Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device
I am really tired of being woken up by a knee in my back, a hand on my face, or foot on my leg. I am awakened very easily, I hate it. I just want to sleep at night. But the husband says if I don't sleep in the same bed it means I don't love him (well the don't love him part is true NOW) and that married people sleep in the same bed.
katnipkitkat katnipkitkat 41-45, F 13 Answers Apr 13, 2011

Your Response

Cancel

I think it can save marriages - i like having my own bed. I told a previous partner this and he agree'd. We had a better relationship because of it. You get a good nights sleep, and they can move, snore and fart all they like without being nagged about it. As for not loving him, he must be very insecure to suggest that. For god sake it is just sleeping.<br />
<br />
EDIT: Also I wanted to mention that the first step out the door would be if your husband did not acknowledge this was an issue for you and didnt try to compromise. Otherwise if you keep letting this happen before you know it your marriage will begin to break down as you hate an resent him more. Ask him which he would prefer - separate beds or a divorce later down the track?

Best Answer

I agree. I recently saw on TV some doctors recommending couples have separate beds in some marriages for that very reason.<br /><br />EDIT: When I get my citizenship and actually have some leverage I plan to do that very thing.

Best Answer

Relationships work better when everyone is well-rested. I think this is a cultural expectation that can get in the way of one of our most primal needs: the need to sleep. Next time your husband tells you if you don't sleep in the same bed with him, you must not love him, tell him: If you don't care about my health enough to grant me the ability to have a good night's sleep, then you must not love ME that much. Geeze, you're pretty much unconscious when you're asleep anyway. Just cuddle before and in the morning! :-)

Best Answer

relationships work when the needs of both are being met. Or when there is equality in the compromises. NOT when one party is unbending or isolates and rejects the expressed emotional needs of the other.

Best Answer

Sleep is not an "emotional" need, it's a physical need, something that must be done even if you don't want to when you have to get up at 5am.

Best Answer

I can not sleep soundly or restfully with my boyfriend. I need my sleep at night, not cuddles , i wish he could understand that its nothing personal. its just sleep!

Best Answer

he needs reassurances and emotional acceptance because he loves you. Sometimes people just need to be close. Its not a flaw.

Best Answer

Have you ever even gone through what lack of sleep for a very extended period of time does to a person mentally and physically? That far outweighs any desire for a cuddle.

Best Answer

Your husband is WRONG!!! I know because me and my husband sleep in separate beds in separate rooms. He says my(now it is my, he has not slept in it in so long) room is not dark enough, and he doesn't like sheets he likes to sleep on a plain mattress with no sheets for some reason. At first, I was exactly lik,e your husband saying he doesn't love me, but now I have accepted it. Sometimes doubt creeps in now ant then, but, whatever. I'd rather him sleep in a separate bed than turn into a jerk--he is a really light sleeper and the most minor thing can disturb his sleep, and when he lacks sleep he is NOT a happy camper! My grandparents were married til death do them part, and they slept in separate beds(but in the same room--that won't work for us though, our room/my room is not big enough). She said because he had restless legs--in my marriage, I am the person with restless legs, yet another reason my husband gave. Don't sweat it...these things happen. The way I see it, it is totally his loss. Some people are just not made to share a bed with anyone else and he is one of those people.

Best Answer

Good question and I think if it keeps marriage intact, do it. I was shocked when<br />
I read how many couples sleep in different beds, many in different rooms. As<br />
long as "she" could agree with my number of requested visits, it would be ok assuming there was a "sleep problem" for one or both. I once thought sleep was<br />
much over rated, it is not!

Best Answer

I have to get up at 5:30 for work every morning. The husband is a big slacker and hardly ever gets up at all. I really really NEED my sleep at night.

Best Answer

i'd think it was a resonable request to find an answer to your problem.

Best Answer

As a husband, who is not a jerk, who caters to his wifes needs, and who after one year of marriage had his wife start sleeping on the couch six nights a week using diffetent excuses each night. Im going to say that there are some supremely faulty answers/thoughts here. Perhaps people need different levels of intimacy or have different goals within their marriage along with different needs. It is true that if one side (Husband or wife) has a need that is not being met, then emotional neglect is occuring. When the catering and sacrifices only flow one direction, or when one side does or says anything in order to get their way, you have a severely imbalanced situation. When one side is rejecting intimacy and not even expressing intiate needs then the other side should hire an investigator to follow them because we all have needs, when a wife stops needing intimacy that she needed before, im concerned that what she isnt expressing at home is being expressed soewhere else, with someone else. This is a reasonable fear. Im tired of people expecting husbands to be simpering cowards or to act like chamber servents. When a wife is like that they call the husband bad, when a husband is beat down, they think its payback.. women and men need to both wake up and seek equality. I still stand by my idea that a massive imbalance in intimacy and a lack of physical contact is a funeral announcement for a marriage. But on here there are wives being all cocky saying they will leave because the husband has a need to be near them, how insulting.. i bet you that if it was their husband saying sorry babe but you need to go sleep somewhere else, they would be pissed off at him.. sorry this is a hard topic for me.. when my wife is near she sleeps just fine. I am the light sleeper.. but she sleeps away so much, its destroying my faith in her. And my fear turns inward and hurts. How can someone be near but be so far away. Or say they love you, yet reject you so much.

Best Answer

Doesn't matter now anyway, he killed himself.

Best Answer

How and when do you make love in separate beds??? For me it is she loves the couch and I want to lay with her in our bed. She complains that the bed makes her back hurt. I even asked her to lay with me just for a hour or something then go to the couch if she needs to. That is a horrible thing for some reason. She needs to start on the couch. She makes me feel like I am a bad guy for want my girl to be in the same bed with me.

Best Answer

You are a bad guy if the bed makes her back hurt. BUY A NEW BED!

Best Answer

you sure do hate men, oh did you ever get your citizenship from your anchor husband? You spoke earlier as if that was more important that strengthening your marriage.

Best Answer

I guess you must have missed the blogs or stories I wrote about being verbally abused, having my nose broken, being strangled, and whacked upside the head with a metal cane.

Best Answer

Sleep is sleep and "personal time" is personal time.I to am a light sleeper and have a restless mind,so I to really enjoy getting a good nights sleep,expecially since I work so much. LOL

Best Answer

yeah.. like it

Best Answer

that's the 1st step out the door?!

Best Answer

Related Questions