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fallenangel5377 fallenangel5377 18-21 23 Answers Aug 18, 2012 in Intimacy

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There are some people on here giving you bad information. Sugarfooties sounds more like Mitt Romney than a Dom. OmegaWizard sounds like a know-it-all who's trying to convince you that he's the Dom of all Doms. Mrssgt seems to have no knowledge on or respect for the scene.<br />
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First off, to answer your question, there is no 'normal' number of subs. All it comes down to is what everyone in the relationship is comfortable with. That's it. Also, when talking about anything BDSM related, the word 'normal' does not apply. That's kind of the whole point :P<br />
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Here's the break down. A D/S relationship is just that: a relationship. There is a certain amount of control that is given to the dom by the sub, which is agreed up at the start of the relationship, and can be renegotiated as all parties see fit. The dom takes the control that the sub gives them, and no more. In return, it is the dom's responsibility to make sure the sub's needs are met. The absolute rock-bottom foundation is trust and respect. As anyone who's ever been in any kind of healthy relationship before knows, trust is only attainable through completely open and completely honest communication. So it's good that your dom has had the conversation with you and didn't just bring home a new sub and expect you to be ok with it. <br />
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As a dom I like to see my subs sort of as my property, like a showroom quality classic car. I'm borderline obsessive about taking the best possible care of it, show it off every chance I get, and am only willing to lend it out to someone who I trust 150% will respect it, take care of it, and return it in better condition than they received it. Personally, I would 'own' as many subs as my garage could fit. <br />
Now even if you are his 'property' as my subs are to me, you DON'T have to do whatever he tells you, you are not his slave. He has a responsibility to you, just as you have a responsibility to him. Respect is a two way street. <br />
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All you have to do is talk it out. If he doesn't respect your opinion or your concerns, I would suggest terminating the relationship. But I would also suggest trying anything and everything that you're not completely comfortable with, as it might be the greatest experience you could ever have hoped for. Try to live outside your comfort zone, that's what got me into the d/s relationship in the first place:)

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Any Dom can choose how many but truthfully I sought a Dom who wasn't interested in extraneous relationships. I work in the medical field and have very little interest in sharing bodily fluids with more than 1 person. A wise person, male or female, would choose monogamy. Trust me, it's a nasty microbial world out there. Condoms are not the answer and I see a lot of herpes people, a lot! It's just not worth being slutty these days.

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I have 1 .... Easy to keep track

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This question should have been brought up before you agreed to wear his collar. It appears that a certain submissive has not been using her head, and a certain Dom has not fulfilled his leadership role in defining the boundaries of the relationship before an agreement for your service to him was reached. You have both placed you in a position that no submissive should ever be in. He is your Dom. He is supposed to bring clarity to life and love, not the confusion that he has wrought. He has not fulfilled his duties to you in this regard, and you have the right to call him on it. Most Dominants would agree that you have every right to leave your Sir over such disgraceful incompetence or trickery, and seek a more forthright and capable Sir to serve.

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I'm confused, what did he do wrong? How did he trick me? I was talking to the other possible girls before I submitted and knew about his intentions

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Thank you for clarifying. From the further explanation that you have given, and understanding that you knew about the other girls before submitting, it appears that all responsibility actually falls on you in this matter. You should have asked and obtained answers for the questions that you are asking here before letting him become your Sir. How is that you are belatedly asking these questions that should have been settled in your heart and mind before becoming his submissive? At this point, I think that you should honestly and forthrightly address these questions to your Sir. He may be angry that you are expressing reservations at this point instead of prior to submitting to him, but it would be best that the matter be settled now for good or ill before another submissive becomes part of the group that is living together.

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He has said before that before taking on a new sub he will ask for my opinion/feelings. They wont be the deciding factor, but he will think about them and decide from there... he wants 2 or 3 total subs but that would be a first for him. He usually only has one, but wants to venture out a little more.

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Hey chill it's supposed to be fun

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"Normal" ? I'm sorry, that struck me as funny---no pun intended.

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Why?

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Because bdsm still falls outside most people's norms (not saying there's anything wrong with it). It seemed funny that even in this realm there is still "normal" and not.

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Haha, don't even think about it anymore, this is my norm. lol

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whatever he says, and if you don't like it, you're free to leave.

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im only free to leave if he releases me...

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that's not reality. those are just the rules you've agreed to play by.

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Good point... Idk if I could just leave him... first, ive moved over 1,000 miles to be with him. and second, I couldnt let him down. I love where I am with him... just curious tho cuz im still learning. This is my first submission

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I don't think there is a "normal" number. Some have two, some have quite a few. If it's not something you're comfortable with, you don't have to be with the guy. There are plenty of Dominating men who are "Dom's" who only want one submissive.

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I don't mind him having other subs at all... i get to play with them just as much haha... I was just curious cuz I've heard of crazy numbers and I've heard just one, so I was just wondering. He's a very lax Dom, he NEVER whips me, and said that he won't. That's not how he punishes, it just takes A LOT of learning.

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He never whips you? You poor thing. Well, good luck to you.

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I get spanked... but that's a treat, not a punishment :D

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too true, too true. lol

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Well it beats a dom wanting to take me on and being married with kids i just cant fathom going there

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There are not set rules, you have to decide if it bothers you are not. If it does you may need a Dom who agrees to only be with you. Are you sun 24/7 or just in bed? There are all kinds of different Dom, Domme and Subs. I was an oral sex sub for a Domme who had 5 total sub males.

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I live with him. Right now he can't have any more cuz we're moving and currently dont have the space. I dont mind him having another couple, was just wondering what other people have experienced.

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In my local community we are very monogmous (with some exceptions) for instance all future Masters/Mistress have to go through a few years of training as a slave from an Experienced Master/Mistress in order to become one.<br />
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So although it's uncommon in my area (again, with some exceptions) it's not unheard of to have 2 or 3. Some Switches will be a Sub to the overall Master, but a Master to the other Subs for instance.

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I'd be more dominant towards the other subs... We've already talked about that one

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When you're a true sub, with a true Dom, you need to always remember that you have no right to question, criticize, talk back to, or defy him. Men lead, women follow. Although many Doms are happy with only one sub, a Dom is entitled to as many subs as he wants. The sub or subs he has when acquiring a new one have absolutely no say in the matter. I'd suggest you do a lot of reading here and elsewhere about this lifestyle. It can be very fulfilling for those suited to it, but not for others. Better to find out before you're too deeply into it. As with everything, it's easier to stay clear of something you're not sure of than it is to extricate yourself afterwards. I wish you all the best.

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We talked about my thoughts and feelings on things before I submitted. That has def helped things, it's my job to keep him happy, so if him having another sub makes him happy so be it.

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dang!!! maybe I should become a Dom........... smiles

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A dom can train multiple subs if he has the time and energy, <br />
do you have any hard and soft rules where you both can go back on to check what you both have agreed to .....and what is out of the question.....<br />
maybe read up a little more if you need clarity...<br />
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it sounds more like a harem than a dom / sub relationship......lol<br />
best wishes<br />
S

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Sometimes it feels like that lol.. but not really cuz I'm the only one that lives with him and his only sub atm. Everyone else is states away. We have a VERY open communication line so we talk a lot, which helps. We go over the rules whenever needed

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so it appears to be agreed on....why do you have concerns the and have to ask about it

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Just wondering... I'm new to this lifestyle amd trying to see what it's like for others... I know what I'm being taught, but what do others do?

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if he is a good dom it could be expected you are being trained as others are......do yourself a favour.....if you are questioning this lifestyle.....read....read...and read more
if you have other questions and you think i can help......contact me privately and i will answer what i can

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He doesnt have any other subs in the near future... I am reading A LOT... but I'm not questioning, I'm just curious

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what is wrong w/ you??

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What do you mean what's wrong with me?

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you are young-- why are you doing this. Get the 50 shades out of your head. Get a REAL boyfriend!!!--You deserve it.

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I have NEVER read 50 shades, don't even know what it's about.

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about you.-a dom.

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Actually, a Dom can be a "real boyfriend". This may strike you as something, but sometimes people actually get into the lifestyle, without reading the most popular books.

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50 Shades isn't about her, don't say that. You don't even know what you're talking about.

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Thank you bsuzanneh :D

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true, about the book.. and a real boyfriend... well, if that is what someone wants... go for it. She just seems a bit young. Is that what you do???

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do you??

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Is what what I do, mrssgt? That question doesn't make any sense. You're welcome, fallenangel5377.

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are you a dom? or sub?

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that is a private matter for ppl as some.....like you tend to judge.....leave the girls alone.....just because you dont see it the way they might see something....it DOES NOT give you ANY right to judge

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I'm not sure why my answer would matter to you, mrssgt. Since you seem to think "something is wrong" with a person in the lifestyle.

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please... everyone on here has an opinion.. does not mean I an judging.if you read what i wrote, i said go for it, if that is what you want.

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thought this was a chat. I f this is the lifestyle she wants great. nothing wrong w/ that. I just think she can do better...especially being young.

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Thats usually for Dom Slave relationships..I dont know of to many Dom's that have more then 1 submissive ,,

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He wants to get 1 or 2 more... for me to have to play with... but he also has a student (haven't figured out the difference yet) and I'm not a fan, she gets too jealous.

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That would take a lot of time to have a gaggle of slaves ...but hey as long as your having fun and everyone is happy ..remember it takes one bad apple to ruin the bunch, I could never share my husband but maybe you have more self confidence ..Good luck to ya sorry I didn't have an answer

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we don't have anything but a Dom/Sub relationship... So I really have no say, I can tell him how I feel, but it's up to him...

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Thats the difference between Submissive and Slave ..A submissive still has an opinion and a quiet say where as a slave is told what to do and has to keep her/his opinion to themselves and accept and decisions made without question..I'm not trying to tell you your wrong in what your role is, but this is how I understood the roles..

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Yea, im not a slave, im VERY much a sub :D

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Well good luck to you...Hope you have fun ☺

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I don't really think there is a set amount that's considered normal. Personally, I would only be comfortable with one, but that's just me.

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As many as he wants.

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as many as he wants if he dont want a relationship

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I believe the number of subs a Dom has is a very good indicator of what kind of Dom he is. I have a daughter (real) and a whole life with dreams and goals, I have one sub my partner, and work had to make sure she has the guidance and attention she needs for everything not just sex. Many Doms are texting and weekend Doms and those are the ones that typically have more subs because it's more about play then actual lifestyle. There are exceptions a pair of subs that are bi and get along well, a bi Dom with one each subs I could see working well as a lifestyle. A general rule is the more subs the more short term any of the relationships tend to be. At some point it should be said that I don't truly believe in polyamorous relationships and swinging is not something I or my sub choose to do. Truth is mine is fantastic and I always feel like I am letting someone drive my Porsche in exchange for a ride in their Pinto. It all boils down to emotions. Do what you are comfortable with so long as the boundaries of trust are maintained.

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In my opinion and experience, one Dom to one sub. This shows the devotion of both the sub and the Dom and can make their experiences more intimate and pleasurable, and there is no need for any form of jealousy or having to reschedule things. <br />
Make or break honey, have fun! :)

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