don't let this stuff get to you...when angry my dad says that i'm like my grandma, which is very hurtful,knowing how much he hates her.
but keep your chin up, and know that they are wrong about you!
there really is a fine line between love and hate..and people do change and it can become hard to love somebody who you used to love before. it sounds sad, but you just have to keep strong and learn from their mistakes too ;)
i do the opposite..i notice all the flaws and don't even want to bother.
We all look in morror and see person looking back. qeution comes up who am I. Will I be like my father or my mother in ther actions or will I be my own person. What person will that be that why we look morror for answer for we may never know. just have to take it day by day
My parents did the same thing, dragging each other's skeletons out and all. They divirced when I was three and the hate never stopped until they were both dead.
Their strategy backfired: I believed them both.
Just a couple of days ago, I told my daughter this: I look a lot like both of my parents, and sometimes when my mither looked at me I could see that I remend her so much of my dad it was sometimes difficult to resist hating me. She was that bitter. And she (my daughter) looks so much like both my wife and I it reminds me of how much we loved each other when we brought her into the world, and never to forget that. My wife and I are on the brink of splitting up, so I wanted her to understand how much we both love her and how she is living proof of the love we once had, and no matter how bitter or angry I am about her mother I will never equate her with my bitterness.
I don't mean to be rude but that's not s good attitude. You stack the deck against youself for self-esteem thinking that way. Couples have children in love. If your parents are stingy about it theyre either forgetting or are too stubborn and bitter to admit it. Don't let their hate poison your sense of identity this way.
no, it just means they're too self-centred to be nice to you
Unfortunately, much as we don't want to be like our parents we pretty much do copy them as they are all we see when very young and they teach us up to about age 5.
Look at it in computer terms. A computer comes with hard coded instructions, right. You can add programs and remove them as you wish. But changing that hard coding is for experts only and that is what changing what you learnt as a child is like. It IS hard coded and so hard to overcome. I still haven't done so at age 61. I know what most of it is but can I change it? Not a chance. It's so automatic I have learn to live with and around those things.
An example? I was taught never to be late, always be early or dead on time. Stressed to me so often I feared being late and still, today I always turn up early at whatever meeting or appointment I have. If it looks like I am going to be late as soon as the alotted time arrives it seems a bell goes off and I start panicking. Yes, docs and shrinks have talked with me about it and I know it doesn' usually matter. But it does to me.
As a manager of 35 people when I held a meeting I gave them the time the meeting was to commence and that's when I started the neeting. If anyone turned up late I told them to go away or just locked the door. I just cannot stand one person holding everyone else up sothey penaise themselves. Others tolerate it and waste everyone's day.
Try understandingwhat it is that makes yu ike them and try working on changing that. Good luck.
I think you got it. You have picked those sorts of things up from your parents. They usually try and give us good messages, or what they believe is good. But they forget we also pick up on their behaviour and absorb that too.
Yeah that late thing I agree with but it can dominate me when it shouldn't. Cannot stop it. There are other things too I just can't overcome but at least I know what they are and where they came from. I know my mother tried to teach me all the etiquette type things from the early part of last century. But most of them have little relevance today. My father, he was a very spiteful man who ran every one down behind their backs. So you knew if you weren't there then you were getting stabbed. And over nothing. He feigned love but really didn't like or know how to deal with any children. He didn't know how to play and was always pushing the education barrow. Which caused me to deliberately do as badly as I could to avoid further study. He turned me against any authority and I still reject what an authority says first and then try to work out what is right.Today I think that was a great result for me because I am opposite to most people who just accept and do what they are told. I go the opposite way every time, thanks to my father's attempts to push me where he wanted me to go.
They are things we must learn about before we can live with them. I don't know if they can be changed as they are so deeply a part of me and you too. all people I suspect.
NO Kid...it means their angry and hurt people, hurt people....there not thinking about how it makes you feel. Your a little of both of them, good and bad. Shake it off,,,Im sorry those words came out of you parents mouths.
This is not stuff you can just "shake off".
need to figure out how...life gets harder than lousy parents...i want the kid to learn how to make it and not dwell on the past OR the pain, cause neither of them will help her build a life she is happy with.
it means you shouldnt listen to your parents when they are fighting
I'm sorry :( that isn't cool at all. In all honesty though, a lot of people take out their anger on the wrong (available) person, which in this case is you. When my parents try this sort of stuff I tell them that I dont want to hear it...if they have a beef with someone else they should go talk to them and leave me out of it. (it is usually between my parents and sister). Because you can generally tell when it is actually about you, and when it is really them -- either way it sucks though and I think you should gently tell them this. It doesnt have to be excessively confrontational ..just tell them how you feel
How does a young child not listen to their parents when they are so young they havge no choice? The damage is done between 0 - 5 years old.
Yes, you just leave. When you're old enough.
yeah...i know what you mean I am the same way. And even as though you are an adult, it still hurts.
absolutely. Sorry I made a mistake up there...it should have said " even though you are". Yup, I think everyone, no matter how calm they appear, have things that upset them. Mine is when people insult my intelligence. It stings very much even though I know I am smart and capable of doing the things they seem to think I can't (in the very least in my field). I try to be humble and I think people see that as a weakness. It sucks, and it gets me everytime.
It means they have issues with each other. lol
No your stuck in the middle.
Well i had parents that didn't want me, but i must say i'm like my mother in a lot of ways and a lot ways i'm nothing like her.
It was back in the 60's and those times where tough,but i'm not happy about it and will never get over it. Well my two sons are doing well.
It's a very good thing.
You're not my daughter are you? lol ... that sounds familiar :(