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I know that it takes a lot of time and effort and sacrifice to raise a child, and that can make it look like a selfless decision. BUT There is a risk that your kid might be utterly miserable. Ex: They may be born with the most painful and medically puzzling condition. It is a low probability, but would you take ANY gamble when it comes to your child's wellbeing? A more common situation is that your child may suffer with lifelong depression. One in six people in the US gets depression in their lifetime. How do you know your kid won't be this one out of six? Isn't bringing a child into an imperfect world (where they WILL suffer, possibly a lot) without their consent a selfish act? What do you think?
Elaria Elaria 26-30, F 20 Answers Nov 30, 2012 in Parenting & Family

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selfish if you are using the child

selfless if you are genuinely planning to love and care for the child

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Your answer got most likes, so I chose it as best answer even though it doesn't reflect my opinion :) Thanks for your comment.

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I see it as selfish. If I'd done it, it would have been about me, not my potential offspring.

My mom had me for selfish reasons too.

She was told getting married and having kids would make her happy. She picked a loser husband. She wasn't happy. She took that out on me.

...At least I'm not taking my bad decisions out on anybody.

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I have long thought that having a biological child is a selfish decision. The world is overpopulated and running out of resources. Many, many children already exist who desperately need parents, but do not have them. And, as you pointed out, a child can be born with and/or into a huge number of problems. People have kids to make themselves feel better. It gives them someone to love, and someone to love them, and makes them feel like their lives have value. It's entirely about how the parents feel.

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I agree with you.

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Life isn't just about suffering. Life isn't just about pain. Between all those lows and valleys are peaks and highs that make a life lived worthwhile. Do you really want to keep a soul from experiencing those highs because they may face some lows?!? What gives you the right to decide whether they get to experience life or not? You don't know that your child will be the one with debilitating depression. You don't know that your child is more than capable of overcoming that depression.

Maybe you don't want to give anything up in your life to dedicate time to raising kid(s). But that's about you. You're not being selfless by keeping people from living; you're being selfish.

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...All life is suffering...

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Without suffering you cannot know what it means to be happy, or enjoy life. Without pain you cannot know what it means to feel good; to know pleasure.

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No need to assume that I don't want to give up something in my life to raise a kid. I will adopt children in due time. It is not about that. Bringing a new child into the world is where the issue lies.
Everyone assumes the debilitating physical condition is so rare it can't happen to their child. It just happened to my friend's kid and she was torn to pieces. For a a few weeks, her child was screaming in pain and no one could diagnose the kid. Things worked out at the end, but why did this creature have to go through any of it?

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Trust me when I say that child will never remember the pain he/she experienced so early in life. If anything, I'm am constantly amazed at how many children are not sick or are not born with congenital birth defects. It reminds me always that life is a gift and a miracle. I would never trade any of mine even if they had much hurt to live through. I will always be there for them no matter what.

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Honestly? It's neither. In it's in our nature to want to reproduce, and that's neither selfish nor selfless. I think it depends more on your motivation. But, I don't think bringing a child into the world with their consent is a selfish act and I think people who say that are kinda silly. No offense to them.

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Life is a gamble. (period) Its not selfless or selfish act, its neither. It is what it is.

You create your own settings....

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You sound naive. There's a lot more disadvantages to having a child than mental health issues.

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I don't think the world is a horrible place. And I was born with a painful condition. I'm glad I'm here.

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if you can take care of this child and you love it, it isn't selfish.

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How in the world would that be selfless?

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"Self" is that sweet little life that is gifted into your arms and that will hopefully forever look up to "you"....inho...

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Given the global prevailing variables...

It's a Selfish & irresponsible urge to act upon :(

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Depends

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