yes it is very wrong to snoop in her room. if she found out she wouldnt trust you again. at least from my experience with my own mother..

i really wouldnt do that though. if you have concerns about your daughter or what she is doing - talk to her! i am not saying act more like a parent then friend because i dont agree with that either. open up to her and she will open up to you.

what exactly is your concern anyway? and how old is she?

Yes. you're in charge of the child's welfare.You are the parent. if. you're concerned about sex then do what's necessary.Kids get in trouble when parents act likebuddies and that's sad.

I think it was. Ask her about her boyfriend and how close they are. And if you want to talk about sex, talk about it. Going through her stuff will only lead her to not trust you, and then she's going to end up lying and hiding everything from you

yes there is nothing i hate more than when my mother starts to snoopp.. my room is my sanctuary.. and thats how its hould stay

i dont think that its okay, without reasonable cause, if you are worried about something, i would deffinatly bring it up with your child, your daughter is going to have boyfriends, and she's going to have sex even if you are breathing down her neck - the best thing to do would be to talk to her about it, open up, tell her its a natural thing and PUT HER ON THE SHOT.


my mom did it for me, its really not that big of a deal (i mean of course depending on the age of your daughter)
i was 16 when my mom put me on the shot, although i approached her and it was one of the hardest things i had to ever do, i asked her if i could go get tested.. it was very difficult because i thought she would be mad, but she was very understanding and now at 18 me and my mom are best friends..

i think its hard when you live with your child/mother to be their friend, especially depending on the age.
me and my mom didn't become so close until about a year ago..

I don't think its okay UNLESS you have pretty solid evidence of something like drug abuse or other things. Even then I would think twice about it. A child raise with mistrust will be a mistrusting adult.

No, it is not wrong. But only when she gives you reason to be concerned. I don't think reading her love notes is appropriate.

Yes it was wrong. The more you snoop the more she pushes you away. If you keep a distance she'll likely be more willing to come to you and share things. Continue to be a parent but do it from afar. Your gonna have to start letting go and hope that you have taught her well.

I'm with retiredfather on this one! Exactly the way I have done with my daughter!

yes. You should be building communication with her so she feels free to talk to you. If you do not have these skills you need to get them. Duana

Retiredfather hit the nail on the head. No, you did the right thing. It's ultimately YOUR room as you are paying the bills. Newsflash to western society, PARENTS have the final say over underage CHILDREN. She must have given you cause to snoop. You can intervene now in regards to her relationship with her boyfriend and guide and disciple her before it's too late.

Of course its wrong! Your child's room is their safe haven. They think everything is safe there because they trust that you won't look at anything that would be important to them. If my mom looked through my room, I'd be horrified. It is definitely not the way to build trust with your daughter and if she finds out, she'll probably rebel against you. To the people saying it is okay, did you think that way when you were a kid? How bad did you want your privacy? Think about that.

I understand you are concerned, any normal parent worries about their child.
However, you have no reason to believe she is doing something wrong or harming herself somehow (ie, drug, alcohol). She is obviously in a loving relationship, which is something all parents should want for their children. Snooping in her room is only going to make you more curious and when she finds out it will destroy your bond of trust with her. You need to trust your daughter, and you need to show her you trust her. The best way to find out what is happening in her life is to let her know you are approachable when she need to talk. Let her know that if she is in trouble or has a problem you won't just become angry, you'll be understanding and comforting. If she feels the need to start hiding things from you, it will never stop, and all you will have is second-hand information you garner through snooping. Trust me on this. When I was perhaps 10 my mother hunted down my diary, read it. I have never trusted her in the same way again. I cannot approach her with problems I have, because her first response is anger and recriminations. Therefore, she eally knows nothing about me becuase I have ceased to volunteer any meaningful information. Don't let this happen with your own daughter. Right now you have a wonderful opportunity to show her you trust her, and to show her you believe she will make good choices. If you show her you don't think she will make good choices, she has no incentive to make them and won't approach you to get your help in making them.
I understand your worry, but you need to change your habit to build and keep a good relationship with your daughter. You love her very much, its wonderful to see. But the snooping will end up causing more problems than it solves for you. Good luck, and I hope you find a resolution that you feel good about.

Snooping only leads to more distrust, in my opinion. If you feel that your daughter is old enough to have a boyfriend, you should respect her enough to talk to her if you feel something is inappropriate. If you are sneaky and snoop, she'll feel as if you dont trust her and will possibly shut down communications with you and she'll find better hiding places. Just talk to her and trust that she'll find a way to make sound decisions.

Wow, a lot of mixed advice here, so let me add to it! I'll just share my personal experience...

My parents read my journal when I was about 14. I had kept one pretty regularly, and laid it all out there. They someone were unconcerned with my amphetamine use and my passages about how I'd like to try other drugs, how I cut myself to feel better, and instead harassed my about the fact that I was having sex. Not even in a "be safe, let's talk about this responsibly" manner, just a "that is wrong and DON'T DO IT ANYMORE" manner. So I never kept a written journal again and learned to hide the fact that I continued to do drugs, have sex, stay out late, hang with questionable characters, etc. etc. I am still afraid to open up to my parents about anything.

I always promised myself that if I ever had a child and snooped, I wouldn't hold anything against them that I found, unless it was life-threatening. After all, I would be the one being unscrupulous.

I would suggest sitting down with your daughter and having an adult conversation about your concerns. Try to keep from accusing and lecturing, listen to what she is saying to you. Don't be a "buddy", you aren't one, you're her mother. Explain to her why you feel the way you do, be as open and honest as possible. Good luck!

I don't think it is necessarily morally wrong, because it is true that you legally own that room and have control over her. However, I would keep in mind that the way you treat her room will greatly affect your relationship. I consider myself an adult, but I spent last summer living at home because I trust my parents and enjoy spending time with my family.

What I think parents who say things like "I pay the mortgage on this house. I have the right to go through your room!" don't realize is that they are pushing their children away. If my parents had that attitude I probably wouldn't have lived at home last summer because I wouldn't have felt safe in my own room. If those parents don't care if their children don't visit home when they are adults, that's fine. However, it upsets me when people say this and then wonder why their children are never home.

So, sorry for the unnecessary anger, this issue just makes me angry because I hear people talk about it a lot. I think you should consider what type of relationship you want with her. Do you want trust? Do you want to be her friend? Do you want to set up clear rules, but not invade her space? I don't believe there is right or wrong here, just what direction you want your relationship to go in. Good Luck!

It is never OK to "snoop". Parent-up. Talk to your child (either with other adults who care or with a seasoned psychotherapist) if you do not have good communication with them.
"Snooping" infers lack of trust. Let your child know about your concerns, and let them know that you may periodically go into their room. Try to do this with them present. Remember to regulate your emotions about anything you find. If your child is alive and living in your house, you have every right to keep them safe. You must talk to them from this perspective. And enlist a professional if you need help.

Yes, it's okay to snoop - I think it is even somewhat negligent if you don't snoop. BUT, there is a very fine line here and a way of doing it.

I told my daughter when she was a teenager that I reserved the right to snoop in her room, her car, her life in general IF I thought somethig was amiss. Then, I just observed her behavior and her friends. If something seemed off, I'd go snooping and usually find something. For example, a plan to tell me she was going one place when she was really going somewhere else that I didn't approve of. I'd always confront her and tell her that I had a feeling something was up so I used my right to snoop and found (whatever) and made her talk to me about trust and lies.

You have to realize that you are not going to catch them at everything - and you really don't even want to because that's how they learned. Sometimes I found out what she was going to lie to me and do and I knew she'd learn a hard but harmful lesson so I'd ignore it and let her go through with it - then, she she had problems, I'd talk to her about it. It kept the lines of communication open and we were and still are really good friends (she's 25 now).

Just be honest and upfront about what you will do in the snooping department. A word to the wise - if you snoop and try to find out everything, beleive me, you really will make yourself nuts - you DON'T want to know everything. I used to listen at her door when she was on the phone - hurt me a lot to hear a 13 year old tell her friends what a ***** her mom is..... because I didn't understand that that's just what kids do and she didn't really mean it....it hurt a lot.

Remember - they are just kids/teens - so, be fair and remember yourself as a teen - cut them some slack but use it to teach them how to build trust and communication rather than to develop a war between the two of you.