest; it might be hard at first, and you may feel horrible, but it’s the only key to working things out. If your marriage is fine, and you just have these feelings towards this woman, see if they are similar to the feelings you once had towards your husband. If they are similar, it's obvious that it is more than just a physical attraction. <br />
Somewhere in your heart you may feel this person is best for you, and if that is true, and a month from now, or 5 months from now, you may need to make a tough decision on whether you want to continue to stay married or not. It’s not fair to your husband to lead him on, because no one would want that...and I believe you already know this. You also need to know if she feels the same way. To avoid rejection on a friendship level, go with your gut. Being able to tell is not rocket science. And maybe with knowing whether or not the feeling is mutual, you will be able to sort out your issues easier.<br />
All in all, you will be able to get through this. As long as you try and be honest, in the end whatever you choose is for you, not anyone else. If you love your husband, you’ll be able to make your marriage work, or end it to avoid hurting him. In closing I’d like to tell you that the feelings you are having are normal, and sometimes issues at home can stem into people having certain feelings like these. You’re not alone. I hope this helps.

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I have been married for 9 years, he has been the only person I have ever been with, which complicates my feelings more, I Love my husband he is the father to our 2 beautiful daughters which is another added complication, I don't want to hurt any of them. My daughters are my world I love them more than anything. I have been open with my husband about my feelings toward another woman. He is very hurt by it, he said it would have been easierif it were another man. I have just recently starting pulling all my feelings together and admitting things to myself. But I have had attractions to woman for a long time. Since like 5th grade. I have never thought I would feel this way toward someone like I feel about her. I have had friends that were girls that I could have developed a relationship with but I was never attracted to them. They are just good friends, But with her things are completely different when I look in her eyes (which is hard to do) I feel a really strong connection something is there for both of us I KNOW IT!!! I don't think it is fair to my husband that he doesn't have my all, I feel like someone could love him more than I ever have he hasn't gotten to expirience all of me. and that's not fair when I feel someone else could love him for all his great qualities and loveingness. To add nothing has happened between this girl and I, she does have a GF and she wants to be faithful to her and i completely respect that. There is one more thing she is 21 and I am almost 30 so there is a huge age gap, but we are very similar and have A LOT in common.

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when I say complication about my daughters I mean I don't want to hurt or confuse them. just in case any smartass decides to jump down my throat!!

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I get everything that you're saying, and I understand. My experience was with another guy, like I had mentioned, but it was just as confusing and just a hurtful. It means a lot that you do in fact love your husband; most people in situations like this would forget all about their significant other, and just go with the flow of things..and that's obviously not the way to go. You know this, you sound very aware and smart. As of right now this is the only advice I can give you, and it's through my own experience. When I started developing feelings towards this guy, it was an emotion connection at first, and I felt exactly like you in the sense that I knew it was wrong, and that someone could have loved my husband more for all that he was. It was until this guy got with an old fling of his, and started to pull away from me, and it was then that I realized that the feeling for him wasn't the same feeling I had. His was a "summer fling" feeling, and at the time, my feeling was much deeper. When he and I cut all ties between us, I grew closer to my husband, more than ever before..and I soon saw that what I had with this guy was in fact a "summer fling". I had gotten too caught up in the fact that someone else looked at me the way my husband did, but for all the wrong reasons. I too, like you, have never been with anyone else, not even kissed another person; my husband was my first everything. This guy and I only kissed, and I felt like at the time it was the right thing to do, you know to feel the void of never being able to experience guys before my husband...and as sad and horrible as this sounds, sometimes you need bumps like that in the road to make a relationship stronger. And although your story is a little different than mine, the whole attraction thing is very similar. So the only thing I can say to you is that maybe you and your husband need to have a small break. And maybe during that break, you should see if a woman is what you want. I feel like even though that probably sounds crazy, I think that it's either do that, or go to marriage counseling. I mean, it's obvious that you don't want to hurt your husband or your girls, no one ever does. But it is also obvious that you have an attraction towards women. Since 5th grade is a long time, and I know that if you could go back 15 years and have your experience with a girl, you probably would just to get it all out. Your husband knows how you feel, and you have to let him know that even though you may seem selfish in feeling this way, it's just as hard for you to tell him these things, as it's just as hard for him to hear them. And maybe how he rather it be a man that you're attracted to, maybe he is insecure and feels that you're telling him he needs to be feminine for you to love him, even though that's not at all the case. When I talked above about my "summer fling" guy and getting back together with his old flame, my point there was that even though there is an attraction with you and this girl, she still has feelings for her girlfriend, so it's an obvious choice who she's going to pick...her girlfriend. And I know you respect that, and that's good. The "summer fling" guy wasn't going to choose me over his old flame, and I'm glad he didn't because now I realize that I didn't and don't want him. I know all of this is hard to deal with, and having things in common with people sometimes turn into something more than what you intend for...so with what I've told you, maybe you can talk to your husband about a break, or find solace in a marriage counsler. You will eventually know what to do, I promise. Other than that, I hope there aren't too many typos in this message, and I really hope I was able to help. Good luck, and if you want, you can talk to me, or reply back. Take care, relisa1981.

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Love conquers all

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