Is my Chinese stepmum unhappy. Please see details.
She moved here to be with my dad about 6 months ago. Has not learned english and has trouble communicating with us all. I seem their emails before she moved over she is using him for money. He has given her thousands of pounds to transfer to her family in china and also 5 thousand to allow her son to go to university. She looks depressed here and just acts like a slave to my dad (which he likes) i cannot understand how he cannot see he is being used, she constantly looks sad and does not like to leave the house here because of the communication barrier. I asked my dad if he is going to go on holidays to china to allow her to see her family and he said no. I think he is scared she now has what she wants and will not come back once over there. Do you think my dad should stop being so dumb and send her back to china? Or just leave them to their own devices.?
9 Answers to "Is my Chinese stepmum unhappy. Please see details."
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Have you considered learning a bit of Chinese? Having someone within the family breaking down the language barrier might help.
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I think you should try to refrain from being so judgmental and try to communicate with her. Clearly she feels very alone if she has been unable to learn the language. If you could encourage her to go out and intact with people (maybe by taking her places..like markets where people have simple conversations..like how much are the pickles) then she would have a better time coming out of her shell. Marriages are exchanges in real life. To just say that she is "using" your dad is to ignore the reality of her situation. She may need his financial help, but clearly your dad has agreed to fulfill those needs by accepting her wife (this is true in the legal world with foreign, and the traditional obligations of a husband) .
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I think you have some misunderstandins for your stepmom as well because of the language barriers.
Dont you think you have made the judgment too quick by just calling her a gold-digger..
She is just a middle-aged woman who wants to be happy with a man who loves her and to have a better life.
In China many guys regard female divorcees as "trash" and nobody wants to do anything with them.
Filial piety is also important too. Its not easy at all for someone to move so far away from their parents, because in that way she cant take care of them anymore and it considers a bad thing in China.
China may not be as developed as the states, but its home. Who would really wants to move to another country which you dont speak its language and be so far away from your family and your son?
She wants to be with your dad, even it means to move to another country and never goes back, but she wants to find some relif by compensating her parents and her son to make sure they are well taken care of.
She is just an ordinary woman who wants a man to love her and take care of her. This Chinese lady is lucky, Not only doesnt your dad care that she is divorced like maybe chinese guys do, but your dad also takes care of her family and her child. So I dont see anything else except the love and gratitude she has for your dad.
Maybe when she can speak better English, you two will have a heart-to-heart conversation someday and you can get to know her story and herself better :)Until then, please dont make the judgment too quick. I'm sure that she wants to regard you as her daughter as well since her son is not around and build a relationship with you, please be patient :)Like (1)
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Have you ever considered trying to make friends with her? Regardless of why she came here, remember she is in an unfamiliar country, surrounded by strange language, culture and nobody familiar around at all. Find someone near who can teach you a little chinese- SHOW her you are a caring person. Make her feel welcome. Maybe you could take her to an english class, help her learn. I have a feeling that, her being so lonely and perhaps a bit afraid, she would not feel so isolated. Take my word for it, you can never lose when you put forth a friendly hand.
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yea this doesn't sound right.
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mail order bride hih? Those people are usually human traffic victoms. If this is not the case, Your father probably made an AGREEMENT with the woman, and chinese culture is USUALLY fairly well dependable. Not sure what to say here. Sounds like your jealous a bit, greedy a bit. It takes a couple of years to well adjust to another language.
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atleast shes not like SOME oriental women, who will find a place to gamble and practically live there.
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Ever think maybe your Dad knows hes being used? Sounds like hes getting his money's worth if shes being his "slave" so sounds like they're both being used in different ways. If I were you I'd bring it up and tell it how I see it but ultimately let him be. You can lead a horse to water, etc.
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Oh god, just make her happy to visit her country.
Purely slavery life ...Like (1)
Best Answer (Chosen by Voting):
Posted by ISCARIOT Jan 14th, 2013 at 8:29AM
Seems like they are both being used. It’s a tough situation. I don’t know if sending her back is the ‘right’ thing to do, since it appears she needs the money for important things.
As long as she keeps in touch with her family, and eventually learns to speak English, things will probably work out.
Also, does your dad speak Chinese?
The emails were in what language since you said she hasn’t learned English?
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Reply by Xxsammiejoxx Jan 14th, 2013 at 8:55AM
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Reply by ISCARIOT Jan 14th, 2013 at 8:56AM
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