I have a big problem and I am in so much pain right now. Let me explain. So my boyfriend and I have been together in a long distance relationship for a little over 2 years now. The problem is a year into our relationship he was pulling away/pushing me away from him and I ended up somewhat talking to a coworker. I told him about it so that he can see how bad we were getting because the topic between the coworker and I was sex with each other. My boyfriend was my only sex partner in my life at that point. When i told my guy about what the coworker and I talked about he got extremely angry and broke up with me, I tried to talk it through with him but it was not working at all and at that point he was going out of country so we couldn't even try to talk anymore when he did leave. I broke down etc because I honestly thought we were over. Like 5 days later, I did end up messing around with the coworker and he ended up penetrating me and as soon as it happened I stopped! Like only my boyfriend does this!! I felt so bad. I suppose it occurred because he became the shoulder to cry on. About two days later, my guy surprised me and flew down to where I lived and we made up. The bad part apart this is that I kept it from the one I love, my guy. I pushed what had happened so far in the back of my mind that I didn't remember it as our relationship progressed but from that day I regretted it and promised never to do that again. I forgot the psychological term for this action as I am studied that in school. Two years later and he has joined the military and we broke up because of his infidelity while we were STILL together. He forgot once again that I was his girlfriend and the military friendships he took on with the guys became so important. He felt military school was taking up so much of his time, he barely slept and didn't have time for his self. I felt he just stuck me in whenever he felt he wanted to talk to me. So much was happening. We had an argument one night and we threw words and he said he thought we had broken up and on that very night he had sexual relations with a female (this is what caused us to break up). A month before this he touched a girl inappropriately and called me the very morning after it happened to tell me about it. He told me about him having sex with someone else a week or so after it occurred. During the course of our separation, we talked everyday, I forgave him like i have for other issues but this was a battle because I was cheated on you know and never was before. He knew he wasn't treating me right when we were together and he'd always say he will do better and try to treat me like he did when we first got together. We moved as if we were together still just not officially again. Six months later after what he did, it's like I started remembering what I did and told him about it smh. Now the blame is off of him and on me. I have asked if we can work it out and if he can think us over and he keeps saying "NO, we are over!! There is nothing you can do to fix this". He said females are more forgiving than's natural for them. Now I am the most horrible person ever. I just don't think he is being fair because before we ever went together and was just talking he left me, went with a girl got a kid and I have forgiven him and everything and we then went together. I feel we have been through worse. I swear how he is acting is torture. I will be visiting him in couple weeks because before I told him about my incident we had already planned this trip. Now I feel it will be a miserable reunion. He doesn't talk to me unless I say something to him. I didn't think it would be this bad. I know I would never cheat on him if we were together. We were not together when this happened. He wants me to believe I am a cheater though. I really don't know what to do. He said he knows he wasn't being the greatest of a boyfriend to me so when I reached he was going to try to make me the happiest girl ever but now he doesn't think that's going to happen. Now I think he is talking to someone...i guess like a rebound person since he is so upset about the situation. Please shed some advice. I should just give him some space until I visit him. Thank you...
EmMari EmMari 22-25, F 4 Answers Nov 15, 2012 in Broken Hearts & Betrayal

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Okay... time to move on and learn from this so-called relationship. As "Outspoken" mentioned before me, it was a very toxic situation leading in a downward spiral of guilt, confusion, betrayal, and immaturity. You are young so immaturity is natural for your age but in the future you don't need to continue in the same pattern.

Cut him loose. Learn from what was wrong causing you pain and frustration. Love and respect yourself enough to face the future without a poisonous relationship. Then Live, Love, and Laugh.

Before you move into another relationship, talk to a counselor at church or another mature and trustworthy source (they have free counseling in many churches) and heal spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically. Best of all good things to you.

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Toxic drama addicts! Honey from your little summation of on again off again almost relationship first it appears to me you were not and never did get what you need and want from this relationship. If you were then you would never be even contemplating straying to point sex would be possible. He seems two practice that big old double standard.It is okay for him to be unfaithful but your transgression makes you unfit to be his partner. Who died and made him God? To much of the bad!Not enough of the good! I say run Forrest run! Believe me you have wasted enough time, energy and emotion on a guy that holds himself and his actions above you. The pain will go away and this will be but a bump in the road to the relationships, breakups that are on the way to finding the right partner some where out there in your future.

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Assuming he broke up with you and not vice-versa, take some time to take a hard and honest look at what went wrong.

Give him space while you do this. Drop out of sight, in other words, so he'll wonder where you went. But don't just duck and cover. Really come to grips with where THINGS (not you) got off track. Once you've done that, and some time has gone by, get in touch with him and let him know that, even though it's difficult, you agree with the decision -- that it's for the best. Tell him that you regret your part of that and that you hope the two of you can be friends in the future, just not in a romantic or sexual sense any more.

None of this will be what he is expecting. He'll be expecting you to try to strong-arm him into going back on his decision. Because your actions have completely taken him by surprise, he will start wondering if he misjudged the situation. At that point, he may want to start things up with you again. If that happens, take it slow and take steps to avoid repeating the problems that led to the breakup in the first place.

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Is he rich, insanely endowed, or an absolute sweetheart who takes care of business? If the answer is no, move on and find someone new.

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So is he? I actually posted an answer before I saw there was a whole wall of text posted describing the relationship. To be fair, I did not have time to read all that text, but I take it the only bulge this guy has is the one made by his wallet. Am I right?

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