Is falling in love really that good

Asked By: ygufty 26-30, M 3 months ago

I've never dated or did anything romantic with a woman, and even worse I'm 30. My therapists have always wanted me to wait until I wasn't depressed, and I've waited. But I wonder if I'm depressed because I've never had any kind of a relationship. I think about it many times a day. You get to a certain age and wonder if there isn't something seriously wrong with yourself as it seems everyone I knew is married and I'm still waiting for when I'll be ready for my first date, I don't even know if I'm capable of loving a woman. I see a woman who is attractive and wonder what it would feel like to get to be near her. I wonder if there is some kind of therapy for this. I went to several therapists and they couldn't set anything up for me to practice talking to women, they said it was too close to prostitution and they could get in trouble for it. Why is it so complicated?

I'm not even that depressed anyway, I just feel bored with life and work, and REALLY nervous around women.

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8 Answers to "Is falling in love really that good"

Posted by BloviatingBuffoon Feb 4th, 2013 at 12:57AM

I think just try to make more friends first...then second step :)

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Reply by ygufty Feb 4th, 2013 at 1:08AM

I have made at least one friend in the past year.
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Posted by BadassQuiat Feb 4th, 2013 at 12:55AM

You can't get the therapist to role play, like pretend to be a girl? I'm 33 and my boyfriend and I have been together a year ad a half. this is my first real relationship too, because of my psych issues. I've had a few dates/boyfriends and what not but never a real relationship. It might be helpful to try and put yourself out there. Don't think about relationships, think about making friends first. find someone you think is attractive and become friends with them. A lot of good relationships start as friendships first.

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Reply by ygufty Feb 4th, 2013 at 1:17AM

I wonder how I could become friends with a girl since they make me so nervous. I have made friends recently though, maybe some of those techniques might work for women too.
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Reply by BadassQuiat Feb 4th, 2013 at 1:19AM

Try to think of them as guys so you can get to know them.
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Posted by rustyfrog Feb 4th, 2013 at 12:55AM

Yeah it's good but it's scary as hell.

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Posted by FattyBumppo Feb 4th, 2013 at 1:29AM

Really that good, not that good... It's not like you can check out a couple of Amazon reviews and then either say "eh, guess I'll pass" or head out and get your very own girlfriend the next day, you know?

That's an experience you have to make for yourself.

What about women makes you so nervous?

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Posted by MaddyMunch Feb 4th, 2013 at 1:02AM

I was skeptical before I first fell in love. I thought that all that sappy crap in the movies was just that - crap. And then I met the most amazing man. We started out as just very good friends, and over time I realized I cared about him a lot more than just as a friend. The exact moment I realized I was in love with him, my mood changed drastically. I felt happier than I could ever remember being before. Every time I think of him, I find myself grinning. I'm practically grinning 24/7.

I am 23, and just last month had my very first kiss. A lot of the friends I had in high school are married and having children by now, so I kinda know how you feel in that regard. It used to bother me a little, but I tried to put it out of my mind and focus on enjoying other things in life.

Love is a surprise. I had pretty much resolved to living my life as a single woman with a handful of cats. And I was happy with coming to terms with that. And then BOOM. Love struck. I think it comes easiest when you aren't looking for it. And it often comes from the most unlikely of places.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just learn to be comfortable with yourself and you'll eventually find someone.

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Reply by ygufty Feb 4th, 2013 at 1:14AM

I can identify with most of your story and I'm happy for you, but I'm a guy, so it won't just happen, I have to go up to a woman and ask her out. It's alot harder than it seems. I hope it's as great for me as it was for you.
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Reply by MaddyMunch Feb 4th, 2013 at 1:25AM

We met at work, and just talked for the longest time. We were just good friends for over a year before anything really happened. Building a relationship with anyone takes time, regardless of gender. In fact, he never really asked me out. He just made the comment one night that he should have kissed me the previous night when he had the chance. And that was it. We later both admitted that we'd had crushes on each other for quite some time, but had never thought anything would come of it. Don't exect too much right away. When you're desperately looking for love, you're most likely going to turn people off. But when you relax and get comfortable just being with yourself, you're a lot more attractive. Take it from someone who's had self-esteem issues her whole life.
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Posted by someonegotmyname Feb 4th, 2013 at 1:01AM

Well, maybe the therapist is afraid of losing a good income, I mean patient. Go volunteer doing something like helping at the humane shelter, or join some kind of social group. You'll have fun, make friends, and then you'll get more comfortable around women. I think that starting out in a group situation will help you a lot, kind of avoid the awkwardness of one on one until you are ready..

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Posted by AnonymousButCandid Feb 4th, 2013 at 12:56AM

As a happily married man, I shall attempt to answer your question with respect and dignity for you:

Well, the answer to your first question is .... Yes, it is really that good.

In order to escape the prostitution angle, you may consider contracting the services of a sexual surrogate -- a medically trained female, who will help you through all of the steps of breaking the ice, talking to women, etc. etc. I am rather surprised that your other therapists have not recommended the services of a surrogate to you. If you do continue to see therapists, I might suggest that you contract psychiatrists rather than psychologists or psychotherapists -- as the first group have received full medical training.

Hope this helps.

AnonymousButCandid

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Reply by ygufty Feb 4th, 2013 at 1:07AM

They have never heard of that kind of therapy until I mentioned it to them. I don't live in a big city.
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Reply by AnonymousButCandid Feb 4th, 2013 at 1:36AM

That type of therapy does certainly exist.
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Posted by pinkjade1 Feb 4th, 2013 at 12:52AM

I would not date you. No offence.

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Reply by ygufty Feb 4th, 2013 at 1:03AM

I shouldn't have said so much
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