Divorce is a process, a journey. And like any process and journey, each one is very different from the next.
does he wish to fight over everything down to the kitchen towels? are there kids involved, and is he seeking primary custody? Money... house... cars..... 401k.... all have to be discussed if you have any of that. hope and pray he's a reasonable guy and just wants closure so each of you can move on. and proceed to court only if you know there is no chance of reconciliation.
you said something about adultery -- well that certainly is a cause for divorce, but it doesn't make a divorce any different than the others. a spouse commits adultery, another marriage has one party that is gay, the kids leave home and dad is just done, wife goes through a mid-life crisis and wants something new.... whatever. what i'm trying to say is don't get hung up on the "adultery" thing. you could be divorcing over anything.
As for coping with adultery, well.... there's not much you can do in my opinion. i'm not a psychologist, but i used my ex's profuse adultery as a good lesson for me to not to be naive next time, and i also just had to face the realization that temptations are EVERYWHERE for everyone. if my current spouse were to cheat, i'd have to think about it, and decide calmly if i can forgive or just move on. would she want an open marriage and could i handle that? would she mind if i cheated? could i accept more cheating on her part..... and a thousand more questions surely. however, if and when i'd decided to move on there would not be a protracted fight over anything. it'll cost $2000 in lawyer fees to bicker over a rocking chair! been there and done it, not again. happiness and personal growth is utterly priceless and not worth the bed, car, house, or anything else.
call me hardened, but after doing a 'war of the roses' divorce in the past, i won't ever do a protracted divorce again. it just isn't worth it.
you may be hurting now, and i'd encourage you to focus on healing and growing from the experience so you can be a better person for the next guy! the best of luck!
you're very welcome. and when you're ready to really start healing, get the book "healing when your relationship ends" by bruce fisher. an amazing book for healing! IMPORTANT! --> read one chapter a week and work on that issue, take longer if you need until you move onto the next healing step. don't read the book in a weekend and say, "ok I'm not feeling better". do one step a week. you'll be an 'eagle' in no time!
know you will find a good guy that does not cheat..:) there are some out there!!
I am divorced now, but my wife had an affair with her boss. It took time in me finding Christ and reading and studying on other things in life. We had a daughter in common, so she keeps me going in those hard times. Good luck.
I don't know which one is harder to cope! Before or after divorced ?
We have to move on no matter what in such a manner that nobody gets hurt anymore than it already is!
if this applies to you, go out and have fun, get laid woman, go on enjoy yourself, it doean't matter what your old man thinks, your getting divorsed anyway