sometimes you will need to take yourself out of a situation and look from the outside in. <br />
it sounds like your mom needs some real help. I would offer assistance if you could persuade her to attend some counselling with you in attendance. if I could afford to help my mom, it would be by creating a home for her where she would feel safe. I'm sorry she has cancer, you must be going through a very hard time. what does your little sister think? what does your mom want?

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You do your duty, if it is not respected that is not your fault, but if you don't do your duty, it is your fault. Forgive and love our mother, pray for her well being.<br />
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The only necessary furniture are a bed, table and chair, be practical and wait to see if what you give is at least being used before you give too much. Also clean functional second hand is not a crime.

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I suggest reading "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie.

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i'm going to see if they have it on amazon or ebay or something

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I really think your mom should seek some counseling to see why she ends up in abusive relationships.<br />
That may be a better gift to her then a piece of furniture. <br />
Im sorry your mom has cancer<br />
I will hold you and her in my prayers.<br />
xo

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The first thing you mentioned was cancer which seems to me you feel obliged to help because of the cancer , which most would .<br />
You need to do what will sit right with you in the future .<br />
I hope she gets better both physically and mentally for everyone's sake .<br />
Good luck .

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talking to them

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Her repeated pattern of finding and staying in abusive relationships is why she has cancer. Cancer is anger at oneself turned inward. You can enable her out of a thousand relationships, but she will ALWAYS choose the same type relationship with the same type of man until SHE wants to stop. You can't want that more than she does. And it looks like you have wanted it more than she does your whole life. You are the typical adult child who continues to hope that "this time" the parent finally sees the problem, and wants to change so you can have the healthy, loving, attentive parent you have wanted, needed, and deserved FOREVER. Everything happens with a universal purpose at the center. The purpose of your position, as the daughter having to be the parent, and as the daughter who feels helpless to do anything to prevent her mother from harming herself, looks to me like it is your challenge to parent YOURSELF in a loving healthy way. Enabling your mother to continue harming herself by bailing her of her own mess is not the best version of yourself to see in the mirror, and you probably know that by the way your gut feels every time you have to deal with this situation. Do for YOU for once. That is your obligation first and foremost.

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just tell me what is wrong with your family i can help you out with that?

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How can your mother suffer with cancer and play the games she is playing with you and others. If she is strong enough to play with a boyfriend and ignore her cancer, then maybe you should too. Maybe she wants to die in the arms of a man instead then with family members. Just ask her and take it from there. Sometimes all we have to do is listen and listen hard.

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she dealt with sexual, mentally, and physical abuse and she needs to get help b/c she is keep repeating the same behavior over &amp; over.

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