So sad that it has come to this for you. In addition to being well-educated, you appear to be multi-talented; bright, witty and street-smart. I suppose it shows that any of us could find ourselves in your situation.<br />
I give you an "A" for creativity with the idea for the full-page ad. Perhaps the publisher can give you a cost-effective weekly rate(?). Wish you all the best.
Using those bikini shots? Good move!
I'm sure she is, but I have no serious concepts for her that she isn't smart enough not to have thought of for herself--I got faith in the Sweeper. ;)
BTW, after reading your business bio story, while you're waiting to find your next endeavor you might try writing some articles on the various things you've done and try to market them--you've done so much you should have viable tips for others to learn from.