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This almost 18yr old has done nothing but lie and steal since she was a little girl, and recently lie to the point of getting child protective custody involved, steals her parents personal property, has no respect for her parents few rules and requests, takes no responsibility for anything, will probably never graduate despite the many and various options her parents have struggled to give her, including moving to a new state for better opportunities, and causes nothing but tension and arguments between her parents because of her behavior. She's been in therapy, she wants nothing better for herself and blames everyone else for what's wrong in her life, yet, she has everything she needs and gets most things she wants within reason. One parent says it's time for her to leave when she turns eighteen, the other is torn. Opinions?
JustAFriendlyNinjaKiss JustAFriendlyNinjaKiss 22-25, M 19 Answers Oct 27, 2012 in Parenting & Family

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if she's not your kid, maybe you should stay out of it.

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It's harder than ever for kids to be out on their own at 18 right now, so some support may be needed. But moving out and having to fend for myself sure grew me the hell up. I think support is more important than 'tough love', but you can mix the two to learn life lessons without having someone starve.

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this kid is very "black and white," she wouldn't see how the two could possibly be mixed despite how much the parents could try to mix support and tough love, no therapy, support, and more gentle forms of tough love have worked thus far.

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Give her a definate timeline; not the day she turns 18, but something like for 6 months she can still live at home, while working and on or before the 6 months are up, she'll be moved out and on her own.

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Sounds good in theory, Ginger, and if this kid could abide by timelines then there wouldn't be some of the issues there are in the first place. Give her an inch and she takes a mile. Thanks for considering the question and it will be passed on to the parties involved.

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Maybe an additional idea: A week or so after she moves out, her parents get rid of whatever was hers that she leaves behind.

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ha, like a home to come back to? that was harsh

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I was just sharing my thoughts, Mr. NinjaKiss. But I see your point. Maybe I did type before my brain was able to kick in.

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No, don't take me wrong. I value your opinion, which is why I'm commenting back. Please don't be offended in any way. I was just trying to explain more to you. I thought your brain already was kicked in. It's just a sticky situation in that household and this kid is extremely difficult and I'm not sure what to think about it, as I'm fairly close with them. My last comment was just me being a bit sardonic

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No offense taken. The girl's parents shouldn't tolerate her forever, but if they plan on making her move out, she should be given a few months notice.

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Hey I moved out a month after I turned 18. But I moved back in a year and a half later after I had several bad acid trips. But up to that point ,living on my own was fun !!!

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She sounds like a child that has O.O.D in other words oppositional defiant disorder.<br />
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I've been through hell and back with son and he's only 11 years old.<br />
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I suggest she seeks a Neuropsychologist.<br />
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The behavior will continue without proper help. Yes, its extremely mentally exhausting.

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nope she is legally emancipated and should go out into the world where her attitude will either improve or she will become street person either way it is her choice <br />
all living at home will do is reinforce her destructive behavior<br />
she can always join the military

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Not wrong at all. Some people have to learn the hard way. If she knows so much, let her get out, get a job, and support herself for a while. She'll change her tune.

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The reality is the state says they don't have to keep her around after that. Still, where would she go? some places they won't even rent to a teenager on her own without someone else signing. I would suggest the parents give her time..but if she's that bad what makes you think she'll want to stay longer than she has to? If she's going to continue school, it doesn't make any sense to do anything but move for school.

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I guess. I moved out at 17 for uni, but moved back for a short while when I was 21 and I know if tomorrow I lost my job I could move back no questions asked, no pressure. It just makes me sad that other people don't have those same fail safes. Especially for a young girl who seems to be having so many difficulties. There has to be someway to help her :(

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Probably not. Strange as it seems, several of my friends were kicked out by their parents at 18 and are still good friends with their parents today. It may cause problems immediately, but it may not in the long run. Some of my friends even stated they made their parent's lives hell while they lived at home and then, later in life, understood why their parents did what they did.

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Not enough information here and its biased. Legally its not wrong. Morally is could very well be.

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No, it isn't wrong. The way you do it, I think, is really, really important. Don't do it in anger. Do it with love. Do it gently. Do it with options and support.

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Nope

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i got the boot when i was 18 , i needed it to make me grow up

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Hey somehow my phone skipped half your story. Sorry just read that she has been in therapy. I would try a child psychologist, seriously. I don't know her, but my heart tells me something is wrong. She won't stand a chance on her own if she is lying, stealing, and lacks any respect for others. She will end up in jail. Maybe even worse.

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Has she ever had therapy? There could be a rational explanation for her behavior. Especially considering she has "been like this since she was a little girl... " I would be more concerned than pissed off. Sounds like she needs help and loving support and encouragement. Best of luck.

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