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lostlady618 lostlady618 56-60, F 14 Answers Feb 27, 2012

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This is sad to hear about. I have come across a case before, it happened to a dear friend of mine many years back. She completely failed to understand why, though, and in any case he died a few years later.<br />
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It very likely relates to 2 factors: <br />
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1.Familiarity (the girls in the **** would be probably younger, but in any case "different". He has perhaps been making love to you for many years, and possibly in the same manner which leads me on to <br />
2. Variety. I don't mean multiple partners, but sex in a different way. Do you try or suggest something unusual every now and then? Does he have a fantasy that you will not do? Do you talk about your sex life with each other, still?<br />
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PM me if you would like to chat more about this

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Thanks for your thoughtful answer. Coming from a man, I appreciate your insight. Yes, they are all younger than me (who isn't? she said bitterly) and I would like to try "new" things but he is so vanilla. I'm much more open to dirty stuff, but with the aging thing... it's all starting to hurt now that I'm getting older. It requires "effort" and time. He'd just rather do something else I guess.

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I'm afraid that is common enough, even with younger men. It's hard to compete with fantasy.

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True dat. And I am 60 and not a "sexy young Asian" or "dirty grannie", just a normal looking female (actually, I used to think I looked good for my age), but no more. Thanks!

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How about I'm a 46 year-old man married to a woman my age for a long time. She's gained a lot of weight and I tried to respectfully tell her that I wasn't crazy about it. And hey—I keep myself in shape. What's a guy supposed to do if he is not turned on anymore, especially when the woman in the relationship has no interest in keeping up her looks in any way?<br />
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I'd rather avoid the whole subject under these circumstances.<br />
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And BTW, I'm not turned on by twenty-somethings and I'm not overly interested in ****. (I can take it or leave it.)

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I don't think it is normal. However, we all know that men are aroused by sigh more than women so watching **** can have that needed effect on a guy. maybe you can watch together and maybe you surprise him with some variety. men enjoy variety, I don;t mean with different partners but just find a way to spice up the sex life. I'm sixty and horny every day, of course I don't go around with an erection but I am always thinking about sex. There are many wasy to be sexual and to have sex, you just have to find what works for both of you and go for it. Too bad we are not neighbors, I would be happy to assist, maybe when he saw another guy was interested in you he may change his mind.

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he need to see a doctor and have a blood test for low Tee

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YEP ! So don't feel bad. After you have had the same ole piece for the last 20 + years it gets to be a drag. You really have to do something interesting to spice it up.

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No, I do not think it is normal. <br />
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It may be that he has a **** addiction. Or maybe he has erectile dysfunction. Do you know if he masturbates successfully while he watches his ****? It could be that he is having performance problems and he is afraid of failing (not being erect enough to please you or losing his erection during sex or something of that nature) and so he avoids you and plays with his penis while watching ****.<br />
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I don't know what your sex life was like before he began behaving this way. Did you have a satisfying and enjoyable sex life until this happened? I read through the other responses and your replies. You certainly sound to me as a woman with a very open mind about sex, you mentioned your willingness to try new and different things. (Damn, he should be delighted to have an open-minded wife with frisky thoughts... he sounds to me as if he could use some counseling.)<br />
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Other that the things you have probably already thought of such as couples counseling... has he had a thorough physical recently? I'm thinking blood pressure, things like that. And I am still thinking about erectile dysfunction.<br />
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You said you would like to try "new" things and you were open to dirty stuff, so try some on him, seduce him, start working on yourself nude with a vibrator, etc whatever, give him a ******* -- do something sexually outrageous and enticing. Hell, I don't know, but I sure wish you good luck with this. There is no reason for sex to shut down like that. You guys are older than me, but you are still young. My parents are 77 and 80 and Mom tells me they still have an active sex life -- she has hinted that they play around with toys and oral sex as often as traditional intercourse and I think that is wonderful -- so if my Dad is still in the game at 80, your husband should not be retiring from sex at 63 -- He really needs a medical checkup and and a psychological evaluation.<br />
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Good luck!

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Thanks for your comments, I appreciate the thought you put into this. I KNOW he doesn't have ED, cause when we get it on he gets hard from just kissing. I don't know if he masturbates while watching, he told me last year that it didn't even turn him on that much and he doesn't play with himself. At least, that's what he said. I do think he might be afraid of not performing due to aging, but it's never happened yet. Our sex life had been incredible, getting better every time(!) for the last 10 years. Now recently, in spite of hormones, it's starting to hurt me physically. I think that freaks him out and even though I say I can handle it, it's worth the pain (and it IS), he doesn't want to hurt me. So I'm afraid that being honest, which we agreed on when we married, has now come back to bite me. I've told him 100 times that I'm horny and we just need to take it slow, etc etc., but things aren't improving. I should also add that unless he thinks sex is in the very near future, he doesn't do much hugging, cuddling, or kissing other than a good night peck on the cheek. I am just sad and lonely,

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Lube, lube, lube. Use a sex lubricant. Companies that sell toys online sell lubricants, Amazon sells lubricants, pharmacies sell lubricants. (Wikipedia will give you more information under "personal lubricants".) Or ask your ob/gyn I'm pre-menopausal myself and don't have than many signs of it but once in a while I do feel a little dry and I like to put a little Astroglide on a vibrator or massage my husband's erection with it (he doesn't seem to mind that at all LOL). I actually thought I had suggested lubes but looking at my response to your original question, I see I hadn't. Duh.

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hi, maybe youve lost your confidence with women to have with real sex so **** is a quick fix, sort of lazy sex maybe, i hope you find real sex again in a nice relationship

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Yes its normal, I do the same thing, I'd rather watch ****, its less hassle

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You make me sad. I'm afraid that's exactly what he feels.

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Normal? I would say no, but it certainly isn't good....Does he have ED?

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Not at all. He comes from a high libido family so even though he says he's "just getting older" I think it is a lack of interest.

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Sounds "self-defeating"

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