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misunderstood2012 misunderstood2012 26-30, F 20 Answers Sep 1, 2012 in Dating & Relationships

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If he asks, it is good to tell him, but he doesn't need all the little details. It is enough to say, I had a 2 year relationship with (?). It didn't work out, so we split up. Does he need to know how much you loved (?) and how much you missed him. Does he need to hear all about your sex life with (?) No, he does not.

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Well, it's a part of you and he married you for all of you, not just the good parts or the parts you want to present to him. If you can't be absolutely transparent with your husband I'd wonder why you were married. Past relationships are just stories at this point it's not like you are likely to go back with those other guys so it shouldn't be a problem to talk about them. On the other hand he shouldn't be asking the gory details of every relationship either. I wanted to know about my husband's past girlfriends because they are a part of him and his experiences in life. I can actually thank a few of them for improvements they made in him. He was engaged once when he was very young to a very nasty girl (his opinion) and he learned big lessons on how to be in a relationship and what he wanted out of future relationships. It's interesting to know how he became who he is and those past relationships are just one little part of it. So it matters in the whole big picture but he shouldn't want to know intimate details.

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If he asked, you shouldn't lie, but it's not a bad idea to consider his feelings and edit the details accordingly. The fact that he's asking after you're married and not before, sounds like insecurity.

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It seems weird that you could be married to someone and not know about their life.

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Probably, if only because if you lie about them he might run across them in some other way and realize you felt you had to lie.

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Some guys can't handle the truth, especially when it comes to men of the past being up in places of you that he now considers his.



Some guys aren't mature enough to separate the then from now. Real men, even the ones who do listen and don't throw it in your face later or use it as a weapon in arguments........have a hard time accepting some things of the past that may have been done to you,. or that you experienced with those other men.



I'm blessed to have one true man who knows a lot of my past and he's taken it like a man and in the past 27 years together he's never thrown it up to me.

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I think its smart. Guys always say they want to know about girl's past relationships, but in reality they can't handle it. Get all jealous and paranoid and so on. I usually say the following: honey, I had only few partners before you, and they sucked, that's why I'm with you now.

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Clever ! ;)

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For the same reasons yu asked him about his past. Curiosity and so if your paths cross again with a past lover it isn't a problem. Men, like women can get jelous so tell him the general details. No in depth move by move accounts. And if you are both honest with each other about your past it helps with trust and even loyalty with and too each other.

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It's wrong. It's part of you and you are his. Past present and future. I get insight into my partners from such stories. Insights on how they've grown, what they've learned, why certain things may still hurt them. The general feeling and sense that I get is "awww I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you then." Or sometimes with the good stuff "Hey that sounds great, let's do that together!" On the othr hand yu should never ask a man about his past. Just kidding there!

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That's history! If he ask, then spill it out!



I wouldn't have a problem with it!

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Life, relationship and human psychology do not follow mathematical deducible patterns - the decision should be taken only by the individuals involved in that particular pair.

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I would be brief and not go into detail. Just brief.

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Grant me peace is right. Readers digest version just to satisfy his curiosity.

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Men asking about other relationships is liking women asking if this dress makes her butt look fat..

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In general, the past relationships need to be left in the past. Giving a summary report is fine at the appropriate point in your relationship (somewhere between the first date and your wedding day, you have that discussion). Unless you really are, don't ever try to pretend that you are a virgin -- if he finds out 20 years later that you lied about it, it will be a horrid mess, not to mention that if the guy is typical (i.e., he had his share before he met you), he will be able to tell if you are a virgin when you finally do the deed with him -- and the lie will cause him to never trust anything else you say about any subject. On the other hand, if you were a near-**** in college, there's no need to let that info out, either. Your husband has no idea how many different penises you met in person, so just say "I dated several guys while I was in college, and I had sex with a couple of them." He will translate this to a hard number on his own, probably based on how fast he managed to get you between the sheets after he started dating you -- if you gave it up on the second date, he will probably figure you did 20 guys in college; if it took him six months (or he is still waiting), he will probably think you did it with only 2.



Unless your husband asks about a specific guy, NEVER volunteer names. There is no benefit in disclosing such information, and the small world we have today means there is a good chance that he will cross paths with one of your 14 conquests some day. When "Frank" sees you at the airport and stops to say hello, its a lot easier to tell your husband that "Frank" was a guy that was in some of your chemistry classes, rather than having your husband look in his mental Rolodex and see the name "Frank" on the list of your college sex partners (this is especially compounded problem in that you probably knew 20 Franks, and this particular one actually wasn't THE Frank that you did the deed with, but you are now going to have that conversation with the hubby anyway).



Never ever ever tell your husband that you cheated on someone who was supposed to be your steady boyfriend (or ex-husband). While your current guy might understand why you cheated at that point in your past, if a similar set of circumstances happens (road trip with your girls, had a big fight, etc.) in the future, your husband will suspect that you will be cheating on him, too.



Remember, guys do have soft spots. While most things don't bother them, your sexual history is VERY important to a guy who is in love with you (not to be confused with a player who just wants to get you naked). Any man worth getting married to will accept your lack of virginity and not give it much thought beyond the discussion in which the information is disclosed, but if he gets the idea you were giving it up to a lot of guys, that will mess with his mind.

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