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I've never dated or did anything romantic with a woman, and even worse I'm 30. My therapists have always wanted me to wait until I wasn't depressed, and I've waited. But I wonder if I'm depressed because I've never had any kind of a relationship. I think about it many times a day. You get to a certain age and wonder if there isn't something seriously wrong with yourself as it seems everyone I knew is married and I'm still waiting for when I'll be ready for my first date, I don't even know if I'm capable of loving a woman. I see a woman who is attractive and wonder what it would feel like to get to be near her. I wonder if there is some kind of therapy for this. I went to several therapists and they couldn't set anything up for me to practice talking to women, they said it was too close to prostitution and they could get in trouble for it. Why is it so complicated? I'm not even that depressed anyway, I just feel bored with life and work, and REALLY nervous around women.
ygufty ygufty 26-30, M 10 Answers Feb 4, 2013 in Dating & Relationships

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I think just try to make more friends first...then second step :)

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I have made at least one friend in the past year.

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Yeah it's good but it's scary as hell.

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I was skeptical before I first fell in love. I thought that all that sappy crap in the movies was just that - crap. And then I met the most amazing man. We started out as just very good friends, and over time I realized I cared about him a lot more than just as a friend. The exact moment I realized I was in love with him, my mood changed drastically. I felt happier than I could ever remember being before. Every time I think of him, I find myself grinning. I'm practically grinning 24/7.



I am 23, and just last month had my very first kiss. A lot of the friends I had in high school are married and having children by now, so I kinda know how you feel in that regard. It used to bother me a little, but I tried to put it out of my mind and focus on enjoying other things in life.



Love is a surprise. I had pretty much resolved to living my life as a single woman with a handful of cats. And I was happy with coming to terms with that. And then BOOM. Love struck. I think it comes easiest when you aren't looking for it. And it often comes from the most unlikely of places.



I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just learn to be comfortable with yourself and you'll eventually find someone.

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I can identify with most of your story and I'm happy for you, but I'm a guy, so it won't just happen, I have to go up to a woman and ask her out. It's alot harder than it seems. I hope it's as great for me as it was for you.

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We met at work, and just talked for the longest time. We were just good friends for over a year before anything really happened. Building a relationship with anyone takes time, regardless of gender. In fact, he never really asked me out. He just made the comment one night that he should have kissed me the previous night when he had the chance. And that was it. We later both admitted that we'd had crushes on each other for quite some time, but had never thought anything would come of it.
Don't exect too much right away. When you're desperately looking for love, you're most likely going to turn people off. But when you relax and get comfortable just being with yourself, you're a lot more attractive. Take it from someone who's had self-esteem issues her whole life.

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That's what's missing, I'm never around any one woman for a long period of time. I work at a music store and sometimes women come in, but then they're gone. Same for everywhere else I go. I need to find out how to be friends with a woman, which is something I've always wanted to do, but have no clue how to do.
Thanks

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You make friends with a woman the same way you make friends with a guy. Strike up a conversation about something you're both interested in. Or talk to women online, like you're doing now. FInd something you're interested in and join a forum. Or keep chatting with EP members. Having something in common makes it really easy to bond with someone. My lover and I bonded over our mutual love of history and our interest in the JFK assassination, among other things.

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Well, maybe the therapist is afraid of losing a good income, I mean patient. Go volunteer doing something like helping at the humane shelter, or join some kind of social group. You'll have fun, make friends, and then you'll get more comfortable around women. I think that starting out in a group situation will help you a lot, kind of avoid the awkwardness of one on one until you are ready..

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As a happily married man, I shall attempt to answer your question with respect and dignity for you:



Well, the answer to your first question is .... Yes, it is really that good.



In order to escape the prostitution angle, you may consider contracting the services of a sexual surrogate -- a medically trained female, who will help you through all of the steps of breaking the ice, talking to women, etc. etc. I am rather surprised that your other therapists have not recommended the services of a surrogate to you. If you do continue to see therapists, I might suggest that you contract psychiatrists rather than psychologists or psychotherapists -- as the first group have received full medical training.



Hope this helps.



AnonymousButCandid

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They have never heard of that kind of therapy until I mentioned it to them. I don't live in a big city.

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That type of therapy does certainly exist.

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I would not date you. No offence.

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I shouldn't have said so much

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