Luneblanche Luneblanche 31-35 14 Answers Oct 30, 2012 in Dating & Relationships

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give it time - you'll get back there eventually

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Don't worry about men or relationships for now.

You come first. Concentrate on making yourself better.

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All these responses are excellent. Don't worry on being in a relationship, just live your life for you...if you happen to meet someone then so be it. But work on you and what brings you happiness and fullfillment.

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Hello Ms. LuneBlanche,

First off, I felt very sorry for a lady in her 30's to have to tell the cyber world about her pain. Hopefully, you will find solace in the many encouraging answers you will eventually read in this thread.

Your opening sentence explained three experiences that need to be addressed.

On being emotionally scarred:

I read this as you are emotionally screaming in pain for what at least one person (assumed to be male) has done to you. Come to think about it, if you are screaming in pain, then perhaps this is a recurring experience with many men, that has quite possibly happened several times in your still-young life.

I think you do need to allow yourself to experience this emotional pain -- while at the same time, taking note of what experiences brought them on. Usually emotional pain comes at the cost of some type of "loss" -- a "void" in your life. Let yourself think about this: Is it the loss of a loved one? loss of a lover? a spouse? a dear older relative? a dear younger relative? Is it the loss of intimacy, because you were cheated upon? Do you feel "lost" in this world, and you do not know what to do? -- All of the above are very difficult questions to deal with, but I sincerely believe you need to get specifically in touch with those actual FEELINGS that have caused you so much grief.

* * * * * *

On feeling no physical attraction to men any more, but you would like to:

If a man did something to you, then I believe it is your duty to find out exactly WHAT he did, as the one who did something to you.

Now, here's the extremely important part: If a man did something to you, i.e., cheated -- was it because of you? ... -- or -- was it a flaw in HIM? You need to do some very deep soul searching here, because if it was not YOUR fault, then how can you be blamed for it? And how can you beat yourself up for it?

Odds are very in much favor that a man who cheats on a woman is the jerk, and the one at fault -- not the woman he cheated on!!! (This is very important, and needs repeating: A man who cheats on a woman is the jerk, and the one who is at fault -- NOT the woman he cheated on!

The reason I am asking these questions is that I am trying to enable (not make) you to regain some confidence in yourself as a PERSON, as a normally functioning human being. Right now, that might be hard for you to swallow, but it is verrrry true!

Consider this also: If you are not physically attracted to men (at this time), perhaps it is because you are not physically attracted to YOURSELF! Not your fault, mind you, but I think that the beginning of your own mental "repair" is the recognition that you make sure that you are a valuable human being in society!!!

* * * * * * *

I sincerely believe that -- only when a person is secure in herself (in your case) that she will be secure in finding the opposite gender attractive once again.

Enough of my rambling -- running out of characters t

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Hang in there it will either come back or not the same thing happen to me and I just didn't think about after awhile it took awhile to not think about but think about

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Kiss him. :P

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It was a joke

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That's what you tell yourself. You just haven't met the right guy yet.

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start slowly...we don't ALL bite!...I promise...have a few good friends; be cautious!

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