Don't tell them what to do, they will fight it. If possible, show them proof of why it's a bad decision, in a spirit of concern. Gently suggest an alternate course of action. But they have to make the decision.
Wanderingvine......... I see that this post was two years ago..... if you are still around..... can you tell me how things turned out..... if it's better now?
I am dealing with the same issue.... and rapidly going from overly trying to control the situation and make her hear me and pulling back and letting her go until she is willing to talk. It hurts .... and I feel like every move I make is the wrong one.
I have begged ... I have pleaded... I have tried everything I know to do....... and all I've managed to do it push her away...
I don't have a clue how to balance trying to help her see that the choices she is making today will follow her the rest of her life (she's 21).... and giving her space.
I do appreciate your post and am getting help from the responses........
let them make mistakes
i was a bad child lol
i made alot of mistakes and now i am very very careful!
sometimes the hardest thing to do for a loved one or friend is to step back and let them fall
its a fact of life that you cant wrap a child up in bubblewrap
let them fall flat on their face, and when they realise how much it hurts, they'l be more careful next time or even listen to you!
they will fight you harder if you try and help, because as a kid they think they know everything.
you have to be strong and hold back, as a child that was difficult, i am telling you its the best way.
let them grow.
considering i am a child... im sixteen, but have been in all types of social groups, i think i might be able to help you. first of all though, what is the problem? it doesnt have to be specific. considering though its that age where you finally get to make your own decisions, im sorry, but to directly influence them, you may have to get nosy and dig around. kids and adults have a reason for making decisions. too much stress, relationship problems, over working, peer pressure, or even pressure from you (even though you dont try). if its school/ college see if you can find a tutor for them. often people give up because they dont understand it, and fail. no one likes to fail. if its friends... thats hard. it really depends on the situation. a bad decision to you, will seem like the right answer for them. so you cant just up and say, hey, cut it out. adult teens have the decisions of their lives, and remember, you cant control them. sometimes you have to let them fall down the wrong road, and just make sure you be there when it suddenly ends.
All you can do is lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink!
You can advise him/her, but, everyone has their own journey and must experience their trials and tribulations! Love him/her, support him/her and guide him/her and pray he/she makes the right decision.
stop giving him or her money. That will force your son or daughter to re-evaluate his or her path in a hurry once the funds run out. He or she may stop talking to you for a while, but will probably thank you in the long run.
i will be watching the answers to this closely as my son whos 17 this year is not making good decisions and wont listen to anyone .....he is stuck now with pals that are no good & somehow has lost the good ones ...i think it all started when he was bullied at school and things have never been the same for him since. Hes left school has no job because he wouldnt go to the training scheme. Hes put his name down for college so maybe he will grow up a bit by then and see the way hes behaving. Its such a difficult age.
sometimes you can... just talk clam and try to let them know how you feel.. tll them you love them and only want the best for them... dont talk down to them... try and show loving examples of how there decisions are bad....
and sometimes a child has to learn for themselfs.... good luck.... i have been where you are at...
and just because they get older does not mean you wont have to continue giveing advice...