Yes. But if you really love him ask him to stop if he does or is trying stay with him.

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I have a great deal of grief do to this question. I found it to be very harmful to ones life to stick it out in these relationships.

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Yes. When somebody drinks too much, you never know what they could do. You can't fix an alcoholic. I live in a town on that's been on the decline for over 2 decades and about 65% of the people seem to only care about going out to drink or drinking in general.<br />
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There's actually literally almost a bar here for every 100 feet and yet even with the small population I'm sure they all get plenty of business.

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not if you can help them without sacrificing everything you've worked for

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They don't want to be helped or saved

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well unfortunately it's tough love. you should probably move on to someone who is going to care =/

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Yes, unless he is holding someone you love hostage or if he knows where your parents/family live. Then you have to be careful.

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He's not really agressive, just lazy and demotivated

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yes, there is no need for someone like that in your life

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But I need the fun that he brings to my life... :(

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Always. You can do bad by yourself, as TLC says in one song.

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Yes.

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What if it isnt just him with the problem its the both of but he atlleast owns up to his

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I have problems, but not that kind of problems

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YES! I think you kind of know the answer to this question already.<br />
Unless you prepared to totally give up your dreams and ambitions to spend your days looking for him and watching out for him.<br />
Unless you don't ever want children as to have kids and give them the unpleasant gift of an alcoholic Father is no joy.<br />
I could go on and please hear my heart, I have compassion on anyone who has an addiction but you not his wife so my advise to you would be to RUN

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yes 100% lol

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YES! Unless without you saying something, and him saying what he thinks you want to hear, admits he has a problem and is willing to get help in detox and then AA meetings, then perhaps you could hang on awhile longer but establish strong consistent boundries to keep a bit of a distance until he is well on recovery.

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I wouldn't advise staying with him.

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Yes, Yes, YES!!!!! They can get very violent when "high". They get rather possessive as well (you're mine and if I can't have you then no one can!). They will even swear they can change (but they never do). Get out while you can!

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Yes...he's on a road to hell..you won't /can't change him.

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What if he's just going through a slump and he's a good guy?

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He's been in that slump for 13 years now

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hmmm well that changes things, but hey, I'm only a month sober but I just go through, went through, short slumps. My mind says if he can't get it together by now, and has tried getting help, then he needs to go his own way to keep from hurting you and whatever your family unit might be any further. My heart says don't cut him loose, at least too far, because it sucks.

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have you discussed w/him why he does this? is he lying to himself about having a problem that's too hard to face? I mean, is he drinking/drugging to escape something? does it run in his family? you dont mind that he does this? or has it never really affected you because he lives far away? if its not affecting you now- it will & he wont be able to invest anything in the relationship because he's rarely "there"

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He knows he's sick. He's not changing, ever, he has said that.

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then yeah, I would leave him now......you're just setting yourself up for a major catastrophe if you stay-- is he asking you to stay? give him the ultimatum that you'll stay if he quits.....dont trust him if he gives you the old "i'll try" line

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as a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, i'd say yes. remain a supportive friend, but he'll never be a good boyfriend until he gets his own issues worked out.

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Thank you so freaking much, I appreciate it coming from someone with the same problem. *hug*

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If you consider alcoholism to mean they drink every day two or three beer, but never really get drunk and occasionally smoke pot, then you may have jumped the gun. If they are drinking themselves to oblivion and using drugs as well that might be a good decision to break up with them. When you act as their source of comfort you are kind of keeping them from hitting rock bottom and dare I say enabling their behavior. If they enter treatment/AA the first thing they will be told is to stay out of relationships for the next year. So, it really could be in their best interest to end the relationship. <br />
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I don't think anyone can know whether something is 100% right 100% of the time, because life isn't black and white and there are large grey areas that exist. Do what you think is right, but make sure you think about your decision and the possible outcomes first :) If you stay, could you risk loosing the respect of your friends, family or yourself? That wouldn't be worth it to stay. Just do what you feel is right, and maybe ask a few friends and perhaps even your partner.<br />
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Good luck with that difficult situation. I wish you the best!

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I'm talking get wasted every day. Pot every day, starting at 6 or 7 pm up until late at night.

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Do you find that behavior acceptable? Or are those deal breakers for you?

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Sounds like a problem, and they need help. The situation is like a weed when you're trying to plant flowers. They will steal all the nutrients...

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Sometimes you need to do what's best for you to be honest. No one knows your situation play by play. Although, MAYBE the best thing in this situation WASN'T for you to leave. Maybe the best thing you could do was just be there and try to get him off of this down spiraling path. It really comes down to the situation. I give you this point of you because when it comes to guys I am always trying to look for the what ifs. At the same time you can not continue to live your life if he is such a bring down. If you looking to someone for support, then yes, it was the right thing to do. If you are wonderful on your own and you have the strength to support someone else, then think about what I said.

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